My present girlfriend has a nine year old boy. He's a great kid, however sometimes he behaves like a spoiled brat and treats his mother with absolute disrespect. I've been keeping my mouth shut...should I say something to the child or is that out of line?
2006-12-27 09:48:36 · 28 answers · asked by radarjet67 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
id say that if you already have a good relationship with him try talking to him calmly about how he should treat his mother like not so that he feels like ur going at him but that he feels like ur more like a big brother to him so keep things light he probably looks up to u so use that as an advantage
im 15 now my step dad kinda did the same thing to me i know its lacking the whole man to man thing but it worked and made me think
2006-12-30 08:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by bitter sweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're screwed either way, but DO NOT discipline the kid if all your lady is at the moment a "present girlfriend". Talk to him privately, and be straight about the situation. There may be some issues that are bugging him that he can't talk to his mom about. Heck, you may be one of them. Show him that you respect him while you have the conversation. Worth a try.
2006-12-27 10:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of this has to do not only with your relationship with the mother, but her son's relationship with her and his relationship with his biological father. You don't want to step on toes, but there is nothing wrong with requesting that the child speak appropriately to his mother in your presence. You can say something like, "I don't like to hear you speak to your mom like that. It's disrespectful. I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to her like that." First talk to the mother however, and make sure that she wants the verbal backup from you. Some people feel like you are butting in when you are intending to help. Also talk to her about the kind of role she'd like you to play in her son's life and about the role that his father plays. If he has no contact with the father at all, that is a different story, and the mother may really need a "man" influence in her son's life. You can help a lot by modeling appropriate behavior in front of her son- pull out all the stops in remembering your manners. Talk with respect to her, pull out her chair, open doors, complement her outfit, and tell her how important she is to you. These have the added benefit of getting you on her good side, so it is a win-win situation! : ) Children learn what they live, so make it good!
2006-12-27 11:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....What does his mother say? Have you asked her about disciplining her child or have you avoided the subject? You don't want to just start disciplining him without her consent. If you do, she will probably get upset. Ask her how she feels and what she would like to do about it!
2006-12-27 14:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to her about disciplining her child. It would send a bad message to her son if she corrected your discipline in front of him. If you are going to address his disrespect make sure that you are setting an example he can follow. I would never recommend physically disciplining (spanking)someone elses child. Just make sure that you and mom communicate about it first. How you handle this situation will affect your relationship.
2006-12-27 09:55:36 · answer #5 · answered by mommyoftwo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with the mom and ask what she is comfortable with. explain that now that you are in her and the child's life, you need to know what the boundaries are for your relationship with her son. Be very clear about what you expect verses what you are expecting. And just go from there. Always make sure that you and the mom are on the same page. Let her know about behaviors that are not acceptable to you. Good luck!!
2006-12-27 09:54:06 · answer #6 · answered by annetteb1432003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's in a kind and caring manner it would be fine. But if it's being accusatory and demeaning or even scolding could be bad. The mother will instinctively defend her child from you. Even if your right. Loving and caring his mother will respect though. Also, any kind negative remarks about her child will be a bad idea.
2006-12-27 09:57:48 · answer #7 · answered by phgl83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think as long as you do it in a respectful way, you're OK. If she plans on being in a relationship, she needs to deal with her "other half" being part of the raising process of her child, other wise she doesn't need to be in a relationship.
2006-12-27 09:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it would be cool with his mother if you disciplined him, however, I would suggest that you speak to her about it and be totally honest about how you feel about how he acts, and recommend that she do something about it, before it gets too out of hand, because otherwise, he'll not grow up right. (He'll also be disrespectful.)
2006-12-27 10:04:14 · answer #9 · answered by icebuilderjon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say "Where I come from, if a parent does not discipline their kids, we do it for them." Be sure to unbuckle your belt while you say this. Works like a charm as long as you're wearing a thick leather belt.
2006-12-27 10:43:39 · answer #10 · answered by O'Shea 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋