ok, i live in a small house with my sister , mother and my niece. I am 31 and am a carer for my mother who is house bound. Also Im needed to pick up my niece from school everyday and babysit her as my sister works full time. This has been going on for 2 years now. If I am not here to help then everything will fall apart even more. There is no plan B. My mother wants to move back to ireland where she was born and for all of us to go with her. My sister does not want go and I dont want the whole burden put on me. I have two older brothers one is married and lives with his family miles away, very conviniently for him, the other one is pretty much mentally unstable and is a huge worry also, he is a manic depressive with violent tendancies and Ive tried many times to help him but we are all afraid that one day he will hurt someone but no one has any way to fix him. Basically Im in the middle of this mess and I cant see anyway out of it without betraying my family completely. Help.
2006-12-27 11:55:25 · 9 answers · asked by james l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, its like this. Your mother should have no say and not expect any of you to move back to Ireland. She should thank her lucky stars that you are giving up your life to take care of her. Tell your mom that if you can contact a nursing home in Ireland that will take her in that you will put her on a plane if she pays for it, and have the nursing home pick her up at the airport.You can look up some information on the internet. Then you can get a full time job and you and your sister can hire a sitter to take care of the niece and pay 1/2 the bill each. Maybe then you can find a man, have a life, a place of your own, and take care of yourself for a change. Don't you dare pick up and go to Ireland just because your mom wants to. That is not your burden. It is your mothers wishes. And for all you know when she gets there she could change her mind and want you to bring her back here. You can not afford to keep starting over. And over there you would have no family, friends, or support system if you happen to need it. You are not betraying your family. You are letting them manipulate you. Try thinking about what YOU Want ! Good luck.
2006-12-27 12:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have read the answers you have gotten so far. I think they are good things to think about. I am 76 years old and I think it is very selfish of your Mother to want to even think of requesting or wanting to go back to Ireland. I think she is being a bit self centered.I am a firm believer that we take care of our elderly parents but I think in your case if I was you, I would have around the table talk with all concerned. You have taken on this responsibility of your Mother and the rest are letting you. You need to declare to the others that you are no more or less responsible for this problem then they are. Now that you have made yourself clear, make some changes that the other answers state. I wish I could offer you more. I have been in a similar situation and it's rough. You are in my thoughts and I hope that your New Year will be different and better for you.
2006-12-27 13:31:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should realize that doing something for yourself does not mean that you are betraying your family. it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but I would hate to see you miss out on a life and family of your own. i think that you and your brothers and sister all need to sit down and figure out a plan. a realistic one that is fair to everyone in the family.
My dad cared for both of his parents for close to 10 years. he lived in their home so they did not have to go to a nursing home, and did everything for them down to wiping their bottoms. His sisters lived about 2 hours away and would visit maybe every couple months. Point being....once my grandparents passed away, my aunts were right there to start packing and taking anything of value. My dad was left with absolutly nothing and is now living alone in a piece of **** trailer. After all those years of sacraficing his own life, he got no reward.
I'm not saying that you should be rewarded for taking care of your mother, but it should be a responsibility shared among the whole family. maybe your sister should also switch her hours if possible to be there for your neice.
Good luck...Either way, know that your mother will be so greatful even if it is not spoken.
2006-12-27 12:12:44 · answer #3 · answered by redsox fan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you keep on things will not get better. Make sure your young niece is took care of. Spend some time on yourself and find some friends to spend time with. You need to also take care of you. Youare letting yourself get stressed. So what if something is late. Do things as you get time and spend some time on yourself. If your sister can work you can to. Find a different shift. This will get you out of the house and let you be around others to make friends.
2006-12-27 12:01:13 · answer #4 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow that sounds like a really serious situation. Well, you have to do something that would overall help your entire family. If your sister is working and your niece is in school, wouldn't it be best fro your family to stay there? I know your mom wants to move, but she has to think about every ones needs, and not just what she wants.
2006-12-27 12:01:47 · answer #5 · answered by Fuzzyglasses 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mother is being unreasonable to expect all her adult children to just up and move to Ireland with their families. At the same time I understand your difficulty because none of us want to fall out with our mothers. I think you need to sit her down for a chat on this. You are adults and have your own lives to live too and she should not expect you to just jump when she says jump now that you're adults.
2006-12-29 05:57:36 · answer #6 · answered by Paranormal I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't uproot your entire life to move to ireland for your mom. ask your far-away brother for help once a week, so you can have an evening off.
manic depressive people are very difficult to deal with. it's especially difficult if it's someone you care about. try to get him to a psychicatrist. if he's violent, you can call the cops and they'll arrest him and force him to get meds. of course, that won't guarantee he'll take them. good luck.
2006-12-27 12:04:08 · answer #7 · answered by Becky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi Pammi, i for my section sense for you, yet because it is your wedding ceremony i've got faith you may desire to place your foot down and tell your mom she is being very infantile, she has to comprehend that's your day and by using doing this she is spoiling it for each guy or woman and he or she is being selfish by using not questioning approximately different peoples emotions ,this is barely for some hours and he or she could be waiting to restrain herself. you'll be company nonetheless, perchance even threaten to elope to keep the fear . this is one among those shame that families combat with one yet another, in the event that they only comprehend what they're lacking out on, I even have this situation to boot I even have 3 brothers one I even have seen as quickly as when you consider that 1978 the different 2 I even have seen two times in approximately two decades. I unquestionably wish you come across a answer and want you have an exquisite day
2016-12-11 17:15:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend Jack Daniels...
2006-12-27 11:58:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋