My daughter is married to a man who verbally abuses her children. As the Grandmother, what can I do?

Answer 1

Wow some people on here can be very rude. Do what your heart tells you to. And for the person who told you not to butt in and mind your own business.....tell him to shut up because this is your family and it is YOUR BUSINESS!!! You have every right to be concerned those are your grandchildren. Beside if he is doing that to your grandchildren what is he doing to your daughter?



for those who are telling you that its not your place unless it becomes physical then they are wrong because personally i feel that verbal abuse is worse that phisical because emotional scars can be hid but are harder to get over. Physical wounds heal fairly fast but emotional ones are harder to heal.

Answer 2

There are several things that you as the grandmother can do. One of the obvious things is to talk to your daughter and let her know the effects emotional abuse can have on children. In the mean time, find a way to make sure the children are not being physically abused as well, more times than not physical abuse and emotional abuse go hand in hand. Depending on the severity of the situation it may be appropriate to have the children evaluated by a doctor. Emotional abuse is wrong and can be just as damaging to the child emotionally, as physical abuse. Unfortunately it is harder to prove than physical abuse. This is where people get the idea that there is nothing that can be done to stop the abuse from happening. It is just a matter of proving it.

Answer 3

With all due respect, I disagree with those who are advising you to talk to your daughter about this. After all, it's not your daughter who is verbally abusing the children. Because you referred to them as "her children," I am assuming they are her children from a previous marriage. My recommendation is that you talk directly with your son-in-law, who is causing the problem. This is delicate and it will take courage on your part! But I know you can do it. The next time you hear him saying something harsh/abusive to any of the children you can walk directly up to him and say to him quietly but in a very firm tone, "I am uncomfortable when you speak to the children so harshly. Perhaps you don't realize how it sounds, but I would like you to talk to them in a gentler tone of voice." Keep doing it until at least he doesn't do that in your presence. You don't have any control over what he does when you're not there. I'm not sure why your daughter isn't intervening -- she may be afraid of him, or fearful of losing him. You can at least ask her if she is OK, and if she feels safe in her own home, and offer to help in any way you can. If you say something like "you shouldn't let him talk that way," etc., you'll run into the "kill the messager" situation. I'm sorry you're going through this -- it must be difficult to witness. It's hard to understand why people place their relationships above their children, but it happens all the time. The children are the ones who end up scarred. As their loving Grandmother, you can just show them as much tenderness as possible to try to counteract their stepdad's nastiness. Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 4

Let your daughter know how you feel in a gentle non-confrontational way. Let her know that she has choices in life and that you'll be there to support her along the way.

I wish that someone had intervened when my father was abusive towards my sister and me. He was not only verbally abusive but he was also physically abusive. Be aware that when there is verbal abuse, there is also likely to be physical abuse too. Before you call Social Services, ask yourself if the stepfather thinks that he's joking or kidding. He may just be ignorant of how his comments sound. There are lots of men (and women) who don't understand that what they're saying is hurtful. Make sure that your home is a refuge and a safe haven for your grandchildren and know that I wish that I had a grandmother like you.

Answer 5

Don't say anything negative (as hard as that may be) so you can be with those children as much as possible. They need you, you know it, and you can make a huge difference in their lives just by getting them away from it when they are with you. As a grandmother, if you say anything, there might be that possibility that your daughters husband will not want you around. Staying around is the best for your daughter and your grandchildren. Praise those children as much as you possibly can to build up what he tears down. Good luck!

Answer 6

1. Make your feelings known to your daughter but let them deal with it.
2. You could call CPS but be prepared that you could potentially cause great harm to the family even if the abuse is not as great as you may perceive it. This would be a drastic move.
3. Be there for the kids. Be the shoulder to cry on and the person that they can come and talk to.
4. Kindly talk to the father and tell him that you are worried about the effects of his words on the kids and that you mean no harm in calling this to his attention. Tell him that you respect him and that you hope that he will take your words to heart. Don't get angry or accusatory.

Answer 7

Talk to her and remind her that no kind of abuse is okay. That can do emotional damage to those children. They will turn out needy or resentful if she doesn't put a stop to it. Try and talk ot them as a way to vent their frustrations and let them know it is not them with the problem.

Answer 8

I shall assume you've talked with your daughter about the emotional damage being done? In a last ditch effort, I would sit down w/ your son in law and speak from the heart about the havoc he is wreaking!

Answer 9

Call family services. Help your daughter get out of the situation.

Answer 10

Have those kids over to your home as often as possible they need to have a refuge from that man. And you should express your concerns to your daughter but in a supportive way otherwise you'll just be pushing her away.