I have kind of a touchy question?

Question

Lately my 5 yr old son and my 8 yr old stepdaughter have been expieramenting with kissing and pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend...It all started when my stepdaughter came over and started talking about how cool it was when she kissed a boy at school and then my son told me she said if he didnt do it then he was a baby and thats how it started but it keeps going on from time to time...Ive put them in time out and took stuff and all that...i dont know what else to do...should I just leave it alone? will they grow out of it? am I overreacting?

Okay well I know for a fact that my son isnt sexually abused but as for my stepdaughter I dont know what goes on at her house...so But thanks everyone for all ur help

Answer 1

No, you're not overreacting! This is quite serious. Really, with a problem like this you need to take them to a therapist. It needs to be ended NOW before something more than kissing happens.

Answer 2

I think this is serious. The stability they have in their understand of love, affection, sex is extremely important. Right now they are at the learning stage.

Here's my suggestion. Sit them both down and talk to them. The following is a guideline that I might follow:

1. Describe relationships - You're the mommy, he's the brother, she's the sister, etc.

2. Describe types of affection. I think it's OK for brother and sister to kiss, just to be be confused with the romantic relationship of the stepdaughter. That's a unrelated boy who has a different kind of affection.

3. Let them know they have done nothing wrong, but you were curious what the felt about kissing each other. Wait for their response. Remember, they did nothing wrong.

4. Confirm with them that they understand what has been discussed and that they have the relationships separate.

5. Affirm your love for them and let them know how good they were sitting there in your chat. Then set them free letting them to ask if they ever wonder if something is OK.

Overall, keeping an open window of conversation with them will let them come to you before a friend or stranger.

Answer 3

Have a long talk with your stepdaughter. Explain to her that it is inappropriate. After that monitor it.

Does your stepdaughter live with you? If not I seriously question what is going on at her mom's house. Children tend to mimic what they see in real life when they play. She says she kissed a boy at school but that behavior had to come from somewhere. It is quite possible she's seeing mom and her new boyfriend (if this applies) or she's watching tv shows and movies that are inappropriate for her age. Have a casual conversation with your stepdaughter about what is going on in her life, what is she watching, etc. to get a good idea. If this is the case and she does not live with you have your husband have a long chat with mom about what is going on. If this behavior persists you might want to consider custody if you don't already have it.

I hate to mention it but it is quite possible your stepdaughter has been molested. They tend to be more "informed" sexually than most children her age. They tend to exhibit signs in play such as kissing, touching, etc.

I personally do not think you are overreacting. This is not normal play behavior between siblings.

Answer 4

Some stuff you can overlook and chalk up to curiosity, however because you son is so young, I would get a good touch/bad touch book and go over the basics. Just in case stuff gets a little out of hand then your son will be comfortable talking to you, also the book could explain to your stepdaughter that it is okay to be curious, but will give her clear guidelines on what is ok and what isn't.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

I think they are imitating what they have already seen adults to do. Children do that for everything they see us doing The fact that it's not a habit means also that they are testing if if it's acceptable behaviour at home. Do not show irritation or being annoyed when it happens and eventually it'll stop. The more significant and worrying your son and stepdaughter take this behaviour to be for you, the less likely it is to fade away. Don't worry so much about it; they are too young.

Answer 6

Okay the fact that your step-daughter said, "if he didnt do it then he was a baby," worries me. For her to use those words, means someone else most likely said those exact words to her to get her to kiss him (maybe the boy she kissed at school). That should be looked into before you continue punishing. As others said, it could be innocent for them, meaning they have no clue it's not right and they don't see it as disgusting. All you can really do is explain to them how the world works and why they shouldn't do what they are doing. Also, teach your son that he doesn't have to give in because she's calling him a baby!!!

Answer 7

A lot of good answers
But nobody touched on the fact that your 8 yr old first kissed at school?
I would look into this.
Only because the vast ages they have in different school systems.
The school can not keep there eyes on every single corner of the school but they need to know what is going
on. If anything.

Answer 8

I think they might grow out of it, but you still should stop it before it gets out hand. Sit them down and talk about how that's not right. You're definetly not overreacting though, this is serious. That is very innapropriate for a 5 year old and even an 8 year old to kiss anyone but thier parents.

Answer 9

I am a stepmother and i would like to tell you your not over reacting.. what you should do is explain to both of them 1st of all they are way tooo young to be kissing that is for big people and explain to them that they could catch really bad colds... ( they don't need too much details).. 2nd if they are half brothers & sister ( from same father) they should not be kissing either because that is not proper behavior... be understanding let them know that you are not comfortable with them doing this.. also set your stepdauhter aside and tell her that she is older and she doesnt need to be teaching this behavior to a child younger than her... she should be a role model and being a bully towards him is definetly not the way to get him to respect her when he gets older...
I don't advise you turn your head and ignore it. Tell them something and try to keep them busy so they don't have time to engage in this behavior.
I hope this information helps you...

Answer 10

gosh, 5 sounds a bit young.

i don't know......
i'll tell you some stuff about my childhood and please don't judge.

when i was a kid i had a crush on my cousin nicky. i was very little and i just thought he was a neat person. but that's all it was. it's a little embarassing to think about now, but back then i didn't have clue. i wasn't in school and i didn't know a lot of other kids, so i guess my crush developed out of availability.

as for the kissing....my cousin and i (both girls) when we were little would experiment with kissing. it wasn't very sexual, i mean we weren't turned on or anything, we just wanted practice and to know what it was all about.

i am a normal married (to a man) woman with a good career a gorgeous son, college degree....etc. in no way did any of this kid stuff scar me or change me in a negative way.

i have a feeling they are just experimenting, like you said. as for stopping it....i don't know if there is a way to do that. maybe sit them down and tell them that they are to not do that anymore and that it is wrong b/c they are brother and sister.

perhaps you can get them involved in acitivities with other kids so their attention isn't focused mainly on each other???

take care and i wish you well.

EDIT:
i really liked another answerer's idea...tell them that if they keep doing that to each other then they will get sick! that's a good idea!

Answer 11

I say control the older one and the younger will follow. She's the one that got him into this mess, and he knows way less than she does about it. Go to her in her room, and explain some things about life. How it is wrong for brothers and sisters to kiss, be very stern with her, and leave her with the impression that you are dead serious, and that it will not be accepted to do ever again. Explain to her that this is a different kind of "bad" thing. You can't even offer up a punishment. Perhaps it is time to talk about morals, taboos, etc. anyways, best of luck to you. (get all the parents involved if you think it's best, her father, mother, etc.)