Whats a good argument for not getting married?

Question

I love my boyfriend and he loves me, and we want to be together forever. But we dont want to get married. We dont believe that getting married will make our love stronger or prove our love to one another, we think this is silly. I think that if we stay together despite not being married, instead of staying together just because we are married is much more romantic and better proof of our love. But my mom disagrees. Her main argument for us to have to get married is that we will save on taxes and money. I really dont want to get married just because its a little cheaper to be married. What would be a good argument to not get married?because I really dont want to get married. And what is a good argument to get married, so that I know what she might attack me with next?

Thanks Da Balistic! I need more answers like that. I see your side of the story, but it doesnt change my mind. My boyfriend and I already live like husband and wife. We share everything, and share moneys. His family already feels like mine, although my family doesnt seem like they want him to be a part of it. I dont live very traditionally, I never have. It just doesnt seem like marriage will change anything for me. I just dont want to be drawn into marriage for material reasons like saving money. I cant see the future. If I want to get divorced in the future, wouldnt paying for lawyers and all that crap defeat the purpose of saving money when married?

Thanks everyone else. You are all very helpful!!!!!

I really cant decide which to make as the best answer, I got so many good ones! Thank you all! I'm going to let the yahoo community decide for me!!!

Answer 1

You don't need to make excuses, all that matters is you don't want to get married.

Answer 2

Well, to answer your second question, I think a good reason to get married, your mother might say, is because it means, you're, well, married. I know that seems stupid but if you want to be together forever then at some point one of you is going to get sick. And what if one of you ends up in the hospital? As his girlfriend, you have no legal right to stay with him and take care of him. As his wife you do. It's true, you save money on taxes, but what if you two want to buy a house. Or even an apartment. [If you're going to be together for that long it's going to come up.] It's much easier to get a house and things like that when you are legally bound to someone. The same goes for children, if you have a child he has no legal right to care for it if something happens to you. Do you want that? The other thing, if you are only not getting married to prove to others you love each other, that is the wrong reason to do it. I mean, you know you love each other, who cares if I don't?

Your side: Getting married takes away your idividual rights. You don't always save on taxes, or money. If you two are happy living where you are, or have even worked out a system of being together there is no problem. Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They've been a couple for many, many years and they don't need to get married. They know they love each other, and the pressure of marriage can end up hurting the relationship. Marriage isn't always for everyone. Ask your mother if getting married, and then divorced, is better than just staying content and dating for now?

Answer 3

Marriage isn't always about love...Let me put it this way...If you and your boyfriend purchase a house together being unmarried and "heaven forbid" one day he just decides to leave taking with him all of the funds from your banking accounts, YOU will be stuck with ALL of the bills on top of a mortgage with no money to pay them with. Of course this scenario can be reveresed with YOU taking off leaving him with the house, the bills and no funds as well. In a marriage should a couple split up they can get a divorce where at least 50% of ALL maritial assets go to both partners. That doesn't happen when you just live together. Also there is the isnurance factors. Some life insurance companies don't recognize "live ins". In otherwords if you boyfriend had a life insurance policy for $35,000.00 and died you wouldn't see a penny of it because you're not married...all of that money would go to his "next of kin" a "blood relative". Health insurance. Not all health insurance companies cover "live ins" so if you don't have your own health insurance and paying for it and wind up needing to be hospitalized for any reason you're going to be stuck with a bill of thousands of dollars and he won't have to pay a penny of it, if he doesn't choose to. Can you handle bills of upwards of $50,000.00? It's not just a LITTLE cheaper to be married in the long run...it's A HELL OF A LOT more PRUDENT. But if you're independently wealthy and your last name is Trump, or Gates, or Kennedy, or Rockefeller, Or Hilton or Getty maybe you don't need to worry about finances...

Answer 4

Well first let me tell you I was in this situation last year after I had my second child... I chose to get married but that was because I wanted my daughters father to be able to adopt my son from a previous relationship... but your argument for her could be as simple as ours was to our families... Marriage is only a piece of paper and a ring... if you aren't a religious person than there is no reason to get married unless there is some legal things that you need done as my situation was... yes you get tax breaks and insurance breaks but if you aren't worried about it than there is no reason to do something you don't want. She already used the good ammo against you so unless she is really religious she has nothing left to throw at you.... good luck and I hope it all works out!!!!

Answer 5

I don't know a good reason not to get married. After being married for 17 years, I can't think of anything more romantic than a life-long public commitment to each other with the added tax benefit and improved credit score.

Do you not want to be married, or just not want a wedding? You also may want to investigate your anti-marital bias from a rebellious standpoint. Perhaps you are shunning marriage only because your mom is pressuring you?

If you love your boyfriend and plan to be together forever, there's no reason you can't run down to the courthouse and make it legal.

Answer 6

I know this is not easy, but try to stand your ground and don't let your mother ruin your relationship. I know some people here have made great arguments as to why you should get married, and I, too, am all about marriage. However, it ultimately comes down to what makes you and your man happy, and it is YOUR decision. Eventually, your mom will come around b/c her love for you is stronger than this situation, I hope.

Who knows? Maybe you and your man might decide to get married someday, but for the time being, just let the relationship flow naturally.

Answer 7

The cost of a divorce attorney. There are more advantages to being married than just saving on taxes tho. You have no claim unless it is in writing to anything when the other dies and if a blood relative contests it, they could win. You can't be on your spouse's health ins. through their work. You cannot collect your spouse's Social Security unless you are married at least 7-10 yrs. (I forget). In the same respect, Marriage is just a piece of paper. If you give each other power of attorney you may have the same rights as married for most things. Consult atty. about this.

Answer 8

What you save on taxes you will spend in divorce court and on lawyers. believe me, my friend is in this position right now and it is going to bankrupt him for sure. You and your partner know what you want, Our parents want the best for us, and cheaper tax returns maybe part of it, but I think your mother's real motivation is that she wants her daughter to be a "respectable lawful wife" rather then a "live-in girlfriend". You will not change her mind, so this is what you do. You lie. it's a white lie but for now it will do. You tell her that for now you are not putting a legal marriage out of the equation, but the situation you and your partner are in at the moment is ideal for you both and if she loves you she should stay out of it and that is that. Tell her that life has no grantees and you just want to protect yourself and save yourself from divorce court should this relationship does not work out, tell her you may have your doubts regarding this very serious commitment (without putting down your boyfriend, just in general terms) and tell her that when and if you set the date she can plan and PAY for the whole thing, and you would want a Donald Trump style wedding,
So there.
Good luck

Answer 9

The best reason to not get married is exactly what you said. Its your life and while your mom does have a point, it is your life. Do what makes you both the happiest. I'm sure someone will pull out the sin card too but, do what feels right to you. You'll regret living your life to make others happy. It will be you and your boyfriend that live with the repercussions. Good luck!

Answer 10

first off, If I was you I would look at your mom and say "Mom, I understand how you feel and I have explained how we feel. We do not wish to marry and regardless of what you say, Its likely that we wont.So, regardless,I love you and you love me and We all must make our own choices in life based on what we want.Not what someone else wants from us.
Marriage worked for you mom and that's great.For us We love each other and that's the only level we want to carry it too.
Also let her know that the marriage part is the same thing that you have except a piece of paper an expensive party and a box of pictures to go with it all.Oh, And the law of it all hanging over Our heads to make it feel like prison!

Answer 11

I have this same problem with my family especially now that my sister has been married and had twins they want me to get married and have kids.

Tell them it's your life and your happiness is what they should be most concerned in life and stop judging you by your decisions even though they dont aggree with it. Tell them you're happy the way you are and don't need to change it.

Other than that there is nothing much you can do except to repeat this to them. Theyre never going to change. Some people are just old fashioned like that.