Got engaged a year ago, now feelings are changing, tell or not to tell?

Question

I got engaged a year ago, it was arranged. I went India and met her had a engagement ceremony, we were happy. Infatuation more than the love actuallly

I know I have to marry her in around 2 years, and she is nice, but she is really boring. and i dont really feel love for her.

It is common, liking somebody first and then finding them boring?

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

If she says the same to you and if you love her a lot, what would you feel in your heart??Think it well. It's a girls life. Since you said india, Don't you think if you reject her now, How will people behave to her and it will a trouble for her whole life, even if she gets married to someone else.

You should have done this in the first place with your parents. I would say it is really bad to behave like that now. Since you are a guy, you can get so many girls. But think of her life. If she seems boring, tell her how you expect her to be and make her understand, boring will make both of you apart and you want you both to be together a happy family.

Answer 2

This is a complex situation. The reasons given by you are very trivial ones. Stiil there is an effort to answer that.

First, if you are really sure that you do not have any feelings of love for her, you must not put her in the situation. She shall have to leave the country for abroad and if you abandon her a later stage, she would come back to hostilities of a conservative society. You better tell her now and prevent the damage.

But let me clarify one thing. I am compelled to believe that you find her boring because of your exposure to a foreign & relatively free country. She has been here in India, probably, brought up in a conservative atmosphere. If that is the case, let me tell you that she might adapt very well to your country of stay and you shall have not to worry about prevailing promiscuity in that country as you shall have a wife with rock solid values. I hope you have not overseen the Indian values and virtues while concluding that she is boring & unfit for you.

Have second thoughts on this and then decide. If you still feel the non attchment, you must not marry her.

Answer 3

Well my friend, you have a few options. You can not say anything and then two months down the road get a divorce and be miserable. That ring you're about to put on the ladies finger entitles her to half of what you have ya know. Or you sure can say something and be miserable because you're no longer getting any action, not to mention she'll probably proceed to kick ya in the nads, break all your car windows, and steal your dog Fido. But being as boring as she is she will probably just cry and find some cave to crawl into with a stash of grain alcohol and drink her sorrows away for the rest of her lonely single life. You can always just steal your engagement ring back and go the pawn shop with it, then head directly to the local gentlemans club and throw it all away in one night. At least you would get some gratification outta option #3...You decide.

Answer 4

In the first place your parents made the mistake of doing the formal engagement when the marriage was to be formalised after two years. And now having gone ahead, you find the girl boring. It seems the family is at the cross-roads of Indian and Western values. It may sound trivial for you, being a boy, but think about the Indian girl who will undergo and be crushed under the stress caused by your whimsical decision. Think before you decide.Please ! It is not a joke.

Answer 5

That's great of you that you have come up with a question before it hurts any body.
How do you judge that "she is nice and boring" both at the same time?
There is enough heat in your heart for her, problem is you need to blow enough wind to make it a fire.
It depends on what parameters you are making your decisions.
Do not rush in to a fast track decision making of breaking.
Any way there is no confirmation that the next girl you get will be "Ugly and exiting" both at the same time.
Need serious counselling contact Counsellor at [e-mail]
God Bless You.

Answer 6

American romances traditionally start out RED HOT and most of the time grow stone cold.

I'm told that middle eastern arranged marriages start out stone cold and often grow to a wonderful warmth.

Love is not a feeling that changes with the wind. It is a decision and on many levels a developed skill. I think it wise to consult the God who designed you (and her). Get His advise and when you decide to love, do it through the exciting times as well as the boring.

Should you make it your habit to consult and obey God on every decision, the best for you is yet to come....

Answer 7

I would tell her. It's not far to either of you. Can you imagine being married to this person and always knowing in your heart that there was someone else out there for you??? That would be hard to live with. Do yourselfs both a favor and tell her how you feel. It may hurt, but nothing like it could. Good luck.

Answer 8

my dear cf
all that has happened to u .. has happened for ur known good ... when u said she is nice i understand that she is not ugly or bad tempered ... but when u say she is boring it definitely mean she is not ur type ...
within these few days of chats and calls u feel that she is boring wat will happen if u spend ur life with her? ... it is better to break her heart now then troubling the poor soul all her life ... she might have built a castle abt u in dreams but better shatter it now slowly ... or else when she comes to stay in castle .. problem might be very serious ...

and u will end up loosing on both sides ... neither ur parents will support u nor their ... first talk to ur dad .. since he may understand wat u feel abt her ... no matter was be a man dear ... now if u cant be daring ..u can never be so ...

no matter how sentimental ppl become be strong on wat u feel ... if u go by sentiments then ...

all the best
i wish she overcomes this grief soon ...
bye

Answer 9

this is serious enough of a decision to take time to really think about.
Here is what I did before I got married... There are two questions you must ask yourself and answer honestly...
1. can you imagine the rest of your life with this person ?
2. can you imagine even one day of your life without this person?
If your answer to the second question is yes, you should really reconsider getting married this soon. get married when you can answer "NO" without hesitation to the second question before you commit to marriage. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

Yes, but go ahead w/ the marriage...she is boring because she has not lived life yet. So make memories with her!! Marry young, grow together, shape each other into the person that you desire. Fill her emptiness w/ luv and respect. Don't be so cocky...r u really that interesting??