my mum died 20 days ago,i feel so much grief but iam doing ok espically with all the exams going around..?

Question

i don't like to talk about her death alot,sometimes i feel its not reality and that she is coing back,some friends beg me to talk and say what hurts me but i feel that no one won't understand how big the loss was to me!?is that normal,that iam not talking and that iam living a sort of a normal life,iam not devastated,i don't spend my days crying except few days!espically with the whole chrismas season!i broke down two days ago when i was having my exam and i really needed here there,then i turned to be ok again!am i normal,i used to love my mum soo much and sometimes believe that crying won't bring her back ever again,by the way iam 21!

Answer 1

It sounds like she would be proud of you for keeping on with what you have to do. It seems to me like you are honoring her memory, which is a very good thing. Sorry to hear of your loss, and best of success on your exams.

Answer 2

I can't even begin to try an understand the loss you must feel. My mom is still with me--so I don't know how you feel, but I can empathize.
My beautiful grandmother died 2 years ago and sometimes a memory will come from nowhere and I'll just start crying. Sometimes I dream about my departed loved ones--that's almost comforting, because I can see them and touch and talk to them--but they never speak back to me. I wonder why that is.
I don't know what you believe, but I believe that death is not the end...it's a transition into a new life, one that is eternal. I believe that you will see her again. This life down here can be tedious and full of heartbreak , but at the end we have such a great reward waiting for us. What a sweet and wonderful reunion we will have!
Words can only comfort so much. This is the time to lean on the friends and family that you have here in the present. Give thanks for the time you had with your mother. No one will ever be able to fill the void left and you'll never "get over it". Maybe the pain will lessen as time goes on.
Be blessed and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

My mom passed away 10 yrs ago when I was just 24. We were very close and I felt her loss quite badly. At first I cried all the time, in the shower or in the car. Anytime I was alone. I was fine when I was at work because I was busy and had other things to occupy my mind, but when I was alone it was very painful. It took a few months, but then I'd just cry every other day, then only a couple times a week. It doesn't mean you didn't love her, but it's natural to the healing process. Everybody grieves in their own way, too. Don't let anybody tell you that you're crazy if you don't cry right away. You'll do it when you're ready at your own time and space. If it takes you years to get past it, it takes years. If it takes a few weeks, it takes a few weeks. It doesn't mean you love her any less. It's natural to feel a sense of disbelief, of anger at the world, at God. Don't worry, this passes, too. Finally, you'll come to acceptance. This is the stage of grief that really sucks. It means that you fully understand now that she's not going to be there on your wedding day or when you have a baby, that sort of thing. But, remember that she will always be with you in spirit and she will guide you and watch over you from heaven. Have faith and keep your family and friends close to you right now. You never know when you'll feel the need to cry on someone's shoulder. Bless you.

Answer 4

Maybe you should talk about it some more with someone you feel comfortable with, even if you don't think they understand. There are grief counseling and discussion groups as well as your friends and family. Your school should have information or a local hospital should have referrals as well. After 1 month, 1 year, 5 years or 20 years, loss can still be felt. And you're right, not everyone will feel it the same way that you do, but your friends will be supportive. Look for a group or counselor, even write a journal to get started with thinking about how you feel. Write letters to your mom if you think it will help. It's not nuts, I talk to my dad every time I visit his grave, and my mom sometimes sees him in our kitchen from time to time. It's not a ghost, it's someone who was a part of you for your whole life - it's more than a memory. After 11 years the holidays are still hard for us after losing my dad and we weren't even that close. You're doing well to have made it through exams so soon after. Good luck.

Answer 5

I want to express my sorrow for your loss. My mom passed Dec 5th three years ago and my heart is still torn out. We all grieve differently and at a different pace. I had to make the arrangements and handle things. So like a robot I went through the motions it's all a blurr. I have grieved over the three years and still do. When I am alone and can cry I do then I pull myself together and go through the day. There is no words to comfort the loss of " your pulse to the world." I am much older then you and old enough to be your mother. As a mother I want say your mum is proud that you are doing your exams. We never ever get over the loss of a loved on and never our mother. I have found that I can make it through the days easier knowing that is what my mom would want me to do. I look in the mirror and see my moms features in mine and look at my children and see her in them. This comforts me to know she lives on in us this way. I am sending you a hug of comfort and love from one caring person to another. I want to share with you a poem I wrote and put in my moms funeral announcement.

ODE TO MOTHER
A mothers love is like no other
Different from a sister or a brother
Nothing can touch this love
Nothing can come close
Mothers the one who loves you the most
Near to my heart she will always remain
She's the one who can drive you crazy,
while keeping you sane...
Mothers love is beyond words or expression
beyond all dementions
A mothers love is like no other on earth
To you she's the one that gave birth
With mother you know you always come first
A mothers love is like no other
@c.davis (copywrite protected)

Answer 6

I'm sorry for your loss, and i'm not going to even begin to go on about how i understand, because i couldn't possibly know exactly how you feel, but i know that greif comes in a lot of different forms, and i've heard heaps of paople saying that they never cried, but don't worry about feeling like you have to cry to show you care, because you don't. It's good that you aren't cying everyday, and it's good that you're getting on with your life. Be happy. It's not wrong to be happy, even if something sad has happened. Good luck with the exams and stuff.

Answer 7

What your going through is normal. It is just part of the grieving. Tell your friends to lay off, you know they are there if you need to talk and you appreciate their support. My dad died 2.5 yrs ago, I went from shock, to depressed, to angry, to learning to be ok with it. There are times I still go through all of it again with in minutes. I used to dream he was still here. I never talked to anyone about it. For some it is ok others need to talk. Holidays are tough. Everyone says it lessens. It does to some degree. It just takes time. Crying won't bring her back, but will help with your healing.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry about that. The most important thing is realizing that she's in rest, in complete love, I know is not easy for you, but crying will help you to release all pain so your emotions will not be stored in your body and you will not get sick. Try to keep good moments of your life with her and think that she is happy now.

Answer 9

There's no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of your mom, you are perfectly normal. It sound to me lke you haven't accepted her being gone yet, and thats perfectly understandable. Your throwing yourself into other things. your dealing with it in your own way, and I doubt that that pain will ever go away completely. The best thing you can do is carry her with you always.

Answer 10

I'm sorry you lost your mom and you sound like you are doing okay, everyone handles grief in there own way so don't let others tell you what you should do. Keep yourself busy and good luck on your exams.