Would you be bothered if your Military Spouse had no idea or didn't care what your job was in the Military

Question

18 years and the Spousey one don't care to know or has much of a clue, never acted very interested in what I did when I was AD either, seemed more interested in my pay periods than anything else!
So would that bother you? Seems to really eat at me though, and yes I've mentioned it to no avail.
Am I so wrong to assume your Spouse should care, or at least act like they are interested in what you do, what your MOS is, what your proper title is in uniform, what is your Paygrade, etc etc?

After several years of talking, I stopped and asked some questions...then I realized that Spouse never listened.

I dunno...seems like my relationship really sucks since this still haunts me 5 years later and nothing else seems to be working either.
The Military was (and is) still very important to me. I'm not one of those types that pretends that I was never on AD, or relive it 24/7/365 like the stereotypical HS Football Jock, it's just something I'm proud of being a part of. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

I am the widow of an Army Soldier. You have every right to be proud of what you did for our country. I don't care if you pumped gas or were a sniper. You had the courage to join. My husband died on active duty, but not in the line of duty. He was only an E-3. I am still just as proud of him as I would be if he were a General who was killed protecting the president. He was a weapons tech. And although I didn't fully comprehend his job I tried to. Your wife should be proud of you, no matter if you were in the military or not. I myself, still take pride in the fact that I was an army wife, and you should be proud that you were (and still are in my eyes) a soldier. It is something that only fellow soldiers and spouces can truely understand, and it will be with all of us forever.

Answer 2

Seriously get counseling or get a divorce. I am sure you know about the Uniformed Services Former Spousal Protection Act!!! Basically she gets a huge chunk of your retirement if you stay married to her too long. I don't know your situation so I will not elaborate further.

Many of the Army wives I knew were more knowledgeable about the military than I was as an E-5 (when it came to many issues like FRG, family readiness, etc). Your wife knew what she was getting into and needs to stop being selfish. Yes, she is selfish and greedy. You have a career and she needs to be involved in it. It is a part of your relationship whether she wants to acknowledge it or not (and if she doesn't believe she is married to the Army just wait until you get deployed for a year or two. The Army can either be your best friend or worst enemy and being ignorant of it will never help her.

I would suggest reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It has a big section on wives and their obligations regarding their husbands careers/bread winning. You may not be suprised to learn that your wife's attitude is nothing new to married men. I don't know your rank or MOS but I am certain you have a ton of responsibility and are very committed, your wife needs to take an active role.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Y'know, I ask my husband all the time what he does all day, and I never get clear answers. I know his unit, I know he's 19D (scout), but how he spends his time when he's not in the field, I couldn't tell ya. Last I knew he was a section leader. I have no idea who his guys are though.
To be blunt, I don't have any pity for the wives who don't know, or don't care enough to ask, the basic things (unit, pay grade, etc). They're the ones that have so much trouble when something goes wrong, and the ones who seem to cope the worst, and so much could be handled if they were only clued in.
I think you should be proud of your time in. If this is the only thing your wife doesn't seem to care about or take interest in, it's probably better to let it go. If she stood by you and was faithful while you were in, that's more than too many wives do these days, and you should at least be grateful for that. You know what you did, you know what you accomplished, and you're the one who now gets to hold the pride of those actions. It's not up to you to prove yourself to your wife.

Answer 4

My husband has been in the Army for almost 4 years, and I am like a sponge....I want a lot of information. I am very interested in everything that he tells me about his MOS, training, people, steps he has to do to make points, everything.....and I love it, it helps me understand why he does what he does. It also has helped a ton now that he is deployed, because he isnt there to tell me certain things that happen, I just learned it from him while he was home. I don't know if I really answered your question or not, and I am not sure how other spouses are, but I love learning about what he does. But maybe she just didn't want to have to learn because she was scared. Everyone deals with it different. I would talk to ACS, they may have counselors to answer this better. Maybe she did just want you for your money....but thats hard to believe with the pay we get!! Good Luck with everything and I will keep you in my prayers!

Answer 5

first off, you should be proud and I'm sorry about your spouse being so disinterested, I think you might want to think of marriage counseling, the only reason I suggest this is because your military service is something important to you (as it should be ) since it seems your core values are different and it seems to be hurting you, after a while that starts to tear you down, immunity wise. Things that eat at you do eventually cause big problems, at least if you get counseling you;re trying before it's too late

Answer 6

i comprehend all relating to the "fat squad" varieties you're relating. I even have considered them interior the army as nicely. they are "short timers". they are close to retirement or have not considered attempt against in years or they are the "administration rank" don't be disillusioned in what you notice outdoors your doors. all the defense force branches are dealing with this. The cuts in spending will do away with the "lifeless and ineffective weight. Your husband sounds like a large guy. If he have been my son i could be happy with him too. There are adjustments coming in our militia.. extra extreme tech adjustments which will look after our squaddies and Marines and Sailors. those adjustments will fee money, so we would desire to minimize the place we are able to to make those adjustments. Your husband could have a job for years yet back and so plenty extra education alongside with it.

Answer 7

It was one of the things that almost led to divorce in my current marriage. She would not let me talk about work, but wanted to vent about hers. I shut down and stopped talking at all. Yes, it bothered me a lot, because I'm fairly proud of being in the military. I don't know what to suggest to do. We eventually worked it out in counseling.

Answer 8

Your spouse is not interested in your job but only for the salary. Thus, it will be hard for you to expect any comments regarding military life. Anyway, since you are a die-hard soldier, why not bring your spouse to the camp and let her feel what it is to be soldier.

Answer 9

acutally... if my bf didn't care about me joining the navy... i'd be bothered as well. i actually enjoy him asking what my rate is, what rank i am, what i do, ask for stories, describe my job, etc. he's constantly asking about it and it doesn't bother me one bit. actually makes me happy and proud. i can understand why it would bother you so much. luckily, my man is just as military based as i am (he's a marine) so he shares some of my views. there is nothing wrong with being proud of what you do for a living. it's a duty you have commited yourself to and you should walk around w/ honor knowing that you are who you are. ;) frankly, my friends are sick and tired of me talking about how happy i am to go into the navy. but they know it's something i love, and they're happy for that.

Answer 10

it may be that the "spousey" doesn't really understand what it is that you do, or did...whichever applies. maybe if you take her to a "Jane Wayne" day, or show her a few things, she might come around.... if not, she is a woman afterall....as long as she supports you when youre deployed and treats you good at home...who cares if she's not interested in your rank and mos???