I am finally getting married to the man I prayed for! He has a son (didn't pray for him) whom he has gotten custody of.....also living with us. I don't have any kids of my own so this is the test. His child is just evil to everyone....and let me add spoiled from the family he was living with prior to coming with us. Now he thinks he can get away with murder!!!! His son is starting to affect my fiance and my relationship. We still have that love but sometimes I feel something is missing. There are just days where I can not look his child in the face for the things he says and does. And he still has the nerve to want hugs, compliments, and kisses from me after disrespecting my family on a recent visit, just to introduce him to them. And YES his father does discipline him everytime he steps out of line 24/7. What are some (professional) things I can do so that this child's behavior doesn't push me away from the one man I truely love?
2006-12-27 05:58:43 · 7 answers · asked by seriouslythinking 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I've got to add to previous postings that I think you have an ideal situation in that your fiance has full custody of his boy.
I was a stepmom in a joint custody situation and there can't be anything more difficult in the world... I used to pray that we could get full custody of my two stepsons. They lived with their mom most of the time and she had absolutely no structure in their home (she let the kids fall asleep on the floor in front of the tv every night, they never brushed their teeth or sat down to a meal, never were read to, etc.).
With joint custody, you never seem to get enough time to really get close to the kids, to impart your structure or parenting style. It's always a battle, trying to be nice and loving while not letting the kids get away with murder.
You've got to be seen to support your fiance in his structure and discipline, and your fiance has to support you, too, when you tell the kid off for his behaviour. You haven't said how old the boy is, but I'd guess that both of you will need some time to come to terms with the new situation. You might need some professional help (i.e., a therapist) - it did help in my own situation.
Good luck! If you get it right you will soon reap the rewards of having a great child in the house, with the love you have been praying for.
2006-12-27 08:43:02 · answer #1 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay that rubbed me the wrong way...you need to put your needs aside for a second...just imagine that this lil boy IS your son and he was acting like this...I know its hard to imagine but when its YOUR child no matter how mean or disrespectful he is and no matter how many times you punish him, at the end of the day the love you have for him is still there..and as far as the hugs and kisses that he has the "nerve" as u say to ask for...those shouldnt be based on how good he was...just imagine what hes going through..He needs a mother right now more then ever hes so little and his life is changing faster then ever and children have a hard time expressing there feelings they could be doing something so bad and being mean cuz hes sad and confused...and if his father is so wonderful then nothing should push u a way.....especially his child..I know u didnt ask to have this child 247 but that child didnt ask to be here either.. he also didnt ask for his life to be turned upside down either
2006-12-27 15:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by Pretty Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this child has issues probably caused by the situation with the childs mother and his father. He's proably just looking for attention and doesn't know exactly how to express his feelings. Have you perhaps thought of a child psychologist or family therapy?
2006-12-27 14:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by kittynala 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being jealous of him. You are jealous that he and your fiance get to spend so much time together and have a special bond- one that you can never come between or even come close to having with either of them. Someday you'll understand when you have your own children and your selfishness will go away. His son is probably is just as enthralled about you taking his dad from him- as you are about him taking his dad from you.... start reading some books on blended families and start reading some books or talking to some parents who are in YOUR fiances situation- "trying to deal with a selfish partner who can't accept your children"
2006-12-27 14:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If God answered your prayer for this man God also knew he had a child that needed your help and love. Only you and his father really know what is going on here and if the child needs any professional help. You however can pray for this child and seek answers from God. James 1:5 says if any man lacks wisdom he should ask and God will answer him.
2006-12-27 14:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by servant_grl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give the kid a break, he didn't ask for his parents to divorce and then apparently be dumped by his mom onto his dad. Get him into therapy and then do the same. Being a step mother is a difficult job...don't be an "evil" one... but from how you describe your soon to be step son, it seems like you are already heading down that path!
2006-12-27 14:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by i_love_my_mp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably acting like this because he does not know how to handle this new relationship with you and his father. It is very hard on children and adapting can be quite difficult. Just try to understand that he is hurting inside and this is why he acts this way. The only thing you can do is show him you love him unconditionally and he will come around.
2006-12-27 14:04:42 · answer #7 · answered by rachel_ksr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋