How to forget your husband's infedelity?

Question

My husband has been seeing this girl. First, I found out from his text message about most of their conversations. I confronted him, he said that he already warned me telling me over and over that I wasn't that affectionate to him, that I always nag him lately. The reason why is because he's not supporting us as he need to financially. We have 2 kids and I am working full time, going to school for free (GI BILL). He barely helps me in the house so sometimes I feel reallly tired that I just want to go to bed. Their affair didn't last for a week but the thing is my husband invited her to his x'mas party instead of me and went to see a movie together (at least that's all they told me). I tracked my husband's cell phone log and I was right. He said he was sorry but I don't see his sincerity because he said that I pushed him away. I went to see the female and confronted her face to face/talked to her in a civilized manner. How can I get rid of the memories they shared from my mind?

Answer 1

oh hun, i feel for you, the kindest thing i can say is that time will heal, but its whether you want it to heal to the cad or not, he sounds like a absolute git, but then your in love with him and have history and kids, and you wont see that so clearly at the moment. Its easier for us to say walk away, but thats prob not the best answer you want to hear, but it is one that i would advise, if you want to make it work you have to sit and communicate, maybe over a romantic meal, or a day out away from the kids, spend quality time with each other, thats probably what hes crying out for anyway, that and sex, (one track brain cells and all that), its up to you if you want to try but your working hard, hes not, your providing, hes not, there his kids as well, and your equal partner, kick him up the backside, there is of course the old adage, do unto him as he has done unto you, you never know you might find mr nice guy good luck hunny x

Answer 2

you don't

it's not the cheating that's the main problem here

it's the fact that he doesn't respect you and he just isn't a proper husband. THAT'S your main problem.

From what you say, he blames his infidelity on you. How riddiculous, insulting, nincompoopish, unfair, inconsiderate . . .

For him to just brazenly betray you and then insult you while he's at it. What is he good for?
He must be so confident about himself that he owns you and you're not going anywhere.
How can you be a wife to something like that?
He doesn't even respect you for being human let alone his wife!!
it doesn't matter whether they rutted for three seconds, half an hour or a week. The fact is that he betrayed you, himself, your relationship, and his future with you.
He undermined everything that keeps you together AND he doesn't care because he believes that it's your fault he cheated on you.
I can't see how you can continue to have a relationship with him knowing how little he cares about you, your feelings, and what he's prepared to do to betray and be selfish to you.
How would he feel if things were the other way round?
How would he react to your treating him exactly how he treats you? If you put his philosophy back in his face I bet he wouldn't turn round and agree with what he said and just say "fair enough, i desearved it!"

No woman desearves what he did to you. If you walk down any street and blindly pick any man or boy or OAP. Chances are that they will be better men than your man AND able to look after you a lot better.

I couldn't sit around and feed him, laugh at his jokes, and iron his shirts knowing what you do about him.

I can only wish you the best of luck with that burden and thank God. I'm not judging because I always think "but for the grace of God" (or Fate or whatever) I could easily be in your situation.
I've been cheated on before and betrayed in other ways but this just goes beyond beyond...

one thing that's certain. you cetrainly DON'T want to be forgetting what he did. That's the WORST thing you could do.

Answer 3

Infidelity is always destructive, and often fatal, to a marriage.It is possible to avoid allowing infidelity to bring a marriage to an end.
To recover from trauma, a victim has a natural tendency to go back to the traumatic experience, questioning, going over details repetitiously: “What did you do? Where? When? How often?” The traumatized spouse must go over the events until the emotional distress caused by them becomes manageable. They must reach a point where they feel there are no more surprises.
Often, the betraying spouse wants to get things over quickly, after admitting to their infidelity. They must develop empathy for what the betrayed spouse is experiencing, and be willing to live with the pain of guilt, until genuine healing can occur. In addition, the betraying spouse may learn something about them self in the questioning process. They may begin to see their own motives, vulnerabilities, and selfishness. If both spouses can tolerate and control the emotions involved, they may come to a joint understanding of how the infidelity occurred, signaling the beginning of a more substantial level of recovery. Recovery usually takes 1 to 3 years.
Counseling might be a good way to help you to heal. Marriage counseling where you and your husband is involved. The counselor could give you two ideas on how to make you both stronger that you may have never thought about. A great perspective to help you along the way. Think about that.

Answer 4

It sounds to me that your husband is a very immature self-centered person. Were there really no signs of this behavior before you married him? Now that you are married and have 2 children please exhaust every avenue of healing and communication you have before you give up. Have you considered counseling? Are you both willing to work on your marriage and honestly and openly lovingly discuss the issues that caused the distance between you? If the answer is no I'm sorry to say this kind of betrayal will probably continue. The problem with infidelity isn't another person from outside of the relationship coming between a husband and wife. It's that one spouse isn't having their needs met by the other person.
I wish you the best. Communicating openly out of love with your husband should help you to heal. Possibly he isn't feeling loved.
With all of the demands on your time school,work,children,house work...everyday life maybe you both really need to set aside time for just the two of you. I know it seems difficult but maybe you have a couple of hours after the children go to bed to shower together or massage each other or play cards together or whatever you feel comfortable with just being together.
Good luck! Happy Holidays!!

Answer 5

Typical "cheating male" response: It's your fault. Bull crap! I hate it when men say they cheated because it was the wife's fault. If he is unhappy he needs to leave and get a divorce. He does not have the right to galavant all over town because he's mad at you. Once a dog always a dog.
Why is he not supporting you financially? Does he work? Maybe he has a dead-end job. If it is due to a lack of education thats one thing but to be lazy thats another. You two need to sit down and communicate your problems. I used to hate confrontation and I was an aweful communicator, then I met my wife and she fixed me. LOL...You and your kids don't need this crap. Your husband is lazy, if he has time to meet other women than he has time to get a real job or get another job.
I work full time, my wife is a stay at home mom. I also go to school full time 16 credit hours. My wife and I both decided that it would be in the best interest of our baby if she stayed home. We also decided together that I don't make enough money at my job so I decided to go back to school so that I can fix that. Your husband needs to man up and fix the problem, you can't do it all by yourself. If I can do it your husband can do it. Good luck!

Answer 6

First of all, don't let him push the blame for his unfaithfulness on you. That is typical for a cheater to do - shift the blame so you think he is justified to violate his wedding vows.
Second, this is not the first or only girl this has happened with - it's just the first time you found out. Inviting this fling girl to his company Christmas party is blatantly disrespectful of you and your marriage, and it seems like he wants everyone to know it.
Relationships are supposed to be two-way streets. If he is shutting you out and refusing to make amends, there is not a lot you can do. I can't help you with forgetting his treachery, as I would never be able to forget something like this. Forgiveness is possible, but if he is refusing to seek it, you are wasting your time and energy.
Don't bother yourself with confronting this other woman - you are married to him, and he is the one who promised to love and honor. She has no obligation to you, and you'll just get yourself more worked up.
I would say good luck, but it's not luck you need. Instead, I will urge you to try to stay as positive as possible. Ask yourself if you would rather not have ever found out and just been lied to for years, or are you truly better off having the information and not sacrificing any more of yourself trying to make it work?

Answer 7

You don't honey, you forget him. It sounds like he's trying to force you into a divorce by not being sincere, so just give it to him. And don't use that old argument about staying together for the kids, kids don't need to see that mess going on, it's harder for them than a divorce. Inviting her to the party over you is a blatant sign of disrespect. And that's a lame excuse about you not being affectionate enough for him, marriage is something you both have to work at, not just one person. Good luck.

Answer 8

infedelilty is like a crack in glass that wont go away and even though you try to forget its there it always be there to remind you. It will take you a long, long, long time to get over the hurt and it will take you even longer to trust him again. if you love him and want him you need to sit down and tell him what you want from him. make a list. first on the list is help around the house. Start being Just friends for a while. found out what you found attractive in the first place. talking is very important if you want to grow back together again. may i suggest that you sleep separate for a while. (not long time and tell him that) start to spend quality time together like a dating couple or good friends. just a few idea if you want to keep your man. or if you don't just throw him out!!

Answer 9

I am currenmtly haveing an affair, so let me give you the honest view from the 'other side'.

My husband works alot, and I don't see him much, I feel like he isn't there for me, and I feel like I need affection and to feel wanted. That's why I am seeing someone else to get those things.

Does it mean I don't love my husband? No, I love him so much it hurts, and I am weak to succumb to my want to feel loved all the time. Would I ever leave him? Never. If he gave me what I needed I would NOT be cheating on him. is he a bad person? No, he is a great man, and I hate myself for lying to him.

I think you maybe need to MAKE him help you support the family, you sound like you definatley have too much to do, then you two could have the time together you need. At the end of the day, he hasn't laft you, and he had somewhere else to go! I admire your restraint in talking to this other woman, and I hope things work out for you.

Answer 10

Hon you will never get rid of the memories. All you can hope to do is move on at some point they diminish you have to ask yourself if you love him enough to forgive. It's the old saying forgiving is easy forgetting is the hard part. Just remember no matter what he says it is NOT your fault he made the choice. Keep your head up and you'll get thru this. Blessed Be