my mom was abusive since i was little. when i was 9 she pushed my dad with this nice lady (who is now my step mom whom i call my angel) then got a divorce with him. i now have to spend 6pm fri-6pm sun every other weekend with her. im scared to death of her hurting me and hate her for back stabing my dad but then i feel bad because she is my mom? am i wrong to hate her for 11 years of hurting me? i mean she is my birth mom but i now hate to call her 'mom' i cant stand to tell her "i love you mommy' but i love my step mom and can say those things since she has never hit me. never yelled at me (i mean she still dose dissiplent me just not like that) what should i do? my school counseler told me i have the right to be mad but i should try to forgive her but its like every time i do so my mom yells at my dador tells me ashe never hit me that im "exaggerating just like my father" i can hear her saying stuff to her mom about me (she now lives with her parents) it hurts alot. plz help me!
2006-12-27 16:39:58 · 10 answers · asked by annia104 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have you ever heard the phrase "Any guy can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy"?? I'm going to sa the same thing to you!! "Any girl can be a mother, but it takes a real woman to be a mommy''!!!
I agree with your couselor. You have all the right in the world to be angry at your mom. But instead of trying to forgive her by telling her, just forgive inside yourself. Don't force yourself to say things to her that you don't want to, or hurts you to say. That will only make things worse. Tell your dad how you feel about going to visit her, and ask him if the both of you can talk to a judge about you going over there.
I wouldn't go over there if you don't want to! If she tries to get a court order, tell the judge that you're afraid of her, and that YOU don't want to go over there. If you're old enough, there's nothing your mom can do about it. They'll look into it, because they may think that your dad and step-mom talked you into saying that.
You need to stand up for yourelf, against your mom! Don't let what she did to you, keep you from doing what you want to do, and don't let your fear of her confine you to a tiny crate when you're near her! Don't show that your afraid of her! If she tries anything again, stand up to her! Tell her to back the hell off, and stay away from you! That you're not a little kid anymore, and you're not afraid of her! And when you tell her, mean it!
You're around what, 15? There's no reason what so ever that you can't tell your mom how you feel.
I think the main reason she's bad mouthing you to her parents, is because she wants pity. She wants attention, because she's insecure about something in her life. God only knows what that is. Ask the judge(if you get to see him), if she can see a therapist, you think something may be mentally wrong with her. Usually if someone is abusive, there is some kind of mental problem!
I hope I helped, and I wish you the best of luck!
2006-12-27 16:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Pluto 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to be upset, and all wounds can heal but it takes time and maturity, continue talking to your councilor, Be open with your dad and honest. Make sure you are being fair and honest. Maybe dad could try to get a revision of your visitation with your mom until the two of you work things out. Also remember there is a reason your mom is acting the way she does, you may not know what it is , but it sounds like she is in emotional pain Good Luck
2006-12-27 17:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are, but this sounds like a really stressful situation to me, and hard for a child to deal with.
Forgiveness is important in any situation, but it is much more difficult when the offender KEEPS DOING THINGS as your mother does.
One thing that will help - and I know this will be hard - is to emotionally release your birth mother from any expectation. That is, do not expect her to act like a loving mother in any way. It will help keep your heart intact if you can do this.
Another thing is - are these visits really necessary? Is there anyway you can go back to court to tell the judge what goes on so he can restrict visitation to when you request it, or maybe you could just go one afternoon/wk. I almost hate to say this, but if you are a teenager, would it work if you just 'refused' to go? I am not trying to incite rebellion here, but your mother sounds unstable and I want you to be protected and safe. You are only being hurt by continued contact with her.
2006-12-27 16:48:23 · answer #3 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes!!! time is a great healer. Do not hate your mom. try to understand her. Accept the fact that the way she behaves is natural to her. Just as a lion, dog, cat, rat behaves in a particular manner natural to them. You hate her because she acts in a way that you feel a mom should not act. All of us are different some more agressive than others. Some are productive, some are destructive. Some are preys while others are predators. As a Human, God has given your mom a distinct personality, may be agressive, may be destructive. Don't hate her for this. If you want her to behave differently, you have to transact with her. Don't judge her for yelling at you dad, that is between your mom and dad. Our lesson in this life is to love our mom and dad inspite of the differences, in spite of our expectations. Family love is unconditional. If we love our family members only if they give or behave in a particular fashion, it is selfishness, not love. Love does not ask for anything. Love only gives. If you agree to love your mom unconditionally, you will find that she hurts you less and less, thouogh she behaves in the same abrasive manner. Very quickly you become immune to the pain.
My little neighbour boy loves his dog very much though it has bit and scratched him twice. He violently defends the dog against all his family members decision to send the dog away. I think you can give your mom a better chance than the pet dog.
2006-12-27 17:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is nature to hate someone who has hurt you over and over again. You need to forgive her from the bottom of your heart but you have to mean it. Until you can forgive her you will continue to have the pain in your heart. Sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Show her the pain she has caused you for all those years. Maybe you need to spend less time with her so she can realize that you are afraid of her. You should never feel bad about your feelings towards her. I am sure she didn't feel to bad when she would physically and mentally abused you. Just look deep in your heart for forgiveness. Good luck.
2006-12-27 17:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forcing him to stability on one foot for hours? Mr. Sicko sounds like a merciless tease. in actuality, YOU sound rather like a merciless tease. So Andrew is ticklish, eh? in case you have have been given some massive guy friends or a hubby, you may all kidnap him lower back (form of a repeat overall performance!) and supply him the tickle therapy till he's of an identical opinion to chat to you and carry out with you greater. And once you try this, be a tease. start up with the spots that are in basic terms slightly ticklish, then gradually paintings your thank you to the ft. flow a feather in the time of his soles and between his ft. I assure you, he will communicate over with you lower back! he will probably do something to get that teasing feather to end it!
2016-10-19 01:58:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for her and you most of all..if you dont ask God to forgive you for the way you feel then God cant start working on you..Once you forgive someone..they are in Gods hands and He takes care of it..Prayer works as well as forgiveness..DO NOT KEEP YOUR FEELINGS BOTTLED UP
2006-12-27 16:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle Breezie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wounds can heal in time. continue talking to your counselor when you need to. If you dont feel comfortable telling her you her then dont do it. dont lie. your mother needs professional help but unless she wants it no one can help her. If it is too painful to spend time with her tell your dad how you feel. your visits to her can be adjusted. i wish i could help more. hang in there. good luck
2006-12-27 16:49:26 · answer #8 · answered by katlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered therapy? there are people who specialise in this field, and you can use all the help you can get, I think...
Do you talk to your dad about it?
2006-12-27 16:45:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
at a certain age you can refuse to go. check your laws. and if you have to go just be nice and avoid any discussions with her regarding the past. do your visit and pray for it to be over. also try to be nice. thanks
2006-12-27 16:46:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋