I just found out that my soon to be husband is also a soon to be father. During a 3 month break-up period my fiance had a fling w/ a woman and now she claims she is pregnant with his child. He says he will take care of his child (DNA test pending) but wants to move forward into the future with me. I'm really not a factor in their decision, but I have no idea how to handle this.
2006-12-27 07:32:27 · 8 answers · asked by mizmouth99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you had the notion, granted everything else in your relationship is beautiful, to marry him, then I would move forward with the wedding. If you were not together when this happened, then there was no claim to him, and it was free lunch...though I'm not saying it's "proper". I would probably be upset myself, but if I loved this man and wanted to be his wife, I would marry him. However, you will be the one to make the ultimate choice in knowing that this child, if proven to be his, will have his father for the rest of his life, and you'll be an instant step-mommy with all the cares that go along with that. Hopefully the mom-to-be isn't the dramatic type...sigh.
Go with your heart, then analyze it with your head.
2006-12-28 10:41:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to suggest a third choice - pause. Without breaking up, I would certainly cancel/postpone the wedding plans. You need to get some information and re-evaluate your relationship, and you have enough pressure without adding a timetable and a wedding to the mix.
I'd want to ask questions about ages - how long you two have been together - what were the reasons for the 3-month break-up. Loving him may not be enough - there are some deep and long-lasting commitments and obligations involved with this baby, and you will be a part of all that if you are married.
Step back and take some time. Don't break up (unless you really want to) but at the same time, don't let yourself be pushed and pressured. He needs to find out about the baby, and then he and the mother need to make some choices about the future. And you need to process how you feel about all of this.
If the love is there, it is for life, and will be there in however long it takes to work through this moment. When you go into marriage, you should be certain - and right now, you are a long way from being certain about anything.
Good luck
2006-12-27 08:10:07 · answer #2 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First things first, if you love him then before you make any decisions he needs to get a paternity test and it may just work out that she's wrong, but if it is his, that's a real hard thing to handle. Been there. My husband has two kids from previous flings and one he still doesn't know if she is his or not. Regardless of whether the baby is his or not. You are the one who has to decide if you are ready to be a step parent. He didn't cheat on you but apparently he was thinking with the wrong part of his body and that may prove he's not as mature as you thought he was. You need to let him know how you feel. Just because this could potentially hurt his life doesn't mean it has to hurt yours. Especially if he's not financially stable enough to accept responsibility for the child. Weigh out the pros and cons of the decision. It's a hard one but if you feel that you can handle it then power to you but if not you need to get out now while you can.
2006-12-27 08:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by missfinley2u 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love this man to no end, and can't imagine your life without him, then you should stick by him. If you THINK you love him, but are having any doubts, then you might want to put the wedding off for a while, until things calm down. You have to face the fact that if this is his child, you will probably be raising him/her to some degree if you marry him. You will be reminded of the "fling" everytime you are in the company of the child and/or mother. It is a LOT of baggage, and if it bothers you in the least, just take things slow until you are sure.
2006-12-27 08:09:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...thats a tough one. if he really is the father then you will have a constant tie to this other woman through this child. and you will be forced to help raise a child that isnt yours. personally I couldnt do that and wouldnt do that, but it depends on you and how you feel about the whole situation.
2006-12-27 13:38:30 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's willing to be a good father, not every man these days are good fathers or even fathers at all.........
At least you know he should be a good father to your kids given that you want some with him.
2006-12-27 07:57:57 · answer #6 · answered by Playa Hata 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You love him right?...Then stick with it. Everybody goes through hard times. As long as he is there for you and that baby things will work themselves out.
2006-12-27 07:56:34 · answer #7 · answered by Chica 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the test and what your limits are. I would do what you can to stand by him if you love him.
2006-12-27 11:01:22 · answer #8 · answered by Stacye S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋