my bday is coming up i don't want my uncle there he makes me uncomfortable.....?

Question

i notcied ever since i was little he would put his hand on me like my lower back or walk by me and reach out and grab my arm shoulder...but he never does it to anyone else. not my sister or aunts. only me and he did it again on xmas and it makes me very uncomfortable my bday is coming up and big family dinner i dont want him there i dont want to invite him. im scared to tell my family or parents cuz what if they think im just being silly or lieing or something...what if they dont believe me ? or just tell me to grow up....how do i tell someone or get over this.....please help me

Answer 1

You need to tell someone in your family. Whoever is the calmest one, even if it is an older sibling. You don't say how old you are but see if it works to calmly and in the right situation (meaning not 5 minutes before he is due at your house) but tell them what you told us. He makes you uncomfortable and has for a long time.
You also might want to look your Uncle right in the eye next time he does it and simply say something to the effect that you just don't like to be touch and you don't mean to offend him but you would appreciate it if he would not touch you.

Answer 2

Well, without pre-judging your uncle, this is something that you should have a private conversation with your Mom about. It may be nothing - simply a very protective uncle and some mixed signals, or it could be something that your parents need to be aware of.

Either way, my unsolicited advice is to sit down with your mom (or your dad or both.. whichever condition makes you more comfortable) and discuss it. You will feel a lot better with someone else knowing and, no matter what they say to you, they will likely watch the matter carefully to make their own judgement.

No need to tell you to grow up.. that doesn't apply here because we ALL have to grow up sooner or later. But growing up is a lot easier if, when you venture out in the deeper water, you have an adult there to show you where the high rocks are and help you along.... that's what parents generally try to do.

Good luck to you....

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Answer 3

I know that everybody's family is different. I feel that in my family I would be able to go to my parents and say that uncle makes me uncomfortable but I know it's probably not like that in every family. Do you have a close couisn you could confide in? Maybe that cousin/family member could help you watch the uncle or might just have to break down and tell your parents that he makes you uncomfortable. You can't help the way you feel. And as far as not inviting him if this is a big family function you can probably not invite and he finds out from another family member and just shows up. Or u could invite him and just distance yourself from him. Don't stand or sit by him. I belive in being straight forward I would honestly tell my uncle not to touch me like that. But that's just me. Some people see it as being disrepectful but I look at it as making sure that I am comfortable in my own space. I hope some of this advice helps and I hope that you enjoy your b-day.

Answer 4

Yea i get what your saying, i was in the same situation you are in years ago when one of my uncles was doing inappropriate things to me. I once just let him know what he is doing is making me uncomfortable and that i didnt like it.
Now everythings fine, i dont usually go near him at any time. But no one in the family knows except me and my mom. But he does come to the family parties and there is no such problem. There are a lot of perverts in this world than u can think of! So just be careful and make your opinion clear. Most of these perverts stop doing ugly things once they know ur not liking it and you will take serious actions if they dont stop.
Just dont make a big scene out of it and tell everyone. It will only make everyone more embarrased cos u cant tell them the details of what he was doing to you. You would be shy right? I was shy and embarrased too to tell anyone!

Answer 5

Please tell your parents that you are uncomfortable around your uncle because of the unwanted attention he has been giving you. Perhaps you could request a dinner with your friends rather than your extended family. It is possible that your uncle is just being "friendly", but he should be made aware that you do not wish him to continue this sort of affection. If you are afraid to speak up to him personally, ask your mother to do so. You have a right to be comfortable in your own home, and your parents should respect that and help to protect you when you feel you need protection.

Answer 6

Time to give a voice to your concerns and discomfort before your uncle takes your silence as his cue to move his inappropriate behavior to the next stage. Do not give that a chance! If your family will not listen...take it to any responsible adult whom you believe will help you get proper results ( an end to this aggression on you). If you have to, call the police and file a formal complaint. In some states it is the same as assault if you are being touched even in the manner you described when you do not want to be touched, and especialy if you are a minor. If all else fails, contact "perverted justice" online and ask their help. They are very good at helping. One way or another, you should be protected.

Answer 7

You could try to talk to your parents about it, let them know that he makes you uncomfortable and ask if there is a way to exclude him from your birthday without making a big deal out of it. Keep in mind if your family is close like mine, everyone is going to know that you didn't want him there. So as long as you can handle that I say go ahead and talk to the parents. Or you could just try to avoid him at your party. (as long as he hasn't done anything worse to make you uncomfortable) It sounds like there will be lots of people there so you won't be alone with him. If hes making you feel uncomfortable there is a reason for it and keep your guard up around him. Don't let anyone tell you its in your head or your imagining things. Good Luck and happy birthday!

Answer 8

Coming from someone who was in your situation one time and could have stopped a heart break and more I wish I told. Tell your parents that your uncle makes you feel uncomfortable what it is he does and would rather him not invited to your bday dinner. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable or be violated this way.

Answer 9

You definitely have to tell! If your parents don't believe you, tell someone else. The only way it will stop is if you speak up. If you don't, you never know what could happen or how far he could go. Stand up for yourself and do the right thing. While it might be hard for your parents to believe in the beginning, eventually, the truth always comes up. Tell them if they don't believe you, to watch the next time you are around him!

Answer 10

This is a difficult one, and the only thing is to try to talk with your parents, especially to the one not related directly to your uncle, let them know that you understand that he probably doesn't mean anything bad, but that you feel uncomfortable, and if it doesn't work, try your best to stay away from him, or whenever he tries it again, grab your hand and take it away and tell him "Uncle, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you touch me, please..." If you take that courage, things will change. At least he is not being agresive. Be wise. God bless.