My dad keeps postponing my wedding,it's been 2 yrs now. What can I do? He says money's the problem. HELP!

Question

Been engaged for 2 yrs. In our culture the dad provides the money 4 d wedding, i work but he's refused to accept help from me. I am tired of waiting. I wanna have kids while i still can & i want to be with my man. He'said if i do it without him, he'll never forgive me. This is a war between culture, religion and love, help me.

Answer 1

Elope and get it over with. Mabe he doesnt want you to marry this man. Let him throw the reception when he has the money.

Answer 2

I say...plan a less expensive wedding. Create a budget and propose it to him. You can have an elegant wedding and no one but you, him and your Mother needs to know the costs.

If Daddy is holding out...talk to him. He may have reasons why paying for your wedding has become a problem.

Does he approve of your fiance?

Are you asking for too much?

AND is he really able to help financially..has something happened recently?

Or is he ready to let his little princess go??

Dads are special people and he wants your day to be special as well. But really think before you try an elope or get married without him, you need to reconsider this strongly. Your Dad loves you!!

Or this may be an opportunity to break "tradition"/ Sometimes traditions can be a barrier... Maybe you and him can go 50/50. Explain to him that this will not make him be any lesser of a father, BUT instead this will show you being more responsible and a help to the family and his future grandchildren...

There are many ways to look at this. Be patient and understanding. Your Dad has a reason for his delay. But again if he simply cannot afford the wedding that he had hoped to give you..be willing to at least meet him halfway.

I say set a date and work with him on that. He will come around when he sees that you are serious. Work with your parents on this, only. Do not express your frustrations to other members of the family or even your fiance until you have talked to your parents first. They are trying to send you a message, but you have to be smart enough to stop and listen to them from the heart.

Keep ya head up and have a beautiful wedding day as I know you will!

Kerani Bai

Answer 3

Tell your dad you are desperate to get married and if he doesnt allow you to help him out, you will go abroad and get married. Tell him he has the option of doing it WITH you or WITHOUT you.

Assure him that no-one except you, him your mother etc need to know that you helped him out so his pride can remain intact.

Explain to him that yes, its part of your culture and religion but times have moved on and its the love between you & your future husband that really matters.

Maybe for the time being you could settle for a small celebration and have a larger one by renewing your vows a few years down the line.

Tell your dad how much you want to have kids and make him a proud grandad, show him how much you love and appreciate him, but be firm and tell him exactly what you want.

Answer 4

You should have a serious chat with your father asking the reasons why he keeps on postponing the wedding because there seems to be an underlying agenda here.

It could be the money, so you could request a less affluent style of ceremony, or donate the money yourselves and let the public think your dad payed.

Or it could be that he doesn't like your partner.

or it could be that your partner askes your dad to postpone.

So you really need to discuss this with your dad and get to the bottom of things!

Answer 5

try to sit down with pops to figure out how to "overcome" the $ problem. you might be able to work out a budget/financial plan that can move up your wedding date. (try to get your mom to "convince" him to expedite things). maybe you can "make arrangements" where some other male relative, future in-laws, or a trusted friend "loans" your dad the money. if you conspire well enough he won't recognise that its a farce.

just a thought. he might be purposely holding out because he doesn't want to give you away, disapproves, or wants to do something outrageous even though he knows it is $ impossible.

try to reason with him. ask if you can have a small private ceremony with just immediate family perhaps have a civil-court registered marriage with the understanding that in "x" amount of days you will have a traditional wedding. that way you can start your nuptials, appease your father, and honour your traditions.

Answer 6

Hello,

Have you thought about getting registered at a local registrars office? Many people do not consider this a proper marriage but it is legally binding (more so then a religious ceremony in some parts of the world) and would not be so expensive.

It would also mean that your dad can give the wedding he thinks his daughter deserves later on.

Edit:

Just adding this part after reading other answers.

Think very very hard before eloping.. unfortunately life isnt a bollywood movie ...

Answer 7

hmmm, bit of a difficult one. How do you think your dad would react if you went ahead and booked it? Would he gradually accept the situation and help or would he turn against you?

know its very difficult with certain religions, some things are just done that way, but would he really react badly if you booked it?

Are you able to talk to a more liberal-minded relative or friend in confidence who would know how your dad would react?

What about your local religious leader, can you go to him for guidance without him telling your dad?

At the end of the day, you really have to decide what is more important, a life with the man you love or upsetting your relatives. Its hard, but Im sure they would come round to the idea if you went ahead on your own without your dads help.

My husbands family didnt want him to marry me, but we went ahead and did it, and Im glad we did. We are still together 12 years later, have a beautiful daughter and even though we have no relationship with his parents, we certainly dont regret it.

All the best, I hope things work out for you.

Answer 8

You only live once. Do what you have to do. You can't please everyone all of the time. Tell your dad you think you are pregnant - shame of an unmarried mother will spur him on to set a date. In any event you set a date start the ball rolling.

This is YOUR life. remember, culture and sometimes religion evolves with time, it may be now ok for you to pay for your own wedding. Tell your fiance his single days are over and get on with dictating how your life should go.

Answer 9

In order not to upset anyone i think you should tell your dad these things that are on your mind and ask him if he has another reason for delaying your wedding. Failling coming to some kind of understanding i would proceed with my own wedding arrangements without my fathers money as it's about what you and your fiance want not other people.
Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 10

i think the key words are 'in your culture'...now l am guessing there is someone who can influence you dad . a brother or someone close say a sister...unless the world has really changed..men usually do what a woman wants...regardless of culture....l can understand he wants to give you the best...and also you want the same...but is it not time that you both re thought the plan....so it becomes a bit more than a plan..but possible...maybe a bit of arbitration is needed...where your dad accepts some financial help..but costs are reduced to keep the help to a minimum that he can accept.....you both need to compromise.assuming there is not a more basic reason....for the feet dragging mode you dad is in.

Answer 11

Why are you allowing your dad to make the decisions? If you want to get married now, then do that. Keep it simple and cheap and get married at the courthouse. Then on an anniversary down the road, you can have a larger party if you so choose. You have to decide which is most important to you and go from there because life and marriage are all about compromise. If you allow your dad to walk all over you on this issue, what will he get away with in the future?