we have been going out for two years now and she is always saying she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life together but i dont feel that the spark is no longer there between us.i stil love her but not as what i used to.
2006-12-27 11:18:34 · 24 answers · asked by Dan W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh heck! I feel so sorry for you...There is no way you can do this without hurting her feelings I'm afraid Hun...I think you have other reasons for wanting to finish this relationship though don't you? You've been together for 2 years now...all those butterflies have long gone...I don't think that's why you want out of this...loads of marriages work out just fine long after the so called honeymoon period has subsided....Love isn't a twittery little feeling deep down in our boots, it's a conscious decision to stay by the person that's become a part of us...it's knowing we don't want to wake up without them in our lives...we can still be attracted to other people but have made a commitment within ourselves to stay faithful to one person...so we decide in advance that we won't be going around dishing it out wherever the fancy takes us...Maybe over these past 2 yrs you've come to realise that in fact you don't quite click with this Girl the way you thought you did at the beginning..& that's fine. Whatever you do, you have to stay true to yourself. because not only will you end up hating yourself for being so spineless but you'll end up resenting her for not allowing you to take this stand for yours & her future.
I'm sorry Sweetheart, this is going to hurt her & that's all there is to it. But believe me if you don't do this now, you'll both get a lot more hurt as time goes on. You cannot stay with someone because you feel guilty or sorry for them...you certainly can't stay with someone because you lack the courage to stand up for what you feel to be right.
Before you make any final decisions though...why don't you sit down & have a chat about how things have gotten between you...perhaps suggest a break of 2 weeks whereby you're not allowed to contact each other or see each other. That way you'll find out whether you're being a bit hasty...If she's worth anything she should be interested in your feelings & doubts that you're going through...I would have thought that she could notice something isn't quite right between you both, or is she so up her own that she doesn't even enquire as to whether you're happy or not. If she is incapable of seeing life from any other point but her own & how it affects only her...then she's not any good to herself at the moment let alone anyone else...If however she is interested in how you're feeling. Even if it meant she may lose you...then you have something on which you can build...even if it's just building a mutual understanding of each others wants & desires.
You cannot stay with someone just because you're afraid of hurting their feelings. albeit very sweet & noble it's not what you can build anything on...you cannot wait for a perfect time which to tell her it's good-bye...when do you think it would be right, when you've ended up getting married? When the children have come along? You're going to have to do this or pay for it later...
I don't envy you one bit...but if you're sure this is what you want, then rehearse your lines. set a date & stick to your guns...I'd take a break first though as you may just be a little confused as to how you should be feeling...Good-luck Sweetie & don't be a wimp. She wouldn't love you for that anyway. Whatever you do...don't use some under-handed way of somehow making it look as though she's done something wrong...for instance as suggested in the post above mine...that's not decent..it's sly & nasty...be honest & be truthful...you want to be able to look yourself in the eye in future...that's a wimps way out. you owe it to her & yourself to do this properly.
2006-12-27 12:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just have to tell her exactly that. It may hurt her feelings but if you tell her, maybe you can sort something out. Maybe you should try to spice things up romantically, or do stuff together that you don't usually do, it could make you realise that she is the right person for you. Maybe you should suggest taking a break and then see if you either feel anything for each other in a years time. I don't think people should settle down before they experience everything in life. Like I said she may be just the person for you but at the wrong time!
2006-12-27 11:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, why breaking up with her? Try to do things that you used to do together in the past that made you happy. The thing about relationships is that overtime the excitement and the butterflies in the stomach tend to fade away and caring starts to install itself. This is when you realize you really love someone because love sustains the test of time. Leave her for somebody else and you will eventually experience the same thing. The worst is that after excitement and lust you might realize there was nothing to start with, with that other person. Do not let a good thing go. If you are sexual, try to find innovative ways to spice up the bedroom. Good luck and much happiness.
2006-12-27 12:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by lovelyeyes 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is going to be hurt no matter what but if you're honest and up front about it and don't drag this out longer than necessary then that could help slightly but at the end of the day she IS gonna hurt and you need to be prepared for that.
Good luck.
xxx
2006-12-27 11:49:15 · answer #4 · answered by Fay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that your feelings have changed. There is no way to avoid hurting her, but there is a way to breakup with her.You need be honest with her and consider her feelings. And explain that the spark has gone out in your relationship and you feel that it is time than you both move on with your lives. Good Luck
2006-12-27 11:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by gurly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is going to be hurt no matter what or how you tell her. Be a good guy and end it now don't string her along. It will hurt now but she will eventually see that you did her a favor by not staying with her out of pity. don't beat yourself up for not returning the same feelings she has for you.
2006-12-27 11:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be okay to tell her exactly what you just told us. If you really don't feel that strongly about her or each other, it's a better idea to part friends rather than stay together and really start to get on each other's nerves and stuff. Just be upfront. If the truth does hurt her, she needs to grow up.
2006-12-27 11:25:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to end a two year relationship when the other person feels what you dont anymore. Get out now, those feeling wont come back and the sooner you do the better.
2006-12-27 11:23:14 · answer #8 · answered by FRESH_PEACH_98 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why has love been made so difficult these days?
All we people want is a simple lovin' but why does it always goes wrong?
If the spark is gone you'll just have to face up to the fact that the relationship is dead, just sit her down, and as long as you have valid reasons to your split up, she might be a bit more understanding to your reasonings.
You might even figure something out.
2006-12-27 11:22:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
before you fall out with this person yyou have got to make sure that you are doing the right thing . ask yourself this . will you miss her when she isnt there and do you really hate her this much as you are going to rip her heart out . as for trying to do it without hurting her mate . try the line about your head being all confused and you have mixed feelings about her .tell her you need time on your own and that its not her that is at fault its you . good luck mate . all the best for 07 mate
2006-12-27 12:00:51 · answer #10 · answered by bob a builder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋