13 weeks prego, getting really depressed, resenting my boyfriend....?

Question

I dont really have a question, just looking for some comforting advice I guess. Im 13 weeks prego, getting depressed. This pregnancy was unplanned, cant say Im excited about it. Im 24, been with my bf for 3 years. Im a full time university student, in my last year. My boyfriend hasnt held a job longer then one week, and hasnt had more then 5 jobs in the entire 3 yrs weve been together. I have no family to go to. I pay all bills with the tiny amount of money I get from loans for school. Im very worried about money situations. I dont know how to motivate my bf to get a job and got sick of nagging about 2.5 yrs ago. I just always feel like crying. He never buys me presents of birthdays or xmas cuz he never has money. I just dont know what to do. I have this baby coming....I resent my bf more and more everyday. Do I do this alone? What do I do? I do love this man though....I feel so desperate

Answer 1

Hunny, I feel for you. This is a very hard thing to deal with....unfortunately it looks like you are going to be doing this on your own whether you stay with your man or not. It is sad that even having a baby on the way hasn't given him a kick in the butt. Love isn't always enough to make a relationship survive, especially when there is another lil life to support. I would sit your boyfriend down and have a very serious talk with him. Tell him that if you don't see any improvement that you are going to leave him (if that is what you are going to do). I would resent my man if he were like that too. Does he want to have the baby? If he was supportive of having the baby then he def. needs to get his a** in gear. I wish you the best of luck and i hope everything works out for you. God won't give you more than you can handle and you have the most precious gift growing inside of you. I know you are scared and that can make you depressed but focus on the joys of a baby growing right there inside of you. Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror, rubbing your belly and talking to your baby....that might make you feel a lil better.

Answer 2

Need some advice?

He needs to go. If he doesn't work, and you're not his mommy, why are you supporting him? Jeesh... he can't be THAT good in bed.

You're in college... almost out of college, actually. FINISH SCHOOL. This will be what gets you some independence. Start looking for part-time jobs now if you don't already have one. That at least gets your foot in the door somewhere, and you can move to full-time (depending on where you choose to work) after graduation.

You don't have to do this alone. But this guy is dragging you down. Make friends. There are many other women in your situation. Talk to your OBGYN about women's groups or other mommy-to-be activities you can participate in so you can meet other women in the same situation. Your friends can be your rock, so keep that in mind. Just because he planted the seed doesn't mean he needs to stick around to watch it grow. If his sole contribution is sperm, you deserve much better.

Depression is very common during pregnancy. You'll have higher highs and lower lows than you've ever had because there are so many hormones coursing through your body right now. It's normal. Just keep your eyes on the prize... the degree... the independence... and the little person growing inside of you.

He won't change. You can't motivate him. Put his possessions in a trash bag and meet him at the door. It may be a wake-up call, or he may just go and not care. But either way your situation is bound to improve.

Answer 3

I had gotten married at 19 to an abusive man, also a lazy one, also did not hold a job for very long, his longest stretch was 5 months- sad part was when I met him he had two little ones already and had held a job for over two years until I got into the picture- go figure- anyway, three years down the road, two more kids later, in the end I left with my two babies. We have been *much* happier since. Yes its hard, and yes I am living with my parents, but I did not get a college degree, you are one step ahead of me on that one, although I did just start college 3 months ago and I am now 38 weeks prego- you can do it on your own. It is a little more lonely, but just as stress full- Life is full of stress, no matter what form it takes, it all depends on how you handle it, and learn to cut out unnecessary stress, like a b/f that wants to stay a teenager.

I am glad that you did not mention anything about abortion, as a mother I could not do it myself, although I understand peoples fear of raising a child when it was not planned. You can do it, many women have.

Answer 4

well i know i dont have expirience but i just want to try to make u feel better cuz my best friend went through this too , well i think u should tell your boyfriend how you really feel or else ur gonna explode one day and get into a fight. Even if you hate nagging him you should tell him to get a job, because if you dont then he probably start to think that your okay with him not having a job, also because you shouldnt have to be the one working too hard during your pregnancy. Also to relax i think you should set up a bubble bath and read a book just stay in there for an hour just to get some peace and quiet or hang out with some of ur good friends and talk.
well good luck with ur baby congrats!
im sure you will feel better about it when ur baby is born
cheerup:) happy holidays

Answer 5

Oh, trust me you are not alone! I think it's normal to get depressed and feel resentment towards your partner. My pregnancy was unplanned, and I am also a full-time university student (in my second year) so I know the stress you are going thru. I think the main reason we resent our boyfriends/husbands, is because in a way they have more freedom than we do. We have to worry about being safe, and eatting a healthy diet, and taking care of ourselves, and the list continues, and all they have to worry about is themselves. I know I hated my fiance, once we found out I was pregnant, because I was carrying a heavier load than him and doing most of the work. It's still like that in some cases, but it gets better as time goes on. You will still resent them and you will still hate certain things that go on while you're pregnant, but you soon start to get excited about the baby. I didn't want to have the baby for the longest time. It wasn't until 6 months that I actually started getting excited and actually want to be pregnant. One way you could try to motivate your boyfriend, is stop doing what you have been doing. If you can afford to go without something that both of you use, like cable...let the cable get turned off for a couple of weeks or have it cut off yourself. Or stop giving him money (if you do) and just worry about yourself. I did that with my fiance and eventually he got the hint, when he got tired of watching DVDs instead of cable. Sometimes when they know that even though you are pregnant, you are going to make ends meet one way or another, they won't help you. They will let you do and show small attempts at trying just to get by. So try and not do so much and see if his attitude about working changes. Or you could try talking to him and be stern and serious with him. LEt him know if he doesn't start helping you you're going to find someone who will, or get help from friends and family and leave him out of the picture completely. If you let him continue to do what he's doing, then he won't change...show him that he has to change or there will be consequences for him. It sounds a little childish, but it might work. :):)

Good Luck to you!! You are not alone!!

Answer 6

Alright Sweetie, buck up here. Love is a very powerful thing and you can't ignore it. Why you love this guy is inmaterial, literally, but the two of you have a baby coming. Last thing you need to do is worry and be depressed. You can't expect changes from him, he has to want to do that on his own. You can do what you can, depend on yourself. Your must be academically smart so use it. Put together a plan relying on you. A visual outline. Mark your achievements and goals. Pamper yourself, and watch yourself glow. Plan for this baby, turn to friends, maybe even see if your doctor knows of a support group. Sometimes the Universities have different groups too. The choices you feel you have to make regarding your boyfriend need to be weighed out carefully and in a good frame of mind. You have plenty of time for those choices. Good Luck, I know you'll do what is right for the 3 of you.

Answer 7

first of all I don't believe in "unplanned" or "accidental" or "surprise" pregnancies. If you CHOSE to have sex then you CHOSE all of the consquences that come with that act and one of those consequences was pregnancy...so basically it was a CHOICE. I also don't beleive you love your boyfriend...and please don't call him a man because he is a long way from being a man. He is STILL a boy. IF you truly loved him you wouldn't resent him and you wouldn't be having feelings of desperaton. There is NOTHING you can do to motivate your BOYfriend to get a job, he obviously doesn't want one and doesn't care what happens to you or you unborn child. I suggest going to a local church in your denomination or charitable organization and see if they can help you.

Answer 8

Focus on the miracle inside of you. If you don't feel this is the right time in your life...adoption could be an option. Being pregnant does bring out the emotional side of you, so the crying might just be the hormones. If you want to keep your baby, talk to your boyfriend and let him know your concerns.

Answer 9

I would suggest talking with your doctor about some anti-depressants. They will help you feel better and help you know that any decision you make is yours and not your hormones. There are programs you can get on to help you with medical bills and such while you are pregnant. I think you can do it alone if you can go to school and still deal with an immature male. Good luck sweetie. If you need any help or anyone to talk to you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 10

listen mami.i suggest you think really good about this.it doesnt sound like he takes care of you at all.it seems like he isnt worth the time.i think you should re-evaluation your situation.i left my boifriend after i was pregnant for 3 months.he didnt buy me anything and i felt depressed alot of the time.then i legt him and i realized that i didnt needed him to survive i left.and since them i ve been doing well.sure ive had other boyfriend but ive learned one thing.life goes on.if ya really dont want to be pregnant and dont object den have a abortion.either way mami be careful. and i hope ya understand there are alot of people in the same situation as you.take care and be safe.