I have been dating this guy who claims he is in love with me (I love him too), doesn't want to lose me, but isn't ready for a relationship. I found text messages that he was sending to another girl that were obvious that he is talking to other people, but yet he persists that they are from a friend. He says he wants to be with me and loves me, and feels that I am the one, but he just isn't ready right now. He just got divorced and he claims that is why he is not ready. I think this just makes it so that he is not responsible for his actions. If he sleeps or sees other girls, then it won't be like he is cheating because technically he is not in a "relationship" with me. He tells me he loves me all the time, and I believe him, but I think he wants his cake and eat it too. What is your advice?
2006-12-27 07:27:29 · 52 answers · asked by schaves55 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you can't get a "it's only me and you" then your time is being wasted unless he is okay with you getting more than friendly text messages.
2006-12-27 07:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah, definitely let this guy go!! He hasn't even let the ink dry on his divorce papers yet and he already sees another woman as "the one", he said that to someone before already and look how that worked out?!
Also you need to listen to what he is saying to you, he has said that he is not ready for a relationship, which means exactly that. So move on and look for someone who wants the same things as you do, otherwise you're going to stay in this situation with this guy and its going to repeat itself over and over and over but with different girls receiving the text messages. Let him screw around on his own, don't let him pull you into his s*it, he's playing around, enjoying the new freedom he has from the marriage thing and he sounds like hes in no hurry to change that any time soon. If you want something more serious from a man, then find one who is ready for that also. If this guy is serious about you then he will come to you to take the relationship to a more committed level, but don't try to force something that isn't there right now, cause you'll just end up wasting your time and probably getting your feelings hurt in the end.
2006-12-27 07:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has just divorced he will want to be able to have a bit of freedom and do what he pleases for a while. He needs some space. I would also want to know why he got divorced and if he ever cheated on his wife. If you do love each other and it is meant to be then it doesn't matter whether you have a relationship now or in a few months. If you feel that you cannot trust him and he wants the best of both worlds then unless you are prepared to be another notch in his bedpost I would steer clear until he is ready to commit. Be his friend and then the relationship will be better in the future
2006-12-27 07:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are correct about him wanting his cake and eating it too. On one hand, he's at least being honest about not wanting a relationship--however, it seems he is stringing you along--talking to other women, telling you he loves you but can't commit right now, and if he loves you he would not be doing all these other things. It seems he wants you to wait around forever--and that is NOT fair. And if he is sleeping with other women that IS cheating because he says he loves you. He can't expect you to wait around and watch him do this until he is "ready". Either he wants you, or he wants to enjoy his "freedom" after the divorce. I would step back from this and see what happens--try not to rush into anything with this person just yet. Good luck!!
2006-12-27 07:33:47 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Sodas♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move on. My last relationship was with an older guy who as in medical school. He would always tell me how much he cared about me and how he wanted to be with me but we never really saw much of each other because of his busy work schedule. After a while I noticed he kept talking to these random girls. When I asked him about it he just insisted that they were friends and that I should trust him. We were technically seeing each other unlike your situation but he would have girls over and never let me know which I did not appreciate. I wasted a long time trying to figure him out and totally regret it. Any guy that isn't happy just spending time with you, isn't good enough. I just think if he really loved you he would at least make more of an effort to show you. By having these relationships with other girls, whether its sexual or not, just doesn't seem right...
All the best! I hope everything works out and you figure out what to do!
2006-12-27 07:42:39 · answer #5 · answered by lokelani607 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Schavee,
He definitely wants to keep his options open. If you want exclusivity, then he is probably not the one. I do not necessarily fault him, he is a rooster in a hen house after having just divorced. Seems that the timing is bad. Either way, do not waste your time giving him all his options when you only have one- HIM.
Remain friends, but do not look for this to materialize in to something meaningful. If he loves you sooooo much, why is he texting other girls? Its selfish, and don't fall victim. Be a volunteer, not a victim, if you so choose. Just don't let him hold all the cards while he is playing you.
Good Luck!!!
2006-12-27 07:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok....I think that this person just got out of a relationship and isn't ready to jump back into a monogomous relationship. That isn't necessarily a bad thing...in fact, it is probably for the best but what makes it bad is that he is lying to you. It sounds like he is very comfortable throwing the "love" word around to appease you without truly meaning it. I hope that this isn't too harsh but if I were you, I would probably try to look elsewhere for a stable, monogomous relationship and maybe just consider this guy as someone that you would possibly just date. Good luck!!!
2006-12-27 07:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by Ginger P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't put a whole lot into this relationship at this point ... he's telling you what he wants, he's being honest that he's not ready to settle for just one. So either go along and know that he may decide on someone else or leave now, only you know for sure whether it's worth the risk of sticking around.
2006-12-27 07:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by Chele 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you obviously know the truth deep down and are waiting for some clarity from someone. You see the sign on the wall but are hoping if you avoid them long enough they will go away. He does not sound like he is being totally honest and commited to you. He give you just enough to keep you hanging on without falling off. Take a stand for yourself and do not allow your self to be treated like a back up plan. Take a stand and find someone that is commited to you that makes you feel like you should be treated. He may say all the right words but they mean nothing without the actions to back them up. My advise go be free and find someone worthy of your love. I do not think he is.....
2006-12-27 07:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by cyborg_2099 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to be anyones rebound. He may feel attached to you because he just got divorced and he needs companionship but obviously he is not ready for a relationship yet. You should just back off and see what he does with the space.
2006-12-27 07:30:49 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl My advice is ....to walk away , if he isnt ready now and he really truely loves you then when will he ever be ready, he is using that stuff to be his excuse, and to excuse his actions, dont let some man run over you cause you love him, or you think he loves you, there is way to many good men out there for you to just settle for him......but mostly my advice is to talk to him and tell him how you feel , and let him know how much it bothers you , and tell him either he has to commit to you, and be with you as your partner or there isnt nothing, at all, and if he really loves you then he will !! good luck and god bless!!
2006-12-27 07:31:22 · answer #11 · answered by Melindakaye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋