Toddler Trama....How do i deal with the emotional stress on my toddler of having a newborn?

Question

We just had our son last week and my 2 yr old is throwing tantrums and i don't want her to feel im pushing her away,but i feel that not giving into her is the best way and let her fight it out by herself in the floor.She did this before he came,but it has gotten worse now.i don't want to spank her right now because i know it is a jealousy issue and i don't want her to think im prefering him over her and spanking her over her tantrum would only make it worse at this point.I've tryed talking to her to explain things are alittle different,but she is still my princess.She is only 2 so it is hard for her to understand this.I try giving her one on one time when he is asleep and playing with her to let her know im still here for her.Any advise from a mother that has gone through this who can share their experiance would be greatly appreciated.
I do spank my child when she is bad and let her know why i spanked her so please if you don't believe in spanking don't comment.

I do give her lots of attention when she is being good and tell her that "I don't hold winey babies"when she is being bad like that.I am not able to pick her up right now and she DEMANDS it even on the toilet.I tell her i can and hug her and hold her as close as i can and tell her this is the same,but i think it is because she sees me holding him.She wants to be the baby again.She stole his pacifiers and blanket...it's frustrating.

Answer 1

Had this problem!!! I have 4 kids so with #2 thru 4 I had them do small tasks for the baby (IE) getting diapers or letting them sit in my lap with baby in their lap and help feed this helped me a lot and no more jealousy issues. Good luck!

Answer 2

If you can put the baby in a sling or bjorn, and take your daughter out for nature walks, or to a children's play space or park, it will probably help the transition. Try to get everybody on a schedule where your daughter can look forward to fun activities with you and then she'll come home and nap, and you'll have time with baby.. that's what worked for me. The good thing about having a newborn is that they're portable so you can still focus on your time with your daughter, and then baby is learning by just watching and observing older sis. Try to get the kids up and out of the house by 10 or 11 in the morning, do something interesting, then come home for a nap. It sounds like older sister has too much energy so help her to focus it.

Also, by having a schedule you can more easily pinpoint the reasons for a tantrum; is she hungry, tired, bored? If you've checked all the boxes and she really is just "having a moment" as we like to call it, put her in her room with the door open and let her know that you will be happy to play or talk with her when she feels better, but that you will not respond to her when she behaves that way. My son would cry and fuss for a minute or two, but with the audience gone he realized that there was no point, and that it was really more fun to do stuff with Mommy. So he'd come out of his room and say "I feel better now" and I'd say "great" and we'd go back to doing our thing. He's four now and an excellent big brother who rarely has "moments".

I wish you the best, hang in there and don't forget to pray. God will always be with you even when things seem crazy.

Answer 3

Did you do any preparation prior to having the second child so she knew he was coming and what to expect? That is usually the best thing to do. Now your son is only a week old and her tantrums might fade as he is older because she is probably seeing all the new gifts he is getting, mommy being tired from having a baby, mommy and daddy being in the hospital together with the baby and not her, all of the visitors coming to see the new baby, etc. Once that all slows down it should be easier. You need to come up with things that you can do with the baby and her. Find things that she can do that help you out with the baby. Reward good behavoir so she will want to do more good for the rewards. Bad behavoir to a certain point though should not be ignored, make a certain spot in the house a time out spot and make her sit there if she gets out of hand.

Answer 4

Oh, I feel your pain, mine are 2 years apart. Expect the first 6 months to be a blur...lol. Here are some tips. Include her, yes it is more time consuming, but you win in the end, right now the newborn needs you very much, but so does she, as she is entering the "terrible 2's" (which are not that terrible, I did find the 3's a little more difficult).

When you go to feed him, let her hold the bottle, when it's time to change him let her help, maybe go get the diapers and wipes, or even taping the diaper to the sides.

when burping him, let her pat him a little, bathing, I used to put my son in the baby bath thingy, and I would let her wipe his legs, arms, really it was all about getting her hands wet, and just being included. You'll soon see that 1. she will get bord with it quickly, 2 she won't feel as though the queen bee status is gone, and finally, very very soon, you will see that she won't remember life with out him. I

I once read that the best gift you can give to a child is a sibiling. Mine, now 5 and 7, I can't imagine life with out either one of them, and them the same. but oh, wait til they both get a little older, and they're best friends, and worst enemies...lol, e mail me back for tips on that one...I hope this helps you, I love the 2 year age difference now, they can do so much together.. Good luck! and Congradulations!

Answer 5

The hardest part is that at 2, whether they have a new baby or not, they are extremely challenging with tempers and unreasonable behaviors, so just know that with time it will pass. I also had the same issue as mine were only 18 months apart. Do as you are already doing and spend quality time with her and let her know what a big girl helper she is. Sometimes I would tell my oldest at 2 to 3 how hard it is to take care of a baby, and how much I liked having such a big kid. Also, have her help with changing clothes and holding a bottle of finding a pacifier, etc. And, just know that this is a hard time, let other things (housecleaning, home projects, etc.) just sit for awhile, or hire them done. Things will get better soon. Good Luck

Answer 6

i'm a mommy of four..my toddlers a protracted time are 8,3 a million/2,a million a million/2 and a million month. i could say that's an excellent form of paintings yet it somewhat is completed and that i dont think of that's hell in any respect. All of my teenagers have tremendous bonds being close in age and that they adore there new toddler sister. U could show all of them equivalent love and interest and u would discover that your oldest could be slightly jealous at first yet it somewhat is going to bypass as long as u nevertheless show your like to her. Congrats on the hot toddler to be, It wont be as no longer uncomplicated as some could say or as u could see with different mothers and fathers juggling toddlers with newborns. My husband additionally works lots, he works from 10pm-7am and while he gets domicile he is going directly to sleep for his lots needed relax, then he wakes around 1pm relaxes some, heps me out then has to bypass decrease back to mattress at 6pm for paintings. so needless to say i'm the main suitable one that seems after the toddlers for the duration of the day and evening however that's attainable and it gets much less puzzling by using fact the days bypass, particularly while toddler starts to sleep for the duration of the evening. each toddler and ever delivery is the comparable so u would or won't finally end up having a toddler with colic lower back yet possibilities are high that u prob wont which will make it that lots much less puzzling...the two way im specific u will do nice..good luck!

Answer 7

Please no physical punishment (not necessary at all). Involve her in the care of the new sibling. Would you please hold the diaper for me?. etc... When alone let her know that she was that tiny long ago but that you prefer big kids like her(no more diapers, no throwing up etc..) and that you are looking forward for the baby to grow so that all three of you can play in the park. Involve her on everything you do around the house and let her express her emotions without being judgmental. As a precaution never leave both alone. She is a child and will behave like a jealous child biting him or something like that. Perseverance and patience is what you need. Reward the good behavior and overlooked the one you want to disappear. As long as someone is not in severe danger it is no big deal because it will fade away on its own.

Answer 8

I was in somewhat of a similar situation..

The key is let Her Help. Seriously it does work. Make it so you wouldnt be able to make it without her.

Have her maybe do the job of bringing you the diapers or handing you the wipes. Maybe even having her get you a bottle to put the formula in.

Dont force her to but start out by asking her to help you. She will feel much more apart of things. It will also make her feel special and very needed.. you just have to keep it up and have some patience.

My daughter is now 5 and my kids are so very close. My son (the oldest) still sorta keeps an eye on her and she really looks up to him. I really thing that really helped their brother sister relationship.

I hope that helps.. I asked the same question and was told the same thing.. I hope it works as well for you as it has for me.

Answer 9

All you can do is the best you can. My daughter was born 3 months preemie when my son was 4 ( a little older) so the focus of attention went very much off him, quite unintentionally. All I could do, as a working mom as well, was try to make the best of the time we had to spend together. Little children are jealous beasties and nothing can change that. On the upside, they are now 12 and 8 and for siblings, are pretty good friends and kids. You sound like a caring mom, who is on top of the situation. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 10

wow, I just had some flashbacks!!!! lol
you really need to include her as much as possible with the new baby. let her hold the bottle, get you a pamper, things like that. show her she is the big sister and you are going to need her help. it is going to be pretty hard in the begining, but things will get easier. when she does have her little tantrums, just let her go. when she's done, ask her if she's ready to be a big girl now, give her a hug and reassure her how much you love her.
best of luck to you, hope things get better soon!