I feel like I'm over him but a friend thinks I'm going to want him back. I'll admit we dated 2 1/2 years, and after a little while I did want him back. I feel like I'm over him. We are keeping in touch a tiny bit as friends, mostly because I'm friends with his sister. I am repeatly saying I'm over him, and he still is roaming around in my head, but I don't think my heart. I'll will also admit we had a good relationship. What are the chances of wanting a ex back if you dated that long? Is it bad to be friends with them? Do you think since he's still on my mind and I'm repeatly saying I'm over him, deep down I want him back or will? I never dated anyone that long so I'm kinda clueless.
2006-12-27 15:20:08 · 20 answers · asked by Artsy 1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The simple answer to your question: Only if you allow for it to happen! Generally the toughest and most emotional period for a female to deal with is first two to three months after the separation. After that period the emotional connection and desire for possessiveness slowly starts to fade away.
Any emotional reactions after that period would generally have some kind of trigger usually associated with specific event or linked to some form of activity. For example it could be a song that you two used to listen to, or going for a drive to specific park and so on. The brain associates these venues and activities to specific emotional responses that you have conditioned yourself to feel during the relationship. Replacing and substituting these activities, environment, even people would eventually replace old accusations with the new responses.
Now to answer your specific questions, by nature, humans are very possessive and need their comfort, the fear of unknown prevents us from trying new things, even if it means staying in debilitating relationships. Therefore, you need to set up a new environment that does not include your ex or any of your common friend, but with activities and people where you feel very comfortable and have a sense of security and belonging. Thus there would be no actual need to have your ex boyfriend around, as the desire to be with him would only be fuelled if your needs for belonging and feeling of comfort are not being met.
Once you set up new and fun environment, maybe joining a new sport club, or dancing studio, or some form of art and craft group, you will have new friends and will keep your mind preoccupied with other thoughts. That being said, you obviously have a long lasting friendship with your ex boyfriend, and even though you might be very happy that way, he would have a strong desire to be with you, and to be entirely honest it would not be even due to the fact that he loves you, but out of sheer desire to take what he can’t have. If you desire to be friends with him, unless he has manage to do the same, that is to set up new friends and new environment where he is happy and productive, there is practically very little chance that your friendship would be without complications.
For how it would be best just to see what progress he has made after separation, if there was successful at doing everything that I suggested above, then it would be very possible to have a good buddy, else it would be very complicated and cause more trouble then its worth.
Good luck, hope that helps, keep me in the loop if you have any more questions.
2006-12-27 15:55:25 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The chances of you still having feeling for you boyfriend seem to be high. If he stays on your mind there is a good chance it's not over for you. You said the relationship was good. I wouldn't have liked to know why it ended. The reason it ended may determine if there's a chance if you two should get back together. Your friend sees something in the both of you that tells her it not over. It's good that you two are still friends after a 2 1/2 year old relationship that speaks for itself. Don't try and make yourself want someone you don't. If you really feel it's over then move on. If you want it let him know. Don't waste time dreaming of something you know you dont want for real. If it's better that you remain friend then let it be just that. If it's better that you get back togetther. Make the best of the relationship this time around and make it last.
2006-12-27 23:33:11 · answer #2 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It varies. I'm kinda in the same situation as you are. My ex and I broke up last April... we had problems definitely. Recently he contacted me again and he apologized for all the mean things he did... I know he's a good person overall and right now I'm quite confused about my feelings towards him... part of me wants him back since I cared about him a lot (still do I suppose), but on the other hand I remember our relationship didn't always go well.
It's really tough... I think part of you wants him back. Perhaps you'll always care for him. I think you should ask yourself several questions like how was the relationship? Why did you break up? Can you see yourself with him again? Are you lonely and miss him for old time's sake or is there more to it?
Honestly no one can figure this out but you. When did you break up? If it was recent of course you'll still have wandering thoughts about him. My situation I had no contact with him at all since April... I thought I was getting over him but now I realize I wasn't really. It's complicated but I think time will help you. Maybe have a talk with him if you feel inclined to... discuss what went wrong, etc. Perhaps if you distance yourself from him a bit you'll be able to put things into perspective.
What I found most helpful in figuring out how I feel is trying not to lie to myself. Seems obvious but no matter how many times i thought to myself "I hate him" I've come to realize that I don't. Do you want him? Do you love him? I think deep down you know.
2006-12-27 23:27:49 · answer #3 · answered by Principessa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question is when you are with other people do you still think of him. Is he the type that made you laugh and feel like there was no one else in this world. A lot depends on your feelings and how much your heart misses him not just the head. No one can know the answer for sure not even your friend, only you. If he was to start dating someone else would this bother you? Are you physically attracted to him or emotionally? You have to ask yourself these questions. Good luck and I think time will tell.
2006-12-27 23:27:19 · answer #4 · answered by Just wondering 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I personally am the type that never stops loving my exes. It sucks sometimes. But I think everyone you let close to you plays a role on who you are so in a way I thank them for giving me strengths. As far as being friends with him goes that is a little bit harder to do. I think it is important that you stay on good terms with him but being friends can lead you to some pretty uncomortable places. Imagine that you are dating a new guy and are having a lot of friends over to celebrate you birthday. Naturally you are going to have the new man there and if you are having all your friends your ex will be there too, won't that be uncomfortable to kiss another man in front of him or worse, visa versa. You can be polite to him and still be fiends with his sister, I've done it. I would go pick her up say hi to him and leave. You are the only one that knows wether or not you still want him
2006-12-27 23:27:03 · answer #5 · answered by ADragonsGoddess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact is he's part of you now. Even if you never get back with him, memories will reside in your heart and mind forever.
it's not a bad thing. Memories are what make you who you are. A good relationship is good for you and will be a strength for your next relationship.
Should you get back with him? I guess that's up to you? You have to decide why you broke up and if the reason still exists. Whatever you decide, be sure it's best for you. When you're in a relationship, you think of the other person, but when you're deciding if you want the relationship, you have to think if it's right for you.
In any case, don't think too hard. Just make a decision and do it.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 23:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Originally, relationships are intended to lead toward marriage which is suppose to last until death. You need to analyze the reason why you guy broke up. We're not in control of our feeling and you might still have feeling for him. It's not wrong to stay friend with him but you need to be honest with yourself: do you still want him in your life, if the answer is yes, go for it. If in the other hand the answer is no because of some in-comparability or attraction matter, you need to allow time and continue being honest with yourself. If you still like him, then you need to deal with that and there's nothing wrong with going back with him if that's the right thing to do.
2006-12-27 23:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by junior's700 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depending what happened throughout our relationship, if it was my fault, then i would not mind to have him back. but if he cheated or personality did not match, then u should not have him back. always remember why you both broke up, that would help to get those memories out of your mind. also u both been together for more then 2 years, so it would make sense if you think and misses him sometimes, because you are not used to it, and you will need some time to change and move on. don't make a decision right now, give youself and him some time to see. and it is not bad to be friends with your ex-bf right away, but it is just going to make yourself harder to get over him, so i would take some time off without talking to him. it would be good for you and help you to see if u really need him back.
2006-12-27 23:26:42 · answer #8 · answered by regina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you see him with another girl? holding hands? This is how i check if I am over someone for sure. If you get jealous and don't want to see him with another girl then your not over him. Your friend did not have a realtionship like yours becuase each one is soo unique so she can't say that you WILL want him back becase everyone is different. alot. He'll always remin in your heart & im sure you still love him. But you love him as a person not as a boyfriend and hopefulyl you are just comfortable with the fact of being his friend..
2006-12-27 23:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by Gaga <3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depending on how you guys broke up? if it was for the wrong reasons you should keep on telling yourself your over him. If is was on good terms i believe you should follow your heart don't listen to your head. It's never a bad thing to be friends unless it hurts you to be around him, then it is bad because it will drive you crazy! From experience if he is in your heart not your head you should try again and stop fighting it because if you don't you will live to regret it otherwise you will never know what could have been.
2006-12-27 23:29:44 · answer #10 · answered by misti m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋