This young woman I work with has a boyfriend who has not given her a Christmas present for the two years they have been dating. They now live together and he missed another one. She is very upset by this, but he says he doesn't believe in buying gifts. She is asking our advice on what to do. Is this worth breaking up a relationship over? I can't understand why he just can't get her a gift to keep the peace. Is this foreshadowing on their future? I think so, what about you.
2006-12-27 10:59:47 · 40 answers · asked by Pepper's Mommy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
These are all such thoughtful answers, thanks. ps: to the smart aleck who "wink, wink," thinks this question is for myself. Sorry, I've been happily married for 20 yrs. My husband gives me gift cards. I love them. This co worker of mine confided in the five girls who work with her. This is important to her. We are not telling her to do anything, just listen to her. I will let her read your answers.
2006-12-27 15:09:51 · update #1
I think you should leave her personal life to her and focus on your personal life.
Start there.
2006-12-27 11:02:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is showing both's personality. She needs someone that will make her fl special at least some of the time and he does not sm to be doing this. He does not seem to feel the need to help her get this feeling. i think the chance of them being happy over time is not that great. But if someone (one of his friends or kin) would explain to him how she feels and what she wants then he could learn to change. He just needs to be explaind to so that he understands how much better his benifits would be if he made her feel sexy and special. If he wishes for this to work he needs to get over his not believing and get on with knowing that making a woman feel special get you very far. I am sure there are books that mention this. I know that i have even read this in magazines on how certian gifts are more likely to get you different benifits. Judging from this he has also not been inlightened to the old saying (put in a nice way). Show me a happy couple where he does not give favors and i will show you a happy couple that can be broke up. Someone needs to explain to him, how to get these feeling of hers changed into positive responses.
2006-12-27 11:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she told him how upsetting it is to her and what is his reasoning behind not buying gifts? If he doesn't buy them, does he accept gifts? If she's let him know how upsetting this is to her, and he doesn't try to do something to fix it, then she might want to rethink the relationship as a whole. I would also consider why he doesn't buy gifts. I've met people who think that Christmas has become too comercialized. If that's the case, then there are other things they can do for each other. Some friends of mine buy things for their home as Christmas presents. One year, my fiance and I were remodeling and he bought me paint and flooring for Christmas. You can also do "personal" coupons for each other such as "I promise to cook you dinner on the night of your choice" or "I promise you a backrub". Some things like that cost nothing, but can mean everything. I would tell her to consider his reasoning behind it and if his reasons are selfish then she should probably reconsider the relationship.
2006-12-27 11:09:16 · answer #3 · answered by Angela B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to respect her needs. If he doesn't believe in buying gifts, then he needs to find some other way of giving her a gift. The gift of time, let her pick out anything she wants to do and then do it, the gift of a full body massage, make her something. I'm sure if he's compassionate to her feelings, he'll listen to various suggestions and at least come to some sort of compromise. If he won't do that, then either insist on couple's coaching to work out the differences, or she needs to find someone that will be happy to help fill her needs.
2006-12-27 11:05:34 · answer #4 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be one thing if he were just so self absorbed that he just forgets to do it. But he has stated that he doesn't believe in it.
I have never known a woman that feels this is okay. Gift giving reflects how thoughtful you are about the person you love. Of course it is quite possible to love deeply but just be thoughtless.....I am living proof of that I hate to say. But I don't forget Christmas.
It is highly unlikely this will change if they marry. In fact it may get even worse. Ask her this. If they were to have children what would he feel about Christmas for them? If the....don't believe in gift giving.....still comes out she had better run....NOT WALK....away from this guy. If this were true there is only one person he loves....himself.
2006-12-27 11:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hold up, does he not believe in buying gifts for any occasion? Is he a Jehovah witness or something? does he have a problem accepting gifts from her even though he doesn't believe in gift giving? Now if he's a Jehovah's witness then she needs to get over it cause his religion forbids it, now if he doesn't believe in exchanging gifts then i'm sure she's known that already and needs to accept it unless she wants to be in a relationship to receive gifts on those special holidays and move on to another relationship... now if he has no problem accepting then he's a phony piece of shyt and she needs to move on. However u can receive gifts throughout the year and it doesn't have to be on a holiday to get it.
2006-12-27 11:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he buy her a gift for her annavarsary? how about her birthday? If he can buy her gifts for thos ocations then y can't he buy her something for christmas. It is one day out of the year. it isn't going to hurt anything. Spend some money. don't be cheap. it is always better to give than recieve. If those things are important then i would think that it would be worth breaking up over.
2006-12-27 11:10:55 · answer #7 · answered by matthiggins86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs to explore this topic a little further. If he is ungiving in general - withholding affection/attention/acts of service - then the failure to give Christmas presents is just a symptom of something that will destroy their relationship. If he is truly and honestly a giving and loving person in every other area, then this is just one of those lil oddities of personality, of which we ALL have some. My top guess is that this is NOT a little personal glitch but a character problem that governs other aspects of the relationship - EVERYONE knows that the proper thing to do is buy Christmas present/s for your significant other. That is just a normal, expected thing, and anyone who will not do something NORMAL like that needs closer scrutiny.
2006-12-27 11:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by Cris O 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems like their priorities are different. She believes in gift-giving and for some reason he doesn't. I think she has a right to be upset. He doesn't appear to value her feelings. If she's hurt by his habit, and her hurt can be made better by his buying a gift, then I think he's being unnecessarily neglectful. If he doesn't value her thoughts on this, then certainly they could have trouble in the future if their beliefs on other things are far apart.
2006-12-27 11:04:16 · answer #9 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sisters been with a guy for 6 years and he never gets her anything for any hoilday, birthday or anniversary.. i know it bothers me because if i was him i would have already jumped on getting her a ring so i didn't lose her.. at least it would show some kinda of seriousness from his side.. but nope! i always thought that it would be a very shi**y not to get a gift from my b/f, but this year i didn't get anything, but we were both broke and all i got him was a subscription for sports illustrated, so i wasnt hurt and i got to be with him.. i would say my opinion is No i wouldn't break up over that, unless it's making her feel crappie.. just dont' get him anything either, make it equal! okay thats all.. sorry this was so long.. best wishes! hope you all have a very happy new year!
2006-12-27 11:07:20 · answer #10 · answered by ~broken~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention in your question, the ages of the people, but I do think it is safe to say that at any age, if a person is not interested in something/someone, it will show by their actions. should she look at this a sign of how he will be in the future? You bet she should, if he don't consider the small things in life she wants, what is going to happen when the big decision comes along? Good Luck
2006-12-27 11:06:28 · answer #11 · answered by Ann J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋