So i met my boyfriends entire extended family over Christmas. His family is pretty disfunctional, parents are divorced and there are several half brothers adn sisters floating around.
Also, a lot of his family has been in and out of prison, rehab and what not. they are also pretty....well....white trashy....
when i met them, they were nothing like my family, no one hardly talked to me or really made me feel welcome into the home. it was a lot of silent moments and awkward instances. my family is the complete opposite, no one has ever been to prison, we are all super friendly and welcoming to everyone.
should I be concerned about this? i mean if i marry him, these people will be part of my family now
am i shallow or is family really important?
2006-12-27 06:22:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you may be having second thoughts about your boyfriend. Generally apples don't fall far from the tree. We learn most everything from our parents until we decide to go our separate ways and experience life from our own perspective. Unless your boyfriend has made a concerted effort to separate himself from family behaviours you were probably looking into your future! The fact that you are judging his family as "white trash" tells me you are not happy at all! Give it some thought before you break this guys heart. He is probably enjoying your family and thinking how nice it would be to be a part of it.
2006-12-27 06:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by luckybean 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You aren't being shallow; concern about a future family is a natural thing for someone who came from a good family and who holds family important. I'm the same way (although alot of my family may be considered the "white trashy" and some have been in and out of jail--we're a weird mix). Anyway, I too have a hard time being around my in-laws. I just don't fit into their mold. I am always the odd one left sitting there. I'm yet to figure out what to do about this. I guess all I can tell you is keep trying. Maybe after a while they will come around a little more. I wish you the best!
2006-12-27 14:34:07 · answer #2 · answered by angels_sign_ily 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear adonnis. One thing I have to say, is that what runs in the family, will always run in the family. Not a law, but a rule with its own exceptions. Make sure your boyfriend is not cut from the same cloth, I mean, that he is not as disfunctional as his family. Also, find out how attached he is to his family, because when (if) you 2 marry he is going to want to live with them, your life is going to become a disaster, but if he seeks a TOTAL indeoendence, then you have better chances.
Now is the time to consider what you are doing before it is too late. See how much influence his family has on him and make your decisions from there, truth is, family is very important, and no, you aren't being shallow, there is just a red light that went off in your heart.
Take good care of yourself. God Bless you.
2006-12-27 14:32:59 · answer #3 · answered by skydiver 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, it really depends on a lot of different factors individual to the situation.
To be honest, my husband and I are the opposite. My family is the dysfunctional one, my uncle (by marriage--not relation, thank god) is in prison for a number of horrifying acts, my parents are separated right now, due to outside influences, two of my siblings were divorced befoer the age of 21, two of my siblings have illegitimate children, some of whom refuse to pay child support, etc. I could go on, but I think you get the point.
My husband's family, on the other hand, are all very "normal", loving and accepting. They have a few black sheep, but nothing like my family.
All in all, despite the differences in background, we are both pretty well-adjusted adults. I lvoe him and his family to death. My mother-in-law, contrary to what I suppose is common, is wonderful and treats me like her own daughter/friend. But even though I do adore his family, there are things about my family, which, dysfunctional as we may be, I absolutely love about them.
My family, through all the hard times and weird times we've gone through, has always stuck together. (It's also a very large family--I have 9 siblings) We are always there for one another, and we love each other very much. They also have taken a while to accept my husband as a part of the family, as they are extremely close-knit. But once you're a part of my family, you're in, and they accept you as one of our own.
So, in regards to your question--in my opinion, there is a chance that you need to just get to know them better. It is also possible, however, that they are just "too weird". I think you need to decide for yourself, based on how long you have been with your boyfriend, and how much you care about him, whether it's worth it to risk having a "white trashy" family-in-law.
I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.
2006-12-27 15:12:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trust me, family is very important. When you marry someone, you marry their entire family, the good and the bad. Every family has their share of good and bad, but the good has to far outweigh the bad or your marriage will be under constant challenges from a variety of in-laws. I know this because I have a mother in-law. Good luck, but it doesn't sound too promising to me.
2006-12-27 14:31:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If ur on here asking you already know the answer.
No, you are not being shallow; just realistic and very mature about why you are in a relationship in the first place. Take pride in your gift; so many out there don't have it. There was some chick on here talking about her married lover not leaving his wife for her n ****....trying to get sympathy or somethin - ain't none here and she obviously needs extensive head therapy.
2006-12-27 14:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by hjfr27 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well from experience...family matters especially if you have kids. These people become permanent fixtures in your life and will want to try and raise your kids. How close is he to these people? Holidays will become miserable if you already don't like or approve of them. I love my husband and hate his family (trashy) also. There association with my kids bothers me. I'm afraid they'll learn this crapy behavior. Think long and hard about it. Get out if you don't love him yet. Good luck.
2006-12-27 14:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by noitall 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should ask yourself a couple of questions. Do you want to be a part of that family? Do you want your children to be a part of that family? I do not believe you are shallow to be concerned wth your future. If and when you marry you will realize that it is a package deal.
2006-12-27 14:31:16 · answer #8 · answered by Rusty E 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I wouldn't call it shallow. I have been in a similar situation and it's a little uncomfortable. If you love him, and he loves you, then you should be fine. Were they nice to you at least? That's what should count.
Oh--and sorry you had to put up with the snotty dancer bit**!
2006-12-27 16:09:35 · answer #9 · answered by ANGEL 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you love him? He can't help the family he comes from...you love the person, not the family...they are usually just the frosting on the cake or the cross you have to bear....
2006-12-27 15:02:27 · answer #10 · answered by necessat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋