I have been dating someone that is Bi-polar for the past few months, he is currently married to a woman and the divorce will be final in January, after he left his wife a year ago I am the 3rd relationship that he has had since his wife, the first guy that he dated, after they broke up he tried to commit suicide, and then chose to move to omaha, he does not take his medicane like he should at all, only when he is really on a low, I love him but he is too high and low, we broke up 2 wks ago but he still calls me when its convenient for him and for some reason I make myself available for him, he came back after 2 wks of the break up and cried and cried and asked me back, I accepted and then the next day he flipped out on me, and we didnt talk for 4 more days, now he is up and down again and is just very standoffish, and I paid to get him home for the holidays, but really dont know what to do, Can someone Please give me some insite on what I should do with this man???? HELP!!!!
2006-12-27 06:54:16 · 13 answers · asked by john c 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I suspect this is a made up story, but just in case it isn't.... I'll answer you.
You need to see a therapist, 'cause the guy isn't the only one with mental health problems. You wouldn't be doing this back-and-forth game with him if you were entirely stable yourself. You would be able to see that this is not a healthy relationship and break free of it completely, setting boundaries that are healthy for yourself.
Again.... if this is a true story.... you need to get help for yourself.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-27 06:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Hello..........It sounds as though you are really torn up. It is tough choosing which path would be the best to take.........to love him with all of his issues,or to keep your distance and try to make loving him a thing of the past. If you had the power to make him well, to make him take his meds, well, you'd be some kind of super hero. Please remember that because of his illness, he has probably lost the power of rational thought to some degree,and may not even understand what makes him act the way he does. This is very unfortunate because it sounds like you are willing to be a partner to him, regardless of his bipolar disorder. When you first hooked up with him, he was really not in any kind of position to make you a part of his life, legally or emotionally. Even though you may have made a connection with him, ask yourself if he was ready for that, and also consider that since his state of mind was unstable enough to make him want to commit suicide, what would you be able to do in the future to prevent this from happening. Again, unless you have some special kind of power, this is something that you have to think about. You could love him so much that it hurts, yet remain totally powerless where his illness is concerned. Love is a powerful drug, to be sure, but his medications are what will keep him alive and on the right track. It sounds as if the correct combination of meds hasn't been found yet, or he would most likely be taking them. My daughter is bipolar and it took several years for us to get it just right. Actually, in one instance, the antidepressants were what caused another relapse. When you say that he "flipped", it was like you were talking about my child, and what it took to regain her stability was a reduction of the antidepressants[and a couple of weeks in the hospital] Being caregiver to a bipolar person has been the singlemost difficult thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. My daughter has left the denial behind her and is now a school teacher, so do not lose hope. If you have any influence over your sweetie at all, encourage him to stay med compliant and to perhaps see about getting another opinion about what meds he should be taking. Having someone in his life to "be there" through the good and the bad times is key to his overall mental health. But, don't kid yourself into believing that it is going to be easy, or that it will always be as difficult as it is right now. There will be times when you may think that you just can't take it anymore, so if you truly want to have this person in your life, you must have nerves of steel and a heart of gold, be consistent, and be able to accept absolutely everything that comes your way. Take care, and think positively. Stay informed as well. There are many excellent websites. I started out by hooking up with N.A.M.I., [The National Association for the Mentally Ill] The information they provided was invaluable to me. Good luck to you.
2006-12-27 08:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Christie L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! This totally sounds like my ex-fiance. You need to stop the madness for your own well being or you will wind up on meds. What he's doing is a form of control & abuse, regardless of his clinical diagnosis. You or anyone else doesn't deserve this level of disrespect & chaos in their life. There are other healthy men out there so let him know you are unavailable until he makes serious changes, takes his meds & seeks help. If he genuinely does this, it will take at least 6 mos. to a year before he is right in his head. That gives you plenty of time to heal & move on & if it's meant to be it will happen. If you are serioius about the HELP part, you will not mess with this person any longer.
2006-12-27 07:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by COblonde 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have bipolar 2. People like him with Bipolar one though (I'm almost positive that's the one he has) Do things like what you described. They can never settle. I have a bipolar friend who moved a million times, broke tons of relationships, found him self in big trouble and spending money. Once he got on his medication though, his life totally turned around. I would not be with this man if he chooses not to take his medication. It's not only hurting him, but it's hurting you, too. I ALWAYS take my medication because I could never put my boyfriend through the me that I hate to be when I don't take it. Tell him that if he loves and cares about you and respects himself, than he NEEDS to take his meds on a daily basis. His life will not get any better if he doesn't take care of himself. Know that it is not your fault what he does or how he takes things. Me being bipolar, I can't see why he wouldn't take his meds?! Email me and tell me how things are going. It's blueyedblondej5@yahoo.com
2006-12-27 08:15:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't think well enough of yourself to not be in this type of relationship....you too need to seek help. Number 1..Bi-polar/manic depressive people need to be on their medication to have any type of normal life. Number 2 he is married and dating you...what a nice guy! You know what they say.."if they do it with you they'll do it to you!" Number 3..you are the 3rd relationship in a year.....whoa! How's that for stability!? If you are looking for a long term commitment from this guy...forget it and find someone who makes you a priority...not just a rebound clown! I know someone who went thru the same...he left him and now he is in a happy stable commitment. MOVE ON!
2006-12-27 07:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has bipolar I can tell you this. Your life will without a doubt be HELL until he takes his medicine. Even if he has periods of being level...mood swings are bound to follow. You deserve life without the drama. Tell him that you want the best for him and you'd consider staying together IF he took care of himself and that means seeing his Med doctor regularly and taking his meds regularly. Not just when he is down or when he thinks he needs them. By then it is too late. I would be willing to bet more than half of the people that commit suicide are bipolar...mostly undiagnosed or unmedicated. It is a serious illness. I am very loyal with my medicine. My husband deserves a lot of credit because he has had to put up with a lot of crap due to my illness but you know what...I offer a lot to this union as well. More when I take the medicine. Good luck. If you have any further questions feel free to email me.
2006-12-27 07:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by yakimablueyes 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
One of my best friends is bi-polar. There was a time when she was very high and low, and she almost got divorced because of it. She finally was given a prescription, but even then it took time for the drugs to take effect.
Get him medicated, then stick with him through his time adjusting to the medication. It will take awhile for his body to get used to them and become balanced.
Just ask the doctor. Most doctors are creepy, but they know what they're talking about.
2006-12-27 07:14:56 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you care about him, but this person needs more help that you can give him, and if he won't even take care of himself, how can you expect him to take care of you?
Sounds to me like this guy is just running from relationship to relationship to escape the pain of the divorce.
I think you deserve better, there are a lot of quality guys out there.
2006-12-27 07:12:17 · answer #8 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life is to short! After saying that I'd recommend bear traps, baseball bats court orders and or a hired thug. Just break it off, burn the bridge and spare yourself the ulcer.
2006-12-27 07:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by Ricky J. 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i wish i could say there was something that you could do for this person, but he realy needs to be on his medication, someone that is bi polar, cannot help there outburst , so help him back on his meds , thats the best thing you can do
2006-12-27 06:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by delana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋