First, I want some advice and I don't want to be criticized for my life. I know what people think.
I have been involved with a man who is separated for over a year and we have been living together for 2 months. His wife doesn't know I am here and he goes to their house and spends the night.
I was contacted about a job that will take me over 1000 miles from him. He is with his wife, daughter and family so we can't talk about it if I get offered the job.
We did talk before he left and I tried to find out what is going on with everything. He was upset and irritated because he said he doesn't know what is going to happen with us. He told me to follow my heart and listen to my head too. Then he told me that we would celebrate Christmas when he gets back. And he left a message saying he would see me in a week (after he left).
I think he assumes that I will still be here when he gets back. How can I leave without saying goodbye? And how can I give up on love?
2006-12-27 10:13:03 · 9 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OK,
#1 He is with you but also going and spending the night at his wife/about to be ex wifes house. They are probably having sex. Are you comfortable with your BF having sex with another woman when they are supposed to be separated? Are you comfortable with him having sex with another woman at all?
#2 You prolly know this but he isn't even divorced yet, is it really right to be with him if he isn't divorced?
#3 Obviously he still has some type of feelings for his wife. He goes and stays the night over there. I think he is just using this as a way to have 2 women at once. You said the wife doesn't know about you? That's a sure sign. He is telling you they are separated so you dint get all upset about him "cheating", and is prolly using the kids as an excuse for being over there all the time. Meanwhile she knows nothing for you.
I say just up and bounce. Pack up your things, take that job, and live a happy life. Find a man that is single that will devote his time to you and not you and some estranged wife. And please, don't date married men!!!! One day you might end up being the "wife" in a messed up arrangement like this. I don't think you would like that very much.
2006-12-27 10:36:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all if he's separated why is he spending the night at his families house, when he's been living with you, and is separated from his wife?? that seems a little strange to me. If I were separated from my husband, I definately wouldn't be spending the night, even if i had children...I would have my children come over to stay with me. If I were you, I would drop all contact with this man, because something doesn't sound right. It seems he has his cake, and is eating it too. I know it'll be hard to do, but you deserve better. It doesn't sound like he's "Separated" to me....You should take that job, start yourself a new life, and find someone who will treat you with more respect than the man you are seeing.
2006-12-27 18:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by tweetybird37406 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"His wife doesn't know I am here and he goes to their house and spends the night" If you've been living together don't bet on the fact that his wife doesn't know...she probably does. That is probably WHY he told you he didn't know what was going to happen with the two of you. The wife has probably given him an ultimatum and he has to figure out just what it is he wants. A seperation is not a divorce, and ANYTIME during the seperation a couple can (and many do) get back together. I suggest you take the job and start your "love life" over with someone new, because it sounds to me like he will be staying with the wife and kids.
2006-12-27 18:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not be there when he gets back. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Don't let him play you like that. He is not going to leave his wife even if they are seporated. Take the job and find you a man that will be there for you with no other attachments or commitments. It is better that you leave now instead of being hurt more in the end. Hope this helps. Good luck.
2006-12-27 18:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by LadyofLuxury 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused...If he's separated, why does he go back to their house. Look, I won't judge....But I will say that I think most mistresses in this sitch are actually being played. They think their BFs don't love their wives, the GFs are giving them what the really need and "he'll leave her as soon as the kids are grown."
It almost never happens that way. How do you know he's not still having sex with her, having his cake and eating it too?
2006-12-27 18:17:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's the big deal in trying to find a good man with no strings attached? And what's the deal with you that you allow yourself to be treated as a second choice? If he hasn't cared enough to spend Christmas with you why should you worry about saying good-bye?
Listen, you have exactly the value you give yourself credit for, so there, that's your answer-
2006-12-27 18:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by AMBER D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have the means to (financialy, physically, etc.) get the hell out and don't look back. You get the last word and it'll torment him for the rest of his life.
2006-12-27 18:18:55 · answer #7 · answered by Diana C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can have the best job in the world and the best pay check, but if you dont have someone to share it with, its not worth it.
2006-12-27 18:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by nubiapoet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just bounce on him!!!! you gotta owrry about number 1 which is you!!!
2006-12-27 18:16:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋