What is the best custody situation for little kids from a broken home?

Question

For a year since my ex left me, we've shared custody of our two children (under age 5) one week with each parent at a time. Is this the best way? I was the main caregiver of the kids up till my wife left one year ago, while she went to school and I still ran my business. Now I need to know for the sake of the kids (2 girls) is this the best way, or is it better week/weekends or that they just stay with one parent? Anybody with experience please help!

Answer 1

I have 4 children I went through this up until my ex passed away. As for the kids sake in this it is hard to answer, any kind of custody/visitation is hard on the children. But, when it is done 50/50 like this it makes it even harder, they don't know what is "home". they have 2 separate sets of rules, and they get confused, although, this still happens when the have only every other weekend somewhere because they lose some of there bond with that parent. I will tell you what is best from my experience, first, if you are going to keep up with the 50/50 they need the same rules at both houses, same bedtimes etc. it confuses them less and they can adjust to that although, both parents have to stick to that, although, in reality what is truely best for them is to not have "set" times to go to the other parents, if they are at there mom's for her "half" and they want to go to there dad's they should be allowed. It is important they know both parents and have contact with them as much as possible but yet at the same time not be "flopped" from one to the other, they need to feel they have a "home". When they start school especially they need to have one place they call "home". Then see the other parent on every other weekend and also one day a week but not overnight during the week. There is really no easy answer to this but, watch your kids actions and behavior. Through that they will tell you what they need. If you notice they start acting out then something needs changed. They are your children and you should know better than anyone how they are acting. counseling can help the to cope also, I know they are young but, you would be amazed at the good it can do even at a young age. Whoever was the primary caregiver before the break up needs to continue to be that too is less confusing on the children. Hope some of this helps....

Answer 2

Ask her if she would release her half of the custody willing so you would have full custody and she could visit because she might find them a hindrance to "furthering her education." If you do go and ask her always take the necessary paperwork. do not take her word on anything get her signature as soon as she says yes. If she doesn't take the deal try to find something that would make her look bad in front of a judge. examples:

a drug or alcohol arrest,

b she parties often

c she doesn't have the financial resources,

d that her study hours make it so that the children would be left unsupervised

e the children loath going over for a valid reason (a child's word doesn't hold a lot of weight but it's better to always have anything you can get)

f etc.

Also the fact that u were the primary parent is a big plus for you because to a judge it will look like you are not just acting on a impulse. In what I have seen in family law its always better for the children to have one parent. But it is very hard to get the judge to release full custody to one parent. To get this to work you must have a clean record except for small things.

You might be able to get a week/weekend deal where you have them except on the weekends. That deal in my opinion is better then 50/50 but not the best deal.

Answer 3

Right now they are young and if this is working for you I would continue doing it this way that way they are both with both of you equally which they need. When they get a little older you might want to change because of school and their activities. Then I would see if the girls wanted to live full time with you or the mom and do just the week-end thing. Kids adjust well just make sure you stay in their lives. Kids always need their dads support. There are so many dead beat dads it is great to see one that does care for their kids. Good Luck

Answer 4

As a child that bounced back in forth between my parents, I like the custody arrangement you have. As long as the girls feel 'at home' at both places, I would keep it. If they start to complain, ask the courts to alter it. I spent nights with my mom, rode the school bus home to my dads, then went back to my mom's. On the weekends I went to my dads (unless I didn't want too or was sick). It was confusing!

Answer 5

I don't think that Joint custody is the best arrangement. If one parent can devote all the time with the children, and is responsible and mature, that is the best arrangement.
BTDT.

Answer 6

i think if the kids are seeing the both of u equally at the moment and u are both ok with this arrangement then stay as u are.No use unsettling the kids.Kids need consistency