around a year ago he started dating a girl from a disfunctional family and has slowly taken on their traits.:staying out all night with out calling home. smack talking his mother. i have smelt pot on his clothes. He doesnt turn 18 untill August or I would bust him in the mouth and send him packing. We used to be a very close family, I can hardly type this I am shaking so much with anger
2006-12-27 14:50:46 · 18 answers · asked by Cecil 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you're responsible for your children and it looks like you had done a poor job with him ;( if it is possible still, then talk to him. you should'nt have let him go out with a girl like that in the first place. its sad how you're suffering the consequences of his actions when you could've done something in the beginning to stop it. in my opinion, don't cut off relations with your relatives, especially your own son. do whatever you can as a parent to fix him up before he's 18 and can make his own choice to leave the house or not. you'll probably regret ever kicking out your son even if you feel it is the right choice right now. maybe your house is missing peace. remember that saying 'communication is key to a long lasting relationship'? maybe he doesn't really know how much his behaviour is hurting you. maybe he wasn't taught properly how to respect elders/parents or maybe he forgot because maybe you haven't properly enforced it. try to think of reasons why you love him (think of happy moments together) when he gets you angry or you feel like you can live without him. could it be that you're missing spiritual needs? if your answer isn't solved, you can always go to God. try picking up the Quran and tell your son to read it as well. if THAT doesn't work, i dont know what will... well, that is the perfect advice i can come up with. hope my advice is helpful! Take care ;D
2006-12-27 15:05:27 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Pr1nc355*~ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My parents tossed my brother out twice. He was also introduced to pot smoking by friends- to be exact by his nursing school buddies.The second time my parents made it clear to him that they couldn't stand his ways and that they wished he would do more for the family and with the family- instead of only sleeping and eating- was the last time. He committed suicide shortly after. How would you feel as a parent, if something like that happens to your family. When we are in a bad situation, we often think that it cannot get any worst. It can. Hug your son instead of nagging and scolding him.... and tell him you are there for him- no matter what. Have him go to counseling with all of you guys, before it's too late. Pot can mess up ones mind. Be proactive now that you know that he smokes pot. Without professional help, it will only go downwards from here.
2006-12-27 15:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cecil,
Try to calm down...Believe it or not this is normal..At this age young adults seem to think of only themselves..Its normal but it doesn't make it right...The good thing is he will most likely get out of this phase when he grows up, he will eventually realize how he has disrespected you...But as for the time being he needs to know that he can not walk all over you..Until he is out paying his own bills and being responsible enough to do that he is under your roof and needs to follow them...Enforce your rules, Set boundaries for him. If he refuses set a date and tell him if he does not get his self together and start respecting you then he must leave..Stick to your guns. Two things will happen, either he will leave and realize he is not ready to take on that much responsibility , or he will stay out and see what the real world is really like. It will definitely make him grow up. But either way he needs to look back on this situation and realize that is not the way you treat some one..Having respect for people is extremely important in the type of man he will end up being..
It is not the easiest thing in the world to do when you are the parent b/c we worry so much..
I've seen what happens when you allow your children to do these things and I hate to say even though I love them I am ashamed to even know these people when we are in public..(not my children)
2006-12-27 15:15:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters, this is your son and that's your home. You and your mate set the ground rules with no exceptions. Its not good to throw him out because he is 17. If something happens the local law enforcement will be looking at you instead of your son. Lets try to have a family meeting with all family members that are living with you. You and your mate will have to be stern without any hesitations. Try to get your son to talk about his feelings and things of that nature. Regardless to what your son wants to do just keep in mind that you and your mate have the final say. And if that doesn't work the way you want it to just call the local law enforcement and have them to come to your home and then have another family meeting with the officer there to partake in this situation as well.
2006-12-27 15:03:49 · answer #4 · answered by George 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mother to mother: Is dad around? If he is then he has already stepped over the line not once but several with a male figure in the home. He did not suffer anything from his "outburst", and that lead to this. We all did stuff when we were younger because remember we were invincable at that age. If your going to do anything...do it NOW. Enough with the nice guy stuff. House has rules, so hand over the cell phone, car keys "if he uses his own." and all the luxuary of the "good" life. We are to provide food, clothing, shelter, guidence and love...all that extra equipment ipods, cells, designer labels is rewards for doing your "part".
2006-12-27 15:01:05 · answer #5 · answered by jshorePR 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is 18. I tried everything, you name it, from programs, spiritual counseling, therapist, friends, family. She lived with several relatives before dropping out of school. I have done everything in my power to help her and to teach her to respect people. I pray so much and so hard. In the state of Texas, they're considered an adult at age 17, so I couldn't force her to go to school anymore. All I know is this: We need to give our children love and guidance, but when they become adults, they're responsible for their own decisions and they will suffer the consequences. I've put her life in God's hands now. There is not much more I can do other than give her love, pray for her and offer her guidance when she asks for it. It hurts, it really hurts.
Signed,
Hurt and Disappointed in Texas
2006-12-27 15:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by Butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cecil
You are the D.A.D. He is 17?? Your house= YOUR RULES !! Do not hit him, but teach him respect through his choices.. If “son” does “this” tell him, “that” will be the consequences. He needs clear concise absolute consequences if he chooses wrong!
He’s pushing you because YOU allow it !
This situation didn’t start just because he has a low-life g/f.. he’s been “pushing” for years. If he truly had love/honor/respect for you and your wife, no g/f couldn’t change that. (provided it was “imprinted” on him from childhood)
2006-12-27 15:06:05 · answer #7 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy. That must be tough. As the mother of two small boys, I can only imagine how difficult it is. Please be patient. Kicking him out will only bring him closer to the gf's family. Pray he comes to his senses and comes back into your fold. Sounds like he is developing a drug problem which explains the attitude. Wondering if you should contact a drug intervention or family counseling program for advice on how to deal with this.
2006-12-27 14:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs a trip to the youth detention center,all you have to do is file charges saying that he is an unruley teen and then they will pick him up from school,how long he stays,depends on his attitude.You don't deserve his attitude to the both of you,if he continues his behavior,take things away from him such as not starting dinner,,,,then he cant play his games,something more serious like no homework,take everything out that would be a distraction,everything but books and light...When he turns 18 then he's out the door with no place to go,see how long it takes for him to crawl back and eat crow...Don't give in too easy.....
2006-12-27 15:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by raventears56 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would first call your local police dept (non-emergency #) and child services and ask them the legality to throwing your son out of your house. He may not be considered legal until he is 18 but you guys do not need to be putting up with this crap!!! Once, you get this info. than sit down with your child and tell him the new laws of the house and the conseqeunces involved if he breaks the these "new Laws' of your house! I would call both #'s tonite and take care of this immediately!
2006-12-27 15:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋