Don't want them at our wedding?

Question

There is this person who is one of fiancees oldest friends who totally disrespected me and caused too many problems in my relationship with my fiancee. She acted as though I didn’t exist and asked things of us that she really shouldn’t have, just because fiancee used to do a lot for her and her son in the past. No one likes to be disrespected and because I am always told I am a kind person I tend to do a lot for people but she took me for granted too many times that now I would rather not have anything to do with her. I don’t want a person like that in my life. I am getting married and have told him and she knows that I don’t want her there, such an important day I don’t want to be reminded of those horrible times in my relationship because that’s what she represents. I am on the road to forgiveness but as far as i am concerned that doesn't mean i have to be friends. Fiancee would like her and her son there but i can't do it. She was orignially invited even though i didn't want her

there then she asked something of us that she really shouldn't have and i told fiancee that i don't want her there that was the straw on the camels back. Fiancee wants the child there but i told him that it won't be nice inviting the child and gran if the mother is not there. I really want to just have a lovely day but this person represents bad times in our relationship because i nearly left my fiancee. Do you think I am being unreasonable

we have had a talk my fiancee and i he is not happy but he needs to understand that i have put up with her crap for ages and i am asking for just one day.

i truly do understand that it is his day also but honestly it still hurts. She was invited but fiancee didn't know that i didn't want her there and like i said she asked something again and that put the nail in the coffin. THe only time we argued was because of this person and i don't want to be reminded that she caused so many problems whilst i am getting married.

I was even swaying to invite her to the evening but my friends said that i am too kind

all he said is that she is one of his oldest friends but honestly he cares more for the boy than her and really wants her there otherwise he wouldn't be saying invite the boy and his gran then if not this girl. But i think underneath it all he respects my wishes because this is our day and he knows how upset we each were when we argued over this woman. Depending on how i feel i may say let her come to the reception but i am still pondering on that for now

Thanks for all your answers. I'll just add that she didn't know that she was invited, as we hadn't told anyone at that point and up until now we haven't compiled the list yet. But i take on board all of what everyone one has said, it is a lot to think about. I will have talks with H2B soon about it and see what happens. Thanks again people

Answer 1

I wouldn't want her but look at the bright side of things: its only for one day.

The wedding, the reception, then she's history.

Answer 2

I am very sorry you had to go through all of this with her. She doesn't sound like a very nice person if both you and your fiance have gone out of your way to help her, and she has not shown her appreciation with something as simple as a little respect.

But you have to remember that this is your fiance's day, too. While commercialism has made it sound like it's "all about the bride," there is a second person saying vows on this day. He has every right to invite whom ever he wants out of his half of the invitations. I'm sure that there is at least one person on your list he could live without, even if he hasn't said anything about it.

Let him invite the rude woman, and her child if you are allowing children at the wedding, and then ignore her at your wedding. I'm sure you will have enough other people to talk to that you won't have to deal with her for any long amount of time. Besides, there will be so much going on, and you will be so excited and happy, that I doubt you'll notice her if you seat her in the back of the room. It will mean a lot to him to have his good friends there, and it will be that much more important that you are showing how much you love him by tolerating this female's presence.

Answer 3

interisting that I would stumble upon this question as I have had huge relationship ruining problems with my fiance's best friend who is the biggest dirt bag on the face of the earth. This guy destroyed our relationship but we somehow managed to piece it back together. to boot, my fiance then asked this POS to be in the wedding party! yeah nice right. Since then I have worked things out with this guy but at the time I gave my fiance the altimatum (spelling) either he's in it/there or I'm not, you pick! now the other thing that pisses me off in reading your problem is the disrespect thing, you are supposed to be getting married to this person who is supposed to now be your best friend, why would they even be cool with thier friend disrespecting you in the first place? it's total B.S. About 30 minutes ago I just got an e-mail from my best girlfriend saying she doesn't want to be my maid of honor anymore because she doesn't like my fiance and you know what I told her, since they edit on here I'll lightly say "to hell with you then". You should always choose your husband or wife, fiance whatever over a so called friend. A friend is supposed to support you and be there for you not try to ruin your relationship, that's not a friend, that's what enemies are for. It all comes down to you, the one who is to be married and if your fiance can't show you the love and respect you deserve over this little ***** then you have an important decision of your own to make as in does this person truly love me. Good luck to you, if all else fails do what we have decided to do and say a big fat F you to everyone and elope, save yourself the money and aggervation.

Answer 4

I would let her come to the wedding, after all you invited her initially. You should have said something before the invitation was sent.

I don't think she will cause any problems at the wedding, and if she does, she can be escorted out of the place by the ushers.

Let her come, let her see how happy and excited this wedding day makes you feel. Consider this. It would probably make her feel bad to see you so happy.

After you are married, you don't have to have anything to do with this woman.
Congratulations on your future wedding and may you have very many, many happy years together with your husband to be.

Answer 5

I wouldn't have her at my wedding but it's not just your wedding it's also your future husband's. You all really need to have a heart to heart and seek out a decision together.

Another thought - If your husband has a personal attachement to this woman's child she isn't going anywhere. She will probably use your husband's feelings towards her son as a way to get under your skin. You are still going to have insecurities or concerns as it relates to her. I pray that it does not cause a riff in your marriage.

Answer 6

does he have a thing for her or something? because my husband would never do something like that to me. I know he's allowed to have a friend that is a girl, but he needs to cut the strings a bit if hes marrying you. stilck to your guns. I wouldnt want her there either. if he has a problem with that then I would think there is something more going on there

Answer 7

I can understand why you don't want her there. Did your fiancee expalin why he wants her there? He may have some very valid reasons for wanting her to be there. You need to listen to him about her. It's very obvious he knows why you don't like her and want her there. Listen and if it means that much to him to have her there, then you have a choice to make. Pick your battles wisely....

Answer 8

May I suggest that you discuss this with your future husband and come together with a joint decision.

Answer 9

ha ha your new husband has a *** friend.this marrage is all ready over. mark my words it wont last for long.if your husband does not stand up for you. i would be wondering why.silly people.