Is my wife right?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 2 years together for 8 years, we started going to bible study at this pastors house. my wife is really hungry for god. Is it weird that My wife and the pastor are taking mournig walks together everything I do wrong is reported to the pastor they talk everyday, also she bought him a personalized coffee mug with a bible verse on it for his birthday and I didnt recieve nothing for christmas from her. he is a 58 year old bald overweight pastor should i be worried. she is 28. We are legally married on paper but she has told me that god doesnt reconize the marrage because the marrage was not done though god and gods ways so she has stopped having sex with me untill we are married through gods eyes what do you think is going on

Answer 1

Where do you stand with God? I think that if she has a problem with you in your relationship with her, it would have to do with that. However, she is wrong to withold sex from you, the Bible says this plainly in First Corinthians 7:3-5.

Divorce definitely is not an option. I suggest that you go to this Pastor and meet with him without her, and find out what the deal is. Don't approach him in a confrontational kind of way, but express your concerns/questions to him. If he won't work with you on this, he isn't much of a pastor. I would resist thoughts and feelings of jealousy. She probably admires him as a spiritual mentor, but that doesn't mean that she wants to dump you and sleep with him. But for the sake of your marriage, and your own peace of mind, I would take care of this as soon as possible.

Answer 2

Well first of all I think that you are married in God's eyes. in the Bible it talks about submitting to the thrones and governments over us. Therefore your marriage was in God's eyes and He is everywhere and aware of all things so there is no doubt that He knows and honors the vows. As for the pastor... well it depends on the pastor. I can't imagine my pastor even being tempted in that manner. He loves God and our church and his family too much to ever do anything like that. But there are fakers out there and men that are weak in this area. Taking walks is not necessarily a bad thing. Talk to your wife and tell her that you are concerned. Ask her what they talk about and maybe you can go along sometime (better yet all the time). If it is just religious curiosity then there should be an issue because you would enhance the conversation and you two could grow and learn to together. If she has other motives then this will soon become apparent and if you persist she will loose interest in walking with him while you are there.

Answer 3

It would appear, at least on the surface, that your wife is more taken to the pastors particular message then God's. My suggestion would be to find another Pastor and you and your wife discuss this with them (as it seems your wife might only listen to a Pastor now). Your wife is not really living up to the charitable beliefs of God by her actions. If she worries about you being married in the eyes of God all you have to do is getting a blessing, you don't need to redo the wedding just affirm it. This can be done by making a simple appointment. If it is important to her she already would have suggested and probably arranged for it, it does not take alot of planning, just a free hour or so when you she and the pastor can be there. I would suggest you consider maritial counseling and attending a new Church and both of you sit down with the Pastor there and discuss how this has effected your relationship. Any reputable Pastor would tell you that the division this is causing in your marriage is not good Pastoral counseling from the current Pastor.

Answer 4

Sounds like your wife has a "father" fixation on the pastor. Morning walks, personalized coffee mug, being negative about you to the pastor....these are warning signs. It's not unusual for a kind of brain washing to happen within some of these home based bible study groups. You're in a small group, and it's easy to be led in a direction you might not normally go.

If possible, take a trip with your wife away from the influence of the pastor. See if she is your wife or his mistress.

Answer 5

Your wife is having a spiritual crisis. She feels lost and empty and is searching for something to rejuvenate her spirit. It may be that she's trying to make a "clean break" and start a new life--which means without you--but it may also be that she simply has concerns that you and she "lived in sin" for six years, thus "tainting" the marriage, and she doesn't know how to "cleanse" it. I can't say whether she's physically attracted to the pastor, but it's certain that she's gravitating toward him for spiritual guidance. He has what she needs right now, or at least she thinks so.

I wouldn't try to interfere with that. Instead, I'd ask the pastor if he'd be willing to speak to both you and your wife together, so you can understand where she stands and what kind of advice he has been giving her.

If you still care for your wife, take reasonable steps to acknowledge her crisis and help her resolve it. Don't take it as a personal attack against you. She's in need; help her as you would any friend.

Answer 6

While God originated marriage, human governments have some control over the action of those getting married. Jesus said in Mark 12:17Jesus then said: “Pay back Caesar’s things to Caesar, but God’s things to God.” And they began to marvel at him.Similarly, the apostle Paul directed:Let every soul be in subjection to the superior authorities, for there is no authority except by God; the existing authorities stand placed in their relative positions by God.Romans 13:1...In most lands the civil authority determines who is eligible to marry.This may involve obtaining license, using a State-authorized marrying agent and so forth. So when two Christians marry in a way that is legal and recognized, that union is binding in Gods eyes..... Talking about eyes, I would keep my eyes on the pastor.

Answer 7

What does she think being married in the eyes of God means? If a man and woman come together and decide to be man and wife and make a lifetime commitment to each other and confirm that commitment with physical intimacy then they are married in the eyes of God.

Did Adam and Eve have a preacher do a service to marry them? No. Did they have a license given by the govt of the garden of Eden? No.

To say your not married in the eyes of God when you have made a commitment to each other, gotten an actual marriage license and physically come together to confirm this commitment you are married in the eyes of God.

She needs to get in the word like the Bereans and confirm that this Pastor is preaching the word of God correctly. But you need to love your wife like Christ loved the church. Don't worry so much about what she is doing and worry about what you are doing. Tell her you feel that your marriage is valid in the eyes of God but if you want a more religious ceremony to recommit and reconfirm our love then lets do it.

Answer 8

She is not acting very Christianlike at all. I would be furious if I were you. Tell her that she is acting hypocritical and that you think it's a weird and dysfunctional relationship she has with her "pastor". Some fo the biggest creeps that roam the earth are parts of these "bible studies". She cut you off sexually so that signals red flags to me. I don't think her motives are "religious".I would also have a talk with that so-called "pastor" and tell him that marriage is a sacred union and since you are legally married you expect him to find a new walking partner.

Answer 9

You two need pastoral couseling by a licensed professional counselor that has a Mdiv. Your prespective says that the religious sect is cultic and dangerous. This may or may not be a reality but your perspective on this leads to that conclusion. Your marriage is in peril and That pastor is too close to the topic to be objective and help. Find outside help at once. This link will get you to a Pastoral counselor that is fantastic in Raleigh, NC. Use this as an examplt to find one near you.

http://www.tripastoralcounseling.org

Answer 10

I think you need to find another wife if "god doesnt reconize the marrage because the marrage was not done though god and gods ways" as your wife says. I think the pastor is feeling up her head with all kind of nonsense and she is believing the pastor. It seems you need to send your wife to get some mental help.