I've been dating someone for 3 mnths, & I finally brought him over to dinner. He has tattoos, smokes, doesn't have a great job & has some other skeletons. My parents were kind of open to meeting, but apparently they asked him some things about his past that didn't quite sound real, so they basically told me he was BS-ing me, and I should start distancing myself.
On one hand, they really know people, plus they're my parents, & I know they want the best for me and raised me in a wonderful household.
If he's lying to my family on their first meeting, & yes, I think he might have exaggerated some things...then that's not cool. But I think he was nervous & stressed and trying to impress...I can kind of forgive that, although that's what my 'rents are really annoyed with. I've never felt so happy with someone before. He's made me feel so open & like just living is all that matters, nothing else. I'm so torn, I can't figure out how to do what. I love my family, but this is so hard!
2006-12-27 10:49:38 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Believe it or not, parents WANT you to be happy. If they see something that you don't, you need to be careful. You are trying to paint him in the best possible light to us, but he still sounds like a loser. Certainly you can do better than a liar.
My oldest daughter brought home an engineering major from a great family that we could tell right away was going to be unfaithful and emotionally abusive. She dated him anyway for 2 years before she'd had enough. This Christmas she brought home a legal immigrant (from Russia) who is working hard to make a life in the US. He was respectful to her and to us. We opened our home to him. Even though his "prospects" are less--he is a caring and intelligent young man who treats our daughter right.
Listen to your parents. They love you and want you to love and be loved, first and foremost. That is their only motive. :D Good luck, dear.
2006-12-27 10:52:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was a teen I thought "love" would conquer it all. As I grew up I realized that my parents were much smarter than I thought. I have been nervous before meeting a new boyfriends parents but, I have never lied to or over exaggerated anything. I don't really think it's his tattoos or not so great job that worries them. It may be those other skeletons that worry them. Why not take a step back and look at him in a mature way and see if you can spot what your parents do. Maybe this will turn out to be a great relationship but you should first look at it honestly and openly.
2006-12-27 18:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone has tattoos and doesn't have the best job doesn't mean he or she is a bad person. For me the smoking thing would be a deal breaker but I'm not about to push that standard on you. It sounds like he's a nice guy that just wanted to impress but maybe doesn't have the best esteem due to his history. Just sit down with him, tell him how great you think he is and why. Then say you're concerned he wasn't completely genuine with your parents and give direct examples of things he said that you suspect aren't true or are exaggerated. Tell him you like him for who he is and you want him to be honest with your parents. If there are things he isn't comfortable disclosing to them now, he does have certain rights to his own privacy: He's not being interrogated (well, let's hope not anyway) so he can avoid the question or omit as needed but he should be honest and upfront with you. :) Good luck with your burgeoning relationship.
2006-12-27 19:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by SDTerp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I know it's gonna hurt but get over it. Trust your parents' judgement on individuals since they are much more experienced than us plus they are more objective on him. All they want to do is to help you sort things out, protecting you from being hurt. It could be hard to break up with this guy but you will feel so much better after a while and find someone nicer. But if you two have been together for too long the situation might just get worse. Think about it, the nature of a guy never changes.
2006-12-27 18:56:53 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie J 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From your description he doesn't sound like a winner. You might think about thinking about this for some time. You are right to trust your parents intentions and it is wonderful that you haven't rejected their point of view out of hand. Have you searched for everything you can on the history of your guy to see if you can determine the truth of what he's been saying? Keep looking for deal-breakers.
2006-12-27 18:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your parents. They are trying to stop you from making a big mistake, one that could make you miserable for a lot of your life. Think of it this way, what do they have to gain by steering you wrong?
I wish I could go back and listen to the advice my family gave me when it came to men I was "in love" with. In hindsight I now see that the ones who really care the most for me are my family and that when I'm involved with someone during the "honeymoon" phase I don't really think with logic and common sense. I messed up with the wrong types of men several times and spent years miserable because of it. Looking back I ask myself "what was I thinking?" and "what did I ever see in him?". I guess I just didn't want to be lonely anymore, but it wasn't worth it.
He has a bad resume. Not the kind of guy I'd want for my daughter either. Really, think this over and try to see it from another point of view than your own.
2006-12-27 18:57:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl u should take things slowly, wait a couple of more months or better u should jus c f ur goin to catch em lyin bout something bigger and more important. N f he seems alryt and he lied or exaggerated only outta the nervousness of meetin ur parents then, ur parents will be more open to understandin who he is from the inside and how he makes their daughter happy. Try helpin him to quit smokin for his health, and try to help him to be more confident in talkin to ur parents (also talk to ur parents), and help him find a better job. The tattoos will only change his outside. hope that helps
2006-12-27 18:57:11 · answer #7 · answered by ♦Bl!nd PoeT♦ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
like you said, you parents just want what is best for you. they know when something is wrong. you should listen to your parents. If your BF smokes, has tattoos, and doesnt have a good job then he is probably not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. get a grip. if he is like that now then he isnt going to change
2006-12-27 19:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by lucky charms ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok tattoos and smokes? Thats not a great impression, but im not going to judge someone I dont even know.Parents know best, but sometimes you need to figure out for yourself whats GOOD FOR YOU.Your parents may have good points and maybe you should listen, but if its TRUE LOVE and you feel it.AND YOU JUST KNOW THAT YOU GUYS CAN HAVE SOMETHING GOOD! I say go for it.If you're 18 and over, your parents really have no say in who they want you to date.If they love you(WHICH THEY DO) they will accept it. They dont have to accept him(They may never like him or start to like him when they see he's doing good for you), BUT THEY HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU. Love see's beyond smoking and tattoos. Maybe he was trying to impress.Remember you know him more then your parents....you know who he really is, not them.Talk to him about it.Talk to your parents.Tell them you love them and they come first in your life, but you really like this guy.You think he's a good guy because you know the real him.NOW IF HE DOES have bad habits like cheating or flirting alittle too much, LET HIM GO! Mom & Dad may just be right.So its all up to...its nothing any yahoo user can tell u because YOU KNOW THE REAL HIM, NOT US.Good Luck to you and yours Sweety.Have A Happy New Year :)
2006-12-27 18:56:18 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ Loving My Babyboy ;) ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well, depending on your age, you have to make your own decisions. if this person makes you happy and full of life, your parents should be happy for you. I understand how you would feel as far as the "exaggerating" goes. but maybe he was real nervous and wanted to impress them, sounds like he already feels he doesn't meet up to there standards. and I understand that you respect your parents and want them to accept who you are with. sorry, but that's not always the case. best luck to you and follow your heart!
2006-12-27 18:56:54 · answer #10 · answered by mom*2 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋