I wish I could go to the home of all the parents who let their children cry it out and make them cry it out!?

Question

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Answer 1

You're not at all the only one, and you're right.

Too many people don't seem to understand children well enough. Children from 0 to about six years old cry not just when they're tired or hungry or sick, but when they're frazzled (overstimulated/stressed out) or frustrated. They are often just not mature enough not to cry in response to discomfort, and particularly the frustration of having that discomfort ignored.

Even the two-year-old who cries because his mother won't buy him candy at the store is only crying because all he knows is that he wants the candy and his mother won't let him have it. Its pure and simple and has nothing to do with any planned attempt to manipulate. Sure, it can appear that way because if he is given the candy he'll stop; but what's going on is that he has an immature brain and personality (after all, two and a half years ago he wasn't even in this world - sure, he's immature), and he is at a state in the development of his ego where he pretty much can't think beyond what it is he wants. He cries out of frustration at the discomfort of not having what he wants - not out of a calculated attempt to manipulate.

People should go to www.zerotothree.org to see how important it is to keep a child in a state of equilibrium during the first three years of life, when he is forming brain connections and when the potential to develop those connections will end if their primary nurturer fails to keep the child in a state of emotional equilibrium.

The child who lives in discomfort and frustration too much of the time will have a "bad set" of brain chemicals "going on", and it could affect his development as a well adjusted person.

Also, children learn what they live. (People should look up that famous verse by the same title.) When children see that their parents try to ease their discomforts they will become children/people who do the same; because part of development/learning process in children is mimicking. Emotionally, too, though, children who have responsive parents come to feel very safe and very trusting of their parents, and that helps build a strong foundation of security and trust in the relationship (and it is precisely that type of foundation the parent/child relationship will need later, as the child is older and the parenting challenges become more complex).

I'm not saying that a mother always has to buy candy in the store because the two-year-old wants it. What a mother needs to do, though, is find a way to keep her child's mind busy on something else while he's in this state. She could not put him in frustrating situations in the first place as well. She could try to distract him with something else. One thing she shouldn't do, though, is fail to understand that he is crying out of an emotional need (immature or not, and when I say "immature" I don't mean "for his age"; I mean "compared to adults") and not treat him as if he should be ignored or seen as a manipulator.

My parents did not leave my siblings and me to cry, and we grew up to be some of the least "spoiled" and most caring people there can be. I, in turn, did not allow my babies and small children to cry, and besides also being very caring and unselfish a funny thing happened - my babies got so accustomed to knowing I'd do what I could to make their discomfort go away they grew into toddlers who were so safe and sure they actually had a little more emotional maturity and never went through that "terrible two's" stage at all.

I'm glad you posted this question. People too often either see their children as objects who don't have a right to their own ideas and emotions or as scheming, little, evil, creatures who must be punished into some sort of "non-evil" behavior. So often, people seem incapable of empathizing with their own little child (and these are often the people who - really - could use improvement in their own behaviors more than the child does).

When it comes to children "everyone is an expert", aren't they; but if you asked so many of these "experts" who are so free to offer their ill-informed opinions you'd find they're studied or read very little when it comes to child development or pscyhology; because if they had they would not believe what they do.

When it comes to wanting to "build" the behaviors in children that are desirable there are a number of those behaviors and a number of ways to build them. Ignoring crying is not one of those ways.

Final note: If anyone looks up the characteristics of high intellligence they will find that the ability to empathize is strongest in people of high intelligence or at least high-enough intelligence.
Unfortunately, babies don't get to select the intelligence of their parents - so there are a whole lot of them who will be left to cry it out and who will learn that when they wanted or needed someone to help there was nobody there for them.

Answer 2

firs tit depends on the age NEVER on an infant...that child abuse if you let them cry more then 5 minutes without comforting.
As far as getting a toddler to sleep I don't have to much of a problem. I had to do it with my son at 18 months finally. But what worked best was instead of me coming to the rescue Dad did and he had no interest in Dad so that is really what made him sleep thru the night. At 29 months he sleeps 12-13 hours straight thru the night.

As far a CIO being the best way to get your child to sleep I don't think it is. I think all children have different sleep patterns. My son was a restless sleeper while my daughter seems to be already making her way at 5 months to being able to sleep thru the night. I did nothing different with the 2 of them. Some babies just need more comforting. I recently met someone with a 5 month old boy she had a "6 hour rule" at night she put in ear plugs and turned off the monitor and would not go to him for 6 hours. WTF! She literally could careless if he screamed his brains out...If I knew where she lived I would have called CPS.

Answer 3

My children are 11 years apart.
Whenever my daughter cried I was right there to scoop her up. I never even allowed her to cry in her crib and as a result she didn't sleep through the night until she was almost 4 years old!!!
She learned how to manipulate me at a very, very young age and she never learned to self-soothe. Even now as a middle-schooler she is a huge drama queen and blows everything out of proportion and the tiniest problems in our house are major ordeals!
Having learned from THAT experience I am very different with my little one. I have allowed him to cry for a minute or 2 if I need to run to the bathroom before picking him up from his crib or if I need to fix a bottle or something before attending to him, he knows I won't always be there as soon as he DEMANDS it. He has been sleeping through the night since he was just under 3 months old and at almost 11 months I have no problems when I put him down for a nap or for the night, we have a regular bedtime routine then we put him in his crib while he's still awake and he plays with the crib toy inside for 10 or 15 minutes at most and goes right to sleep on his own. He might whimper once or twice but we know that if he's actually crying then something must be wrong (he needs a diaper change or maybe his gums are bothering him).

I really did used to feel the way you do, but after living with the result of never letting a child "cry it out" I would never recomend other parents do the same. But I'd like to add that some situations do warrant a hug and extra attention when they're crying; if the child has been frightened, for example, then a little comforting is probably in order.

God bless!

Answer 4

You know what you are totally entitled to your opinion...I dont much care for people letting theyr child "cry it out" but on the other hand if the kid is sitting there throwing a fit simply because they want something they cant have or when they want to be held when the parent is cleaning or when the parent is in the bathroom and the kid is crying to come in, that is when I dont have a problem with. However if the parents are having them cry because they are to lazy to try to figure out the problem then thats not right.

Answer 5

No. I feel the same way. I assume you mean parents who let their infants cry it out at night. It is wrong and cruel. As I've said many times before, it is an example of our western culture deciding to do what is convenient for the parent instead of what is best for the child. No infant should ever be left to cry it out. They will learn to sleep just fine even if you go to them at night. It isn't natural or healthy to leave a baby to cry itself to sleep. The people who do it disgust me.

Answer 6

There are many reasons kids cry, but if you codle them every time then you are not teaching them anything , If you know its a temper tantrum and that they are ok and you monitor the situation there is nothing wrong with that. They learn to adjust to being alone sometimes and become able to decide whats worth crying about. But there is a fair and reasonable amount of time for a non spoiled child, you have to be careful and attentive to ear aches and other unseen medical issues

Answer 7

How are they supposed to ever learn how to get to sleep on their own? I think some people hear the phrase "cry it out" and flip out and see images in their heads of parents sitting idiotically on the couch while their child cries in pain or frustration or because they are tired. When my daughter was 6 months old I started letting her get to sleep on her own. She did not scream or cry loudly as if she were distressed. It only lasted ten minutes and then she went to bed and slept soundly. The next morning she was in the best mood I had ever seen in when she woke up! Every night after that, the amount of crying decreased dramatically until there was no crying at all. I don't really understand what other things parents would have to let their kids "cry it out" over... my daughter only cries when she needs something or got hurt or needs a nap. A child should not be left to cry in distress at any age, but they should also not be left to "cry it out" at bedtime before six months(when the object permanence starts to really sink in). Anyway, all parents feel differently about how to raise their children. Most times we go by the advice of our family, those closest to us that we trust, and our doctors. If it doesn't work in your family that's okay. Not every family is the same and we don't all raise our kids the same way, there's nothing wrong with that as long as we're all happy!

Answer 8

i'm a mom of two so i've got faith i can respond to this surely. initially I never could have left a theater regardless of if asked if i became watching an age suitable action picture and my baby became appearing sturdy, that I paid for in spite of the reimbursement. yet on the different hand i'm courteous of human beings. I even have volunteerly left a theater because of the fact my baby became appearing undesirable. i've got faith society is being compelled to dictate decorum to mothers because of the fact we've become so slacking in the self-discipline section and allow our babies terrorize society. i'm no longer asserting which you do permit your infants flow wild, i'm basically pointing out why such articles are mandatory.additionally, i became a breast feeding mom and that i did no longer desire an editorial to tell me to cover myself. definite, it somewhat is organic and a alluring element yet i've got faith because we grew to become familiar with overlaying ourself with a fig leaf all of us be attentive to discretion, a blanket will suffice. utilising the washing room is organic yet i do no longer desire to observe somebody try this or their baby. I understand what you're saying, you have each and every precise to boost your baby the way you spot in good shape yet those with out babies have each and every precise to their opinion, you're able to be able to think of your baby isn't being undesirable yet "expressing themselves" whilst somebody else may well be seeing some thing you at the instant are not.

Answer 9

It depends on how old the child is. When my son was a few months old or younger I would never have let him CIO. But he is now eight months old. We do let him CIO now. But still I don't just let him scream and scream. If it's obviously not working, after about 20 minutes, I will go get him and try to help him. But once they get to a certain age, it's different for every child, they refuse to let you help them go to sleep anymore. They want to do it themselves. And sometimes it takes some crying to get there. I agree that CIO isn't appropriate for some ages, but once they get older it's alright. They HAVE to learn to get to sleep on their own. You should slowly introfuce the CIO method. As they get older allow them to cry longer and longer before you go get them.

Answer 10

There are times when you should let your kids cry it out and other times when you shouldnt. If its a case of throwing a fit and crying- they should because it shows them that they dont get what they want by doing that. Doctors have told me to let them cry it out teaches them that they dont get the attention they want in that way- reward positive ways and that will teach them