She's having an affair with a married man. Almost everyone in the family knows about it except for my dad. I don't have the courage either to tell my dad about it because of fear that he might do something bad to us and to my mom. My mom is working abroad but she came home this december with the guy to have a vacation. I'm finding it hard to adjust and I can't forgive myself for always lying to my dad. Please help
2006-12-27 15:41:02 · 20 answers · asked by clueless_mama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stay out of their 'affair'. It's their business, and don't be surprised if your dad already suspects.
2006-12-27 15:44:30 · answer #1 · answered by mmturtle 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I know this is hard on you. But it's really not your duty to make sure everything goes well. This is your mum's doing and the person who should feel the guilt is her, not you. You shouldn't be put in this difficult situation at all. You can discuss with your mum on how uncomfortable her affair is for you. Tell her that she's not setting a good example for her family and that she should come clean. Not only is she not respecting your father by having an affair, she's not respecting the whole family, putting everyone in a difficult position.
2006-12-27 15:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by Hanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adult relationships are complicated. You may think your mother is having an affair when she is not. In any case, whether or not she is having an affair, it is not your place to tell your father. Your mother is in a relationship with your dad. It is her job to sort this out with him, not yours. Her job is to be your mother and his is to be your father. Your roll is to just be a loving daughter to both your parents.
Speak privately to your mother about your concerns, if possible.
You might be surprised to hear what she has to say. You might also be surprised that your dad knows more about this than you think.
2006-12-27 15:53:34 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop lying for her. Tell your mom how it is making you feel. You can try to talk to get her to stop the affair and tell your dad, but I am pretty sure she will not confess to your dad or stop. Has it ever dawned on you that he may know, but doesn't want to accept it? There is no way everyone but him knows. I say let them work it out on their own.
2006-12-27 15:45:32 · answer #4 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stay out of it. Let you mom handle things the way she wants. She has no future with this married man. She is just seeking some thing which is missing in her marriage. As long as your dad doesnt find out about it, it is good for your whole family. Who wants a broken home?
2006-12-27 15:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Fundamentally your moms relationship with her husband is her business, not yours, so it is not up to you to convince her to do anything in that regard.
But your mom blew that theory out of the water when she put you in a position where you are forced to choose between her & your father. So if it were me, I would tell my mom what she has done by flaunting her affair in front of me, & that she is being very selfish in forcing me to divide my loyalties between my parents. I would offer her one chance to come clean with her husband.
Neither parent should ever put their child in the position of being a co-conspirator in an affair, & that's what your mom needs to come to understand 1st. If she wanted to keep this a secret so bad, then she should never have allowed you to be exposed to it.
So I have to wonder if she's being so gutless that she has put you in this position so that she doesn't have to be the one to break the news to your Dad. Maybe she really wants you to do it for her. Her behaviour in this is reprehensible. Call her on it, & tell her if she wants to be able to look you in the eye the next time you & her meet that she had better grow a responsible bone in her body, & bring her husband up to speed on exactly where their marriage stands.
Best of luck to You & your Dad.
2006-12-27 16:05:50 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you stay out of this, due to the fact that when all hell breaks lose you will be the one that gets hurt...I say this because your dad will blame you for knowing and not saying anything and your mom will blame you for telling on her. It's just best to let fate take it's place and be there for your father when he finds out!! This is not your problem to deal with although it seems like you are caught in the middle the best thing for you to do is stay out of it!!
2006-12-27 15:46:34 · answer #7 · answered by Floridapurrfection 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is totally unfair of your mom to let you carry that on your shoulders. Do you have a close friend or family member that you can confide in? Maybe they can guide you. My guess would be that your dad may very wellknow what is going on, you just dont know it? I suggest that you talk to your mom and tell her your concerns.
2006-12-27 15:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by southernlane62301 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How could she come to your home to have a vacation with a married man not her husband and your dad didn't find out? Something is wrong here with your story.
2006-12-27 15:45:10 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's not your place. But if you feel you need to interfere show him indirectly. Go somewhere you know they may be. But remember once you do this things will go from bad to worse. It's hard to believe your dad doesn't know. He may know and just not acknowledging it. Don't mess with it right now he will take care of it when he's ready.
2006-12-27 15:47:20 · answer #10 · answered by dnisey64 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
have you tryed talking to her about it? i know it may be hard but she needs to knowhow YOU feel about this whole thing. mabye if you have a close chick friend you should talk to her about it. spend the night at her house watch some movies eat popcorn do nails and talk. when my parents where having a divorce my friends really suported me and helped my out. there probly one of the only resons i pulled through back then
2006-12-27 15:52:52 · answer #11 · answered by annia104 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋