What should I do with my mother-in-law's horendous gifts?

Question

I don't know why, but my future mother-in-law keeps giving me gifts that I don't like and that don't even suit my style.Is it so difficult to understand the kind of things that I like to wear? Anyway...I was thinking of giving them away as I will never ever use them, but my mother keeps telling me it's not ok. My boyfriend would even like me to wear them on one occasion, so that she would understand I appreciate them. But I don't!!!

I forgot to specify the gifts were cheap jewels and perfums.

Answer 1

Your selfish and your last sentence screams it. You may not like the gift, but to not appreciate the fact that she gave you something she didn't have to bother giving you, that she took the time out to go shopping for you... Makes you selfish.

Answer 2

If your future mother-in-law is a lovely person she may just lack your good taste or does not realize your taste in these items.
If she is a sincere woman, find or plan a time when you could wear her gifts while not having to go out. Perhaps have a small dinner in your home and adorn yourself with her loving gifts. You will be fortunate to have a mother-in-law that is fond of you and makes an effort to please. Maybe the two of you could go window shopping and you could point out the types of items that are your style. Even suggest that every one make a wish list, complete with photo's from a magazine or advertisement. Some people don't pick-up on things too quickly.

However if your future mother-in-law makes an effort to make you look as ridiculous as possible (I had one of these) then sure have a small dinner party and unfortunately drop one earring/bracelet down the running garbage disposal or spill the perfume down the powder room drain. Unfortunate things happen. Never let her get you down. Try to love her to death, she may learn to love you too! Remember, she is the mother of the man you love. You have that much in common. Never make a man choose or take sides!

Good Luck!

Diana

Answer 3

Grit your teeth, smile, and say thank you.
The perfume you can give away, because it's hard to tell for certain exactly which perfume someone is wearing, and she won't know if you don't wear it.
The "cheap jewels" - keep the one you like best, and exchange or give away the rest. Wear the one the next time you see her to show your boyfriend and her that you appreciate her attempt. She may be a poor judge of style, but she is trying to do something nice for you, so you ought to appreciate the thought.

In the future, make sure to drop hints to her about things you DO like. Even go overboard a little and pretend you really really LOVE Godiva chocolates or Bath & Body Works apple lotion, or whatever you bear to receive at regular intervals in the future. Go shopping with her and get really excited and gush over a certain item - then she'll remember that the next time she goes shopping for you.

Answer 4

Hm. I get gifts all the time that I don't like... most namely makeup and jewelry. Even though I'm a girl, I'm not into that stuff- at all. However, many of my relatives assume that since I'm a girl, I'm gonna like girl stuff. Right?

Right. So every time Christmas or my birthday rolls around, I'm bound to get some kind of hand cream that I will never use, earrings that I'll probably never wear (I don't even have my ears pierced) and/or makeup I'll likely never put on.

What I do is, I just graciously accept the gifts, take them home, and put them in a storage box. After a year or two have elapsed, I clean out my room and figure out what I want to keep and don't want to keep. Mostly I get rid of the stuff that I never use... so naturally, the girly stuff goes out. And I never tell my recipients about it. No harm, no foul.
(Depending on whoever gave me the article of clothing, and providing they offer me the receipt, I could always go back to the store with them and exchange it for something I like. That way, they learn more about what I like, and their money isn't wasted. Everybody's happy. However, this works with SOME people- not all.)

It's not the most diplomatic alternative, but it's worked for me. After a while, they get the hint. Besides, I don't think you're doing anyone a favor by wearing clothes you hate just cuz someone gave them to you... you make that person think you liked it, so s/he goes out and wastes more of her money on gifts you hate.

Answer 5

Out of respect to her feelings I would keep the gifts and wear/use them only around her.

You might think the gifts are crappy, but she might have put a lot of thought into them and gave them to you as a gesture of love. She might have wanted to get you something nicer but couldn't afford it...she might not know your tastes with some things...she might think the gifts she picks out are absolutely beautiful in her eyes and she only wants to give you something she thinks is beautiful even though it's not your taste.

I've never understood the concept of people hating a gift because not to sound harsh, you should be grateful that she even thinks of you to buy you a gift. Some daughters-in-law don't even get the time of day from their mother-in-laws....

All you have to do is wear/use them a couple of times in front of her, brag on the gifts to make her feel good (because one day her thoughtfulness might bring you something you really like) and then pack the stuff away never to look at it again.

Answer 6

You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him nicely how those gifts dont suit ur taste and as much as you appreciate your mother in law thinking of you and giving you gifts (yea..lie through your teeth) you would like to exchange it for something that you will use. If he understands then nothing else matters. You are not obliged to keep the gifts forever..it's up to u what you do with those gifts.

Answer 7

It's one thing if she's buying you grandmaesque christmas sweaters with cotton rudolph noses adhered to them, but dude, it wouldn't kill you to spritz on a bit of the perfume or wear a crappy necklace for ONE night.

Your in-laws are not your husband. It's not her job to "understand" anything about you. The fact that she gets you anything at all is enough to be grateful for. Hell, the fact that she doesn't try to demonize you to her son should have you delighted enough to expend a little energy being polite.

Your mother is right-- it's not okay to be spoiled and ungrateful in the face of a gift given, as long as your in-law is not buying you gifts that don't suit your taste out of spite. And I doubt if she is.

Answer 8

If you can exchange them for something you would like, do it. If you can't, then give them to a friend or charity.

If you wear clothing that you don't like to please your mother-in-law, she will think you like them and continue to buy you things you don't want.

Once a gift is given, it is up to the recipient to do whatever they wish with it. If someone is going to be upset that you didn't use the gift in the way they wanted you to, then they should have just given you cash.

.

Answer 9

OH lord...don't get trapped in this cycle. You'll be doing things and wearing clothes you hate for the rest of your life if you let her go on thinking you like what she giving you.

Depending on how open you are with your future mom in law, i suggest a private heart to heart. I know you don't wish to hurt her feelings. But to be straight with you..She's a controller..she wants to turn you into someone that she's comfortable with you being and not who you are.

Put you foot down now! Be polite and classy about it. But don't let this interfering behavior continue or you'll be dealing with it during your marriage, which may lead to serious issues between your husband and yourself.

Answer 10

I think its rude to give them back even if you do HATE them. However, you can pretend to have worn the perfume, that could easily go unoticed. But the jewels? well where them when your going out without your husband. And just take them the he** off when you reach the car. Just make sure to out them back on! Otherwise, please its a gift, leave it alone.

Answer 11

Reminds me of an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Ray's parents had every present that Ray and his wife gave them down in the basement under a tarp/blanket. Not even opened. Ray finally discovered them, when he bought his Dad some Cd's and asked where the cd player was.

SO, store them all away. Who knows, someday you might like them.