I met this guy about a month ago. We have great conversations, we can talk for hours. We get along so great and we have tons in common. I really like hanging out with him and I know he feels the same. The problem is that physically I am not attracted to him and so far I cant move past that. Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do about it?
2006-12-27 10:27:48 · 21 answers · asked by SassySister 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This really has nothing to do with being shallow or not. You cant help you find attractive and who you dont. I dont know anyone who has no preference when it comes to someone they like whether it be physical or mental or other.
2006-12-27 10:35:50 · update #1
The questions isnt whether you can be with him if your not physically attracted to him, the question is whether you have deeper feelings for him. You can like spending time with someone, and you can enjoy the conversations you have but it doesnt mean you want to form a relationship with them. You might just be good friends. Now if you do have other feelings for him, then you are bound to find some physical attraction. Otherwise you might have your feelings confused. Yes you can be with someone you are not physically attracted to, but I dont think you can love someone you are not physically attracted to. When you love someone, you have total acceptance of who they are, inside and out. And you love everything about them.
2006-12-27 10:41:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had a relationship like that, he was an awesome guy to talk to and had everything going for him but I was not attracted to him. I tried to go pass the fact I wasn't and still dated him and became boyfriend and girlfriend, we weretogether for 1 1/2 but I notice when we went out I would look at other guys and say in my head he's cute. Then, I stop and ask myself I am into this person and much as he is into me. I also asked my self am I happy? I wasn't, this guy is so nice and would do anything for me but I don't feel the same in return. So, I had to tell him because I didn;t want to cheat in him or hurt him in any way. A hard as I tried to fall in love with him, I just couldn't and I didn;t want to live a life like that. I want to be with someone I am totally into. But now I know I gave it my best and I did try. So maybe you should try to find out for yourself, so you will never look back and say I should of. But when you find out that you can not see the attraction then you will lose him as a friend and you may even end up hurting him. Think about it. Now I am with someone I am totally into and love. Best of luck, fallow your heart, don;t cheat it.
2006-12-27 18:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, actually I am going through that dilemna as we speak...I believe attraction is very important because it's what makes you make a move or whatever, but I believe you are past that stage because you like hanging out with him and spending time and have already taken the time to get to know him. I believe you should set looks aside maybe this once and try to discover what it is you like about him. Good luck!
2006-12-27 18:34:01 · answer #3 · answered by shygal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself more time with this guy. It seems to be a great relationship. Enjoy what you two have at this moment. Don't worry about getting closer right now. Time will bring about a change. Remember you want to be with someone that really cares about you. And you want to really care about the other person. It's not the eyes but the HEART.
2006-12-27 18:46:09 · answer #4 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don';t think you are shallow. I've been in a situation like this before. You can be with some you don't really find attractive or have that spark, but I don't think you will ever be truly happy.
Maybe you two would be better staying good friends.
2006-12-27 18:45:27 · answer #5 · answered by DEENIE 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can force yourself to be physically attracted to someone. Maybe you and this guy are simply not meant to be more than wonderful friends. That's not a bad thing, unless it's hurting one of you.
I don't think you're shallow - I think you're struggling with your own concept of what a relationship "should" be. Give it time, enjoy it for what it is. It may progress naturally. Don't stress about it honey - not gonna make it happen any faster :-)
Good luck.
2006-12-27 18:34:40 · answer #6 · answered by belmyst 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not shallow, as far as I know you can't make yourself be attracted to someone you arent. Do you want to settle for a passionless "romantic" realtionship? If so, why?
However it sounds like you have a true best friend there and that is a treasure in itself.
2006-12-27 18:33:48 · answer #7 · answered by ladyshadowwalker60 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is simple. YES you CAN! Your question is more along the lines of common sense. If you truly like (or love) this person, you'd want to be with them with or without their attractiveness. Your relationship with your boyfriend you have described seems like something a person could only dream of coming across in their lifetime. Don't throw away such a relationship you have because of appearance, because if you do, you might never get it back.
2006-12-27 19:08:01 · answer #8 · answered by Hunter 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I've been in a situation similar. I explained to the guy that I would rather be friends, because we connect on that level. Not in a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing. I know this guy may seem cool and all, you just have to decide if you can look past his looks.
2006-12-27 18:32:30 · answer #9 · answered by CUTIE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A very small % can make it work but most will never truly feel fulfilled in love and their life and will seek that missing element of lust which they've missed out on later in life. I say go for it, real love should not be seen, it's what's felt inside. Deal with life when life deals it down the road. Just be honest up-front about your feelings.
2006-12-27 18:42:24 · answer #10 · answered by Diana C 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋