I just wish I could say no to my son?

Question

My son just doesn't take no for answer. he wants to do everything like having to do with adults like cook and write on my bills, lot so of things. I let him help me cook a lot of times and write ona different piece of paper when I am writing, but sometimes I just want to say "no" and that's it. But I feel like I have to explain why not and reason with him and then argue with him and it's a big ordeal basically and this is with almost EVERYTHING. Sometimes I just want to say no once and if he refuses as he always does I want to just flip out and smack him so hard so he gets the picture but I hold myself back from doing that but I really am starting to get close to doing that everyday! Does anyone else child just listen when the parent says no most of the time? half of the time? Part of the time? even a small percentage of the time?

he's 3 yr old

Answer 1

you may not like my answer but sometimes they need slapped.......you are the parent he is the child....... i am not near as rough as my mom was ....... and i knew to mind.........but my kids don;t listen to everything i say either rember the ol saying you pay for your raising ?

Answer 2

It seems to me with my kids, the more I say no, the less seriously they take it. So I very seriously consider why I am saying no, and if there is a 'yes' somewhere instead.

For instance, with cooking, if they wanted to do something dangerous, instead of saying "NO, you cannot pull the bread out of the oven" i would say "Would you help me by getting a bowl to put the rolls in?" If I was paying bills, instead of saying "No, you can't write on this," I would say "These are mine, you can write on this instead". Be firm. You cannot be inconsistent and let them do X,Y,Z sometimes, and then expect him to understand why he can't do it other times!

Because I say no less often, when I do say it, they know that I mean it seriously, and don't argue. Of course, this all depends on age, and on training. If this has gone on for a while, you have set yourself up for a few weeks of hard work, of being consistent and of being willing to drop what you are doing right away and back up what you said. If you said not to do something, you will have to not even allow them the chance to start, you have to drop what you're doing, move them away, and get them involved in something else. Good news is that it has worked with all of my older kids, regardless of personality or age. My baby is 13 months old, and we're working on that right now.

Smacking him will not teach him anything, except how to really get your attention. I'm glad you've managed to hold back from that, and I think that setting those boundaries will help alot too with your anger. Make sure as well, that you have a regularly set quiet time, where he is put into bed, whether he sleeps or not. Some days that it my only sanity, to know that from 1pm til 2pm, I will have no kids on my back, and I can do what i want.

You might also reconsider your timing for those important things like writing bills, or change your cooking habits until your child is older, so that you CAN concentrate on him for now. For a long time, I only did bills for fifteen minutes every day after my children went to sleep. They got done in a timely fashion, and I didn't miss out on me time then either because it was limited.

Answer 3

Ok here it is. YOU ARE THE PARENT. YOU ARE THE BOSS. YOU ARE THE EXAMPLE, THE TEACHER OF RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.

That being said, say no. Redirect him to do something else while you are working. Get him a toy kitchen and place it somewhere in your kitchen area and have him pretend while you cook. Or tell him to go play for a minute while mommy does this or that. But when you are not busy, give him one on one, television off, phone hung up attention.

BE CONSISTANT. Don't let him do something sometimes and other times get mad. If you don't want him to do something, never let him. If you are wishy washy the fight will be twice as long next time. For example if he wants to help cook, make a list of things he can help with. If making a meal includes those things then call him to help. If not he can sit in a chair at the table and talk to you, or play. I have a 2 year old who wants to do everything I do or my 8 year old does, but really he just wants to be included. So I give him clean up jobs and he is happy. And eventually it will be easier to give him chores.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

All kids want to do what Mom does. There feel grown up. Tell him No and then give him something simalar to write on. Instead of a bill give he a reciet from wal-mart to write on. When you say no he is testing you. Or trygiveing him something else to do when you cook. Find a activity book that has coloring pictures,dot-to-dots,mazes. Things that make him think. Have him do this while you are cooking or writing out bills. Explain to him that Mom is busy and you will play with him when you are done and when he is done with his stuff. If he likes to write,print off some pages on line for kids learning to write. You didn't say how old your sone is so I am not sure what might work. But just be strick about MOM time. I tell my kids that. Sometimes I let my daughter who is 4 help wash dishes while I cook. She makes a mess ofcorse but she thinks she is helping and it's keeping her busy.Good luck-

Answer 5

Hi Rooney,

I have a 2.5 yr. old grandson and he has learned that the oven is "no" the plugs are "no" and the plants are "no".
You did not mention the age of your son but what I have learned is that a child needs to be nurtured and protected. nurtured includes his mind, body and soul. Some children are sponges and want to learn a billion things in a day. Some children are just plain lazy. I have one of each. It may not be your son's curiosity nor yearning to learn but it may be that you need a time out to relax and take time for you, ask your son to do something for you that will benefit you and him... maybe teach him some fun stuff like how to make something simple that does not require the stove or knives? his help can be dinner? maybe show him how to make a bed like an Army Man? his help making the beds like they do in the Army is kinda like roll play? Since I am not sure with your son's age or if there are other siblings... .maybe he needs some time with you and the only time he can find is when you are trying to do those things. (that you feel are the only time left to do)?

Answer 6

You must learn to say no because if your child wants to do something that is too dangerous for him, you cant have him doing it just because u dont want to say no!

At 3 years of age children always ask "WHY" they cant do something, they love asking questions! Just be patient with him, hes trying to learn about the world!

I work in Daycare, we have to teach the children that they cant help with everything because they are just not allowed to do some of the things that they would like to help with, eg going into the kitchen to help with food prepearation etc!

Let your child help when appropriate because he will enjoy doing it, but when you feel its not needed say no, and let him know that you mean no!! If you give in SOMETIMES he will think that u will give in EVERY time, and will become even more persistant!

He may huff and puff, and throw a fit. But that may be the only way he will learn. Just let him have a tantrum if thats what he wants to do but make sure that u have explained why he cant help with what you are doing! He will soon learn.

He will try to push your boundries, its natural, you have to teach him what his boundries are!

Oh... and praise him if he takes it well when u say "no".

Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

3 yr old children LOVE to do anything that their parents do. It sounds like you are really doing a great job trying to include him, safely, in the things he wants to do. One thing we, as adults, need to remember is that children this young can't really grasp all the reasoning and rationale we try to give them. I know I am guilty of this with my children! Little ones need little sentences. We try to give them too much info and it just confuses them or makes them mad...sometimes both!

What really works with my children is to really listen to them when they are talking, not just sitting at the computer talking to them without making eye contact. That is not an effective way to communicate with a toddler. Here's what DOES work for us:

Stop what you're doing and get down on their level. Look them in the eye and tell them "Yes" or "No", not "Mommy can't let you cook with me right now because we're running late and Daddy is going to be home soon and we need to eat fast so we can all go to the store after supper." See the difference?

They key is being consistent. Let your "no" mean "no" and not "keep trying until I give in and say yes." It will take some time for him to get used to this new system, but he's like a sponge and will catch on soon.

"Smacking" your son will not do anything but build resentment and bitterness toward you if you're doing it in anger or frustration. It might scare him into "listening" a time or two, but you don't want him to be afraid of you hitting him every time he comes to talk to you.

Like anything, this is a normal phase of being a toddler and he will grow out of it. Use this as a learning opportunity to teach him he can't always do what he wants when he wants and that he has to obey his Mommy when she says "No." Also, you can try to redirect him to another activity he enjoys.

Hope this helps!

Susan
www.JoyFilledHome.com

Answer 8

My son isn't that old yet...

But, even now when I tell him no and he "tests" me I remove him from the situation and just sit him down with his toys.

For instance, he loves the laptop wires. But, the wire that charges the battery plugs right into our motherboard. If that plug point goes the whole laptop is trashed!! Plus, live wires are dangerous.

I say "no" one time. If he doesn't listen I put him to his toy box. Sometimes I have to do this over and over, but eventually he gets the picture. And, 3 months after starting the process he actually leaves it alone by the second (sometimes it takes a third) time!!

Answer 9

you are the parent. no means no. if he throws a fit let him, but no TV no toys and bed. Of course this is going to be really hard at first but the key is consistency. do it EVERY SINGLE TIME. he will try to beat you by getting worse but eventually it will settle down and he'll know "Mommy's the boss" but you gotta take that step and set it up that life is fun when you listen to mommy, but life is pure H-E double hockey sticks when you don't listen to her. Kids are smart. after about a week of 100% of the time no means no" he will get it and settle down. Trust me. Its not easy but its worth it. Whatever his trump card is, a toy, a video game an book a TV show.; Thats your weapon. next time he defies you all fun STOPS and sit him somewhere he does not like for a few minutes, then tell him that when he starts listening to mommy he can have his toy/ game/TV show back. But the key is do it every time. I have stopped my car on my way to a party for her friend, flipped a U-turn and taken my daughter back home because she acted up. I only had to do it once. Now when I say no or stop. its all good.. LOL

Answer 10

My daughter will listen to "no." Most of the time she wants to know why, so I tell her why... we don't have the time, it's too cold, it's too messy, because you will fall on your head, get brain damage and be in diapers the rest of your life... but sometimes I just have to tell her, "Because I'm the Mommy, and I don't want you to right now." She says, "Okay." and goes on. I think she listens to "Because I'm the Mommy" because I normally have good reasons for telling her "no." I KNOW I don't have to explain myself to her, but I can remember how frustrated I was as a child not understanding why things were the way they were. If your child flips out when you say no to him, swat his behind and put him in his room until his fit is over, it sounds like he knows if he pesters you enough you will eventually give in. I'm not saying to beat your child and do bodily harm, just a swat on his hiney to get his attention. "I'm the Mommy and I'm the boss..." Hang in there mom!

Answer 11

All kids try to push their boundaries, wether it's selective hearing, or doing everything they can, wether you really want them to or not. I think you should either make a packet for your child to have their own bills to pay, when you're working on your bills, or let your child know that it is very important that you have some time to yourself to take care of your bills, and you will make time to do something with them when your done. Whenever I'm preoccupied for any length of time, my son thinks it's his turn next, for my attention. We usually play one of his games, so he doesn't feel left out.