Selfish to not want children?

Question

I've been hearing various people including my sig, and various posters say that if you are smart, attractive and can "afford" to have children, (and are good with children) then it is selfish not to have them. Someone please explain this to me. It really doesn't make sense to me. I thought children were supposed to be some big joy, not something you feel obligated to do. or is it that no one particularly wants to have children, just simply makes the best of them when they arrive?

for the record, if i did become pregnant i wouldn't toss the child into foster care in hopes that someone "who really wants it" would come along and raise it. I'd raise my own child. I just don't understand the "obligation" argument esp before pregnancy.

Answer 1

There is nothing selfish about not wanting children. It just means you are smart enough to think outside the box.

People whom want children want them for selfish reasons.

Often “Breeders” will use the world “selfish” to verbally attack those of us whom decide not to have children (Childfree). We, the childfree, are more mature, because we don’t verbally attack “breeders”.

Answer 2

It's not selfish to not have children, but I wanted to enlighten you to the fact that there are a lot of options, should you become pregnant and did not want to parent. Putting your child in foster care is not the same as putting them up for adoption. Private adoptions place children in a permanent home at birth. Foster care is meant to be a temporary solution until a birth parent can take a child back or an adoptive home can be found. There is no reason for a child to experience this if you know you want them to get adopted before they are even born. Just wanted to clarify

Answer 3

Thats rediculous. Children are not toys or pets or obligations. Children need to be loved and nurtured and the best way to provide that is by wanting them. There are thousands of unwanted children in this world in orphanages and foster homes,on the street and being neglected and abused in homes why would anyone try to talk someone who didn't want a child into having one? Granted if a person becomes pregnant by "accident" then they should be responsible about their decisions and not use abortion or adoption as birthcontrol but to promote having children if you dont want them is sick!

Answer 4

If you do not want children, then don't have them. Some parents think everyone should have children, but I'm not one. I've got 3 kids and wouldn't trade them for the world. But that was by choice.

I would not force anyone to have a child they did not want. Nor would I force an abortion on a woman that wants a child (they do this in China - 2 child limit).

A wanted child is a joy, and unwanted child is a disaster waiting to happen. Choose what is right for you.

Answer 5

If you don't want children, then don't have them. It's not selfish of you at all. Society shouldn't dictate how you live your life. You have to do what's best for you!

I have a child, but I wouldn't say you are selfish for not having any yourself. It's a very personal decision, and who am I to say you are wrong???

Speaking for myself, children are a joy. There are times when I have had to "make the best of it" with my son, but that's what I have to do.

Answer 6

Listen to this, and it should help you out:

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down.
It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month, or
* $171.08 a week.
* That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* keep watching Saturday morning cartoons,
* keep going to Disney movies, and
* keep wishing on stars.


* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, make hand prints set in clay or cards with backward letters for Father's Day and Mother's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs,
*and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
* first step,
* first word,
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits.

So one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.
That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

May you always love & enjoy your children & grandchildren!!!!!!!

Answer 7

it's not selfish not to want a child or children,this is your choice no one can make that choice ..it sounds like some one (that made that poster ) hasn't looked at all the unwanted children or babies how about making a poster for them .children are suppose to be a big joy when the person is ready.

Answer 8

"to each there own" Its your choice whether or not you want children. My mom always told me I was to selfish to have children, but I just had one and hes the greatest joy! He does come first tho, its not about me anymore its about him. I don't think that if you don't want children that makes you selfish. Children are a lot of work and are for some and not for others!

Answer 9

We are all individuals who have different wants, needs, and preferences.You are not selfish to not want children. Don't let others tell you what you "should" do. That is only their opinion and means nothing. Be true to yourself and if you feel peaceful and content with your choice, you may tell them that you've already made your decision, and you're not taking any more advise.

Answer 10

I wouldn't say it's selfish, because it's not your DUTY. Like if the human race were dying off and there were only say a dozen of each gender than if you didn't it'd be totally selfish. As it is - there shouldn't be any pressure on having a child...