My husband told me this morning that our newly 16 yo daughter was up until 2a.m. last night on My Space.
He said that every time he walked into her room she minimized.
He's not big on privacy invasion, which doesn't help us.
We share custody of her.
We have her every other weekend.
There is NO support at her Bio-Mom's.
I have some skills and the ability to get into her account.
Should I?
2006-12-27 05:33:50 · 42 answers · asked by paddlinglikecrazy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
About being the "Step-Mom". I have been raising her since she was 18 months old. We have a fabulously close, wonderful relationship and in everyway but blood, we are mother and daughter. My husband and I raise her 100% equally, with constant undermining to both of us from his former wife. I have *never* been refered to as a "step" my daughter. (we married after blind date and 6 months of dating)
2006-12-27 06:29:15 · update #1
I think this opens a good opportunity to communicate with your daughter, sit down with her and share your concerns about myspace with her. Myspace can be both good and bad, she can meet new people and stay in contact with friends. But there are also some places on there that are not good. Maybe sit down with her on the computer and have her go to her myspace and have fun looking up people and things with her, this will help you know what her intrests are. But also Remember you are the Parent and you should be able to set guidlines for her.
hope that helps good luck.
2006-12-27 05:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jason E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you create a myspace and tell her the deal is if she has an account you have to be her friend. Then you can check her page and she what shes showing the world, because that's where the problem comes in, what she is advertising to everyone else. Set rules, it has to be set to private so only her friends can see it, and you'll be able to check who is on her friends list and see their profiles also. I'd do this before I started hacking, but if after this you still feel like there might be a problem you're missing then by all means hack into it. She's 16... still a child! She needs supervision weather she agrees with it or not. Don't want her to get kidnapped or worse run off with someone you don't know.
Do what you feel is right, you are the parent! Good luck!
2006-12-27 05:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Childen are not ready to be self sufficient and make their own desisions. This is why they still live at home and we don't allow them to make the rules. They have no expectation of ownership or privacy. If you buy them a car, it is their car until they abuse it then it is YOUR car. It is their room, but it is in your house. And she must follow your rules while she is there.
I would sit down with your husband and work it out, but a good solution would be to tell your daughter that you are concerned and ask her to show you. If that does not work let her know that you are going on to look on your own in 12 hours and she has that long to remove anything you would consider inappropriate. From then on you will monitor sporadically whenever you want and there will be consequences for inappropriate content. Be sure you clearly outline what is inappropriate. Maybe the first time you go on if you find something it could be handled without anger or consequence. You could talk about the dangers of the internet and projecting an image and the results of it.
Good Luck.
2006-12-27 06:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by micheletmoore 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm...maybe I old fashion, but why was she up until 2? I think a reasonable bedtime is around 11, maybe midnight, until they are 18, then they get the choice...I digress. Maybe the dad should approach very quietly behind her, or ask her to maximize the window with her there. It is most likely that she is just chatting with a boyfriend or something and is just embarrassed (16yos are like that). You really have to go with your gut. Do you just want to know or do you think something is wrong. If you really feel something is bad, by all means check it out. 16yo does not have the same freedoms as an adult, it is your job as a parent to make sure she is ok. Don't do it unless you think it is something horrible though because you will lose any trust she has given you once you do this. It might be best to let this one go unless the gut is screaming at you.
2006-12-27 05:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by higg1966 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should try to do first is get yourself a myspace account and use a diffrent name as your user name. Then browse through her age group till you think you have found her.If she has not set her account to private you will be able to see who are her friends and what her site looks like. If you can not get through that way yes hack into her system if YOU realy are worrried about her. I am 29 years old and a mother of 5 And feel I need to let you know that when I opened my account there were some 16 -19 year olds asking to be my friend. I declined and deleted my account. Hope you find everything is alright with your daughter. But if you are seriously worried you need to check into it. You know your mothers intuition is always right. Thats why we have it.
2006-12-27 05:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by Hi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would. After all it could be for her protection. She is too young to be stay ing up that late and she is obviously hiding something from you, why? Maybe you should approach her with that first and if you get the cold shoulder or she doesn't answer the you feel she should, or truthfully, then yes I would definately get into her myspace account. If she continues that kind of behavior take the computer out of her room, or disconnect the internet from her room. I know this is a tough and trying time, but You should do what you think is best. Listen to your heart, it will tell you what you should do. Good Luck!
2006-12-27 05:41:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So by saying Bio-Mom, I assume you're the step-mom? You need to get together with her dad and tell him how you feel. MySpace is a dangerous place...I have one and sometimes I hate it. It's totally full of drama and crap...and I have weirdos always asking to get together with me, but luckily I'm old enough (plenty old enough...out of my teens) to know better.
Now, when I was 15, I was up till all hours online doing innocent stuff and minimizing things from my parents...but that was because I'm shy and I hate them reading my private conversations...even if they were about what kind of house I'd like to live in, etc...dumb stuff.
Now about accessing her account, I'd have to go with a no...at least behind her back. That is a total invasion of privacy and it's sneeking around behind her back. That would teach her that it's OK. So she may never find out??? Well, what if you find something BAD on there. She'll find out then....so you shouldn't do it without her there.
Talk to your husband then when she gets home from school (or something to catch her off guard so she won't edit it) and tell her you are curious as to what's on her MySpace. Let her know that you are doing it for her best interest and if she wants to get mad, that's fine...but you WILL see it right then. If there's nothing on there, then there's nothing she should worry about, right? So have her access it with you. Tell her you'll turn around (or something) so you don't see her information for her privacy but you want to see the page. Then, check it out. She may be mad about it, but she'll get over it and she'll at least (one day) appreciate the fact that you didn't snoop around for it...that you went about it honestly.
Good luck!
2006-12-27 05:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by Hootie562 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would honestly go on to her myspace web page and see if anything is alarming.
Does she have a lot of male friends? Different states or country?
Any unappropriate wording/phrases/ pictures?
I would also discuss this with her and ask her why she minimized it.
She might of thought he would of freaked out or she wanted some privacy, as maybe she was disclosing a secret or personal feelings that is no one's business.
She could of been doing wrong; yes. She also could of been doing right.
I would be concerned, but bring it up to her first as you stated you both have a wonderful relationship.
Snooping can break that wonderful relationship and cause rebellion.
Give her a lot of information and discuss anything she has or will be doing.
2006-12-27 09:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should, for her own good. Internet surfing and chat rooms have evolved into a sex predators' hideout, and a 16 yr. old child is easy prey. In the same way that you like to know who are your daughter;s friends, you should also know who is she communicating with online. Forget about this invasion of privacy yipyap, it's your daughter and you have every right to protect her. Don't feel bad about this. If you find nothing, you don't say nothing, no harm done. I hope this will be the outcome of your investigation.
2006-12-27 05:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by gaban24 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I take it that this is a step-daughter? I wouldn't. Step-parents have difficult enough time building a trusting, loving relationship with a step-child. If she finds out, she would hate you for it.
However, if you do a simple search for her page... that is public and free for anyone to check out. Just not into her actual account. From her page, you can see what she has blogged, etc.
My recommendation though... would be to discuss it with her father and encourage him to do the dirty work. Explain your concerns and the reasons you think she may be up to something.
You do realize of course, that staying up late chatting with internet friends is a very normal thing for teenagers nowadays. She is probably just fine and you are making a big deal out of nothing.
Kids also feel a sense of privacy about their communications. My daughter minimized things all the time when I'd walk in.... and she was just chatting on Christian websites that I was familiar with and approved of! Her friends online would even IM me sometimes and say hi!
Maybe just asking her what she enjoys on the net and not being pushy will allow her to open up to you, instead of invading her privacy.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-27 05:41:24 · answer #10 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋