Future mother-in-law problems?

Question

I just recently got engaged (yay) and my future mother-in-law made the comment "Well, now you get to call me Mom!!" And she seems really excited about it...however, I know that my mom would really hate it if I called her mom (she has come straight out and told me she would). She said she would feel uncomfortable with it because she was the one who raised me and everything. I completely understand but how do I tell my future mother-in-law I don't want to call her mom without hurting her feelings??

Answer 1

I found myself in a similar situation, and have been married for just over three months. As soon as we were engaged, my MIL started leaving messages that started with "Hi, sweetheart, it's mom!" and it made me kind of nuts. I mean, I have a mom. I decided to just tell her that while I value our relationship and understand how much she means to my husband, that I'd be more comfortable calling her by her first name. At first she seemed a little taken aback, but I think that's just because I took all of the emotion out of it and tried to be rational. Ever since, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I would just be honest with her. And, remember, try not to let things like this take away from your BIG DAY... you have enough to worry about!! :)

Answer 2

This may not be something that your future mother-in-law (FMIL) even feels strongly about - her comment may just have been an expression of her excitement and happiness (and affection for you). Unless she or someone else pushes the issue, there may not be a need to discuss this directly. If you're more comfortable just calling her by her name, do that. Things may change over the years, besides. (And I do think your mother shouldn't take it personally - she's not replacing your mother, and that should be clear to everyone. But you have to do whatever works for you.) You may find that it's easier to call her "mom" sometimes and by her name sometimes down the road. I call my FMIL by her first name (she hasn't asked me to do otherwise, though), but when I write cards and stuff to her, I address them to "Mom" and sign both of our names - my fiance's name first, mine second.

You can make it work - just give it some time before you make any statements or have any discussions that may follow you down the road. And congratulations!

Answer 3

All mom's are very possessive. I think you will be the only child to your parents. That's why your mom is thinking like that.

I faced same type of problem. Pls don't tell your mother in law that your mom does not like her calling mom. Unnecessarily they will have misunderstanding. You tell your mother in law i like so and so foregin language they will call mom only by this way. So i will also like to call you like this. I am sure your mother in law will understand.

For time being don't call your Mother in law as mom especially in front of your parents.

This is the time for you to enjoy. Don't waste time for worrying small things. Once you get married you will not get this spinster life. All the best for your life.

Answer 4

Personally I'm lucky me and my hubby sees it this way. I had my parents before I got married. He had his parents before he got married. Now we've got OUR parents. I do call his mom, mom cause she's asked me not to say Mrs. or Ma'am...and every now and then I will say her first name but it's Mom. I call my mom MOM too. Luckily she's not upset about it because she sees my husband as a son to. I personally can understand why your mom would have a problem with it because she's right she raised you. So I'd pull your mother in law to one side and say i can't call you mom and it's for respect of my own mom, I don't want to hurt her or upset her as I don't want to upset you so is there something else I may call you? She might have a nickname that she wants ya to call her or ya'll can think of a forgien word that means Mom too and you don't have to tell your mom what it means.

Answer 5

Sit her down and explain to her the while you respect her as a mother, and honor her as the mother of your beloved; you have a mother whom you love dearly who raised you. Explain that in the context of your mind, she is 'mother' or 'mom'. Be sure to emphasize that this in no way diminishes the affection that you have for her (your fiancee's mom), it is just that particular word already has a subject. Then ask her if there is another name with which she would like to be called. Perhaps her first, given, name, or 'nana', or something. Be sure to do this in a calm, loving way. Do not blame your mother to your mother-in-law-to-be or this may cause contention between those two. Good luck.

Answer 6

I've been in that situation before. The next time you see her just keep calling her by her name and if she asks why you haven't called her mom just tell her that you'd rather like to call her by her name because you would like to think of her as more of a best friend to you. If she still doesn't like that just be straight with her about and tell her how you feel about it.

Answer 7

In the best case, marriage creates an extended family. Your mom is not being wise, mature, responsible or helpful with her attitude. She should be infinitely happy for you that your new mother-in-law really wants you to be part of her family and she shouldn't try to discourage a good relationship. Besides, doesn't she know the old saying: she's not losing a daughter, she's gaining a son?

Answer 8

Your mother needs to loosen up. Calling your hubby-to-be's mother "mom" does not take anything away from your own mother. It's an affectionate term to call the woman who raised the wonderful man in your life.

Frankly, there isn't a way to call her something else and not hurt her feelings. She's excited to be gaining a daughter, and though she will probably understand your reasons when you explain it to her, she'll still feel stung.

Answer 9

i think its great that she said that to you! that means that she likes you :) thats kind of an honor... maybe you could do it when your mom is not around? im not really sure why she would have a problem with it though both of my parents always called all the mother in laws "mom"

Answer 10

I feel for you. I think I would tell her that you don't want to disrespect your own mother. There is nothing against her. That you feel uncomfortable calling her mom. Just tell her how you feel and why. Be truthful and honest. I'm sure (I hope) she will understand.