My 16 yr old is moving in with his 26 yr old brother. Should I let him?

Question

My 16 yr old has always been difficult..I have had him in counseling since he was 10 and he spent almost 2 yrs in a Military type shelter for difficult children. I visited him every weekend while he was in the shelter 2 1/2 hr drive one way. He has terrible grades and is often suspended. The principal will not let him in the regular school because he is disruptive in class. He is currently in alternative school 4 hrs a day. They would kick him out but they labeled him Special Ed. He smokes etc and has no allowance or work because he won't do anything to earn $
He will be moving in with his brother who is FT military.
I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. He opens the windows in the middle of winter, Leaves doors unlocked etc. Any simple task he refuses to even try to do right.
I take him to hockey games, movies, races, rodeos, concerts etc. I am really hurt he doesn't want to behave. I don't want to give this burden to my other son but don't know what to.

Answer 1

I think it's a good idea. Your older son sounds quite responsible and wouldn't let any harm come to him..probably wouldn't take any crap either. Maybe a strong male influence is what's needed. 16 is a really grotty age, I wouldn't be 16 again for all the money in the world. It's a really confusing time and as a teenager your brain is still developing, learning problem solving and trying to puzzle things out. You don't mention his father so I'm assuming you're single? As a teenage boy, he'll probably relate more to his brother than you, maybe even see him as a role model. You've done everything you can so don't blame yourself. Don't feel guilty or feel that you've failed. You're simply making a choice about what's best for your child. Visit him often, call every night, let him know you're still there if he needs you but give yourself and him some space to work things out. good luck x

Answer 2

NO!! But do let him spend school breaks and summers with him. It would be good for him to be around his responsible brother. But letting him just go essentially on his own doesn't seem like a good idea. You are finacially responsible for him (and his actions) until he is 21. Sometimes, especially for kids with the special ed label they just get frustrated with school. Having a job could really help him with his self esteem. Maybe a grocery store or dishwashing job after school where he can earn his own money. His goal could be to buy a car or something else that he really wants. Or to save for his first place when he turns 18..... hang in there. Only a couple more years - and then he suffers for his mistakes, not you. I wouldn't want to get the call that he broke into a bunch of cars or robbed a bank - and now I have to pay for it because I wasn't doing everything I could to keep an eye on him.

Answer 3

He has some issues with authority, I'm going to go on a limb and say that his father is not around. He may have a step father but that isn't enough. If he's gone to counseling and you've had no luck, he might be having trouble relating to and old guy in a suit, tie, or sweater. Let him go, see how it goes. He also may have a behavior disorder, see a psychiatrist for medicine. If not. then have him see me, in a few years. I'll be a psychologist and I don't wear a tie. I wear a sleeve-less shirt with a sport coat over, when I talk to teenagers, I remove my jacket to show my tattoos (I was in the Marines). I talk to kids, I'M NO PROFFESSIONAL YET. I'm like a big bro. Since he has one use him, if not tell me.

Answer 4

I don't think he is the problem, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you should not reward for being bad. If you take away everything you are doing for him he will be mad, but, only for a little while. I to am a parent, and I tried what you are trying so I feel that I know what you are going through. It's non of my busines,I know, but try it O.K .... No matter how much you want to give in, don't, you are the parent and you know best about whats good for your son and thats all that matters. Try that befor you let your som leave you ............ Tough love is not pretty but it's the best thing a lot of then time!!!!!

Answer 5

Don't give up. He is a teen... so you... the parent... are not cool. He does not want to hang out with you... don't make him. Let him have friends, but make sure you know who they are.

DO NOT let him move in with his older brother. Not yet. If you can't handle him, with all of your knowledge and life experience, what makes you think the 26 year old will do any better?

Keep him at home... you are off the hook when he is 17 or 18 depending on where you live.

Answer 6

If your son is willing to accept the responsibility and you know he is dependable and trustworthy I see no reason not to let him go. It might just be what the Dr. ordered. Military persons are well disciplined and he may just be able to teach the younger one some manners and respect.

Answer 7

Send him to a military boarding school. He is less likely to improve living with his brother... bad move. Don't take him to anything or give him any money other than food and shelter. Maybe when nothing is free anymore he will appreciate it.

Answer 8

If his older brother has no problem in having him with him send him. May be things will be better for him by living by himself. He may become responsible. We never know. Give it a try.

Answer 9

He may respect his brother more and not try that nonscence he sounds like hes headed down the wrong path so it cant hurt

Answer 10

No.

Does he have a father? You need help rasing this kid. He seems to have very deep emotional problems.