Every holiday that rolls around the mother in law assumes we will be spending it with her. Xmas, New Year, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, etc...
At first I didnt mind since MIL is living by herself with her dog. But this year I see that my mom seemed hurt that we have spent consecutive holidays with the MIL.
Now that New years is rolling around MIL is already planning what to do before consulting us, because she just assumes that we will be with her.
I actually do not want to spend it with her or even my mom really but just me, my wife, and the baby. Also, I want to cut down on seeing my MIL, not entirely but less often than more.
How can I say this with tact and consideration? I am a straightforward person and usually just say it like it is and I think some people get offended. I also dont want the MIL to feel too lonely during the holidays its just I dont want to be the person along with my family to have to always brighten it for her.
2006-12-27 05:26:58 · 6 answers · asked by Richard L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
One thing I forgot to mention is that the MIL is a hermit and my wife is an only child.
MIL doesnt have friends and does not hang out with her sisters, aunts, nieces, nephews, etc...
2006-12-27 06:48:01 · update #1
Tell your wife that now that you've started your own family you'd like to start your own family traditions and you'd like to spend New Year's at home with "baby." Say that you'd hope she doesn't take this personally but you think you should start to split the holidays between your mother and her mother and spend a few with just yourselves. I'm sure she'll understand. But if not, another option is for her to spend time at her mothers while you stay at home with baby or spend it at your mothers. Good luck. It's not that hard.
2006-12-27 05:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by nochickenhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done it, got the t.shirt! You say you are straight, forward and upfront, so just say very politely, we love you Mum and Mum in law, but this New Year me, wife and little one would like a little time to ourselves, hope you don't mind but that is what we have decided. Don't make it sound like a question - make a statement. We all love our parents and in- laws, but enough is enough My husband is an only son but I am one of five, even so after years and years of dividing ourselves between several different homes over the holiday period we eventually had to draw a line. How about encouraging the Mum in law to spent some time with your Mum over the New Year? Just an idea, but it may take the pressure off you two. Be positive and polite. After all we are all entitled to our own lives and you do have a little one to consider. Good Luck and Happy New Year
2006-12-27 05:43:05 · answer #2 · answered by PHILIP C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Discuss this with your spouse. Does your spouse have brothers and sister's who might be able to spend time with your MIL during holidays? Also mention to your spouse that your mother is feeling neglected. Come up with a schedule, like alternating important holidays between each family. While also scheduling in some time that is just spent with your immediate family. Hope this helps!!
2006-12-27 05:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by cudancegirl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to explain the problem. Also find your mil some place to go or something to do so she won't be all alone or lonely on holidays. When you have a family of your own you need to take care of them first "forsaking all others"
Good luck.
2006-12-27 05:40:00 · answer #4 · answered by grrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have a - 1,2,3 policy - holiday 1 with my mom, holiday 2 with his, and holiday 3 leave us alone we're not going anywhere!
We alternate major holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving - the same way - my family, his family, our family.
It's not a perfect solution, but at least we a consistent and people know where we stand!
2006-12-27 05:38:07 · answer #5 · answered by Susie D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just be honest. Say - we are actually gonna just stay in this year. But maybe you could set up a time to go out to eat with her that way she has something to look forward to.
2006-12-27 05:37:05 · answer #6 · answered by imadancr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋