The past 6 months I've been in a relationship with this incredible guy who is a divorcee and 25 years my senoir who I've known for a year. That aside, over the past month or so we've been up and down with the relationship..he's been hung up on the difference of our religion, and thinking that he's holding me back. He says he loves me, and we still spend time together, and when we are together it's incredible, we talk for hours, even after intimacy. I love him dearly, and he told me that we are good together, and we have much in common, but two many differences to be together forever in marriage. He insists that we always be friends, and says that we are friends now "but a bit more". He says that he wants to continue to see me, and learn more about me, know all about me, that he is not interested in anyone else, or wants anyone else because he's "selfishly attached" to me. My question is, is this just something he's going through? Have I lost him? Is he just scared of marriage again?
2006-12-27 03:02:04 · 17 answers · asked by safireblu64 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way he was married for 20 years before, and his wife left him because she wanted to become a doctor and she felt being with him and the kids was holding her back. Also he has met my parents, and my parents really like him.
2006-12-27 03:36:04 · update #1
And he told me that he has been happier with me then he was through his whole marriage....that it was a lonely marriage.
2006-12-27 03:37:50 · update #2
You haven't lost him.
You two can make it but you both have to try.
2006-12-27 03:06:57 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Friends with benefits always end up bad, one way or another. If you care about eachother so much, then maybe you should give it a try. Most likely he is afraid of being married again, in which case you just give it time. If you two don't feel it will work out, then don't put your friendship at risk by having intimacy together. That will only cause unnecessary emotional problems for one or both of you. You already have that great friendship, and those are hard to find. So keep it as strictly a friendship or try to see if the relationship will work out for you. It is very possibly to be the best of friends after being with a person, if you guys really did care about eachother.
2006-12-27 03:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by Steve S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if the two people involved are mature. Just tell him that this is cool for now but you do have plans to be married someday. Ask him if this is something he wants and if it is not although things are nice with him he is not the man for. I say that because he can't ultimately give you what you desire. You want to be married and it seems he is okay with the current arrangement. Secondly, if religion is such a big issue for him why in the world is he having sex out of wedlock. He can not have it both ways. Sounds more and more to me like an excuse laced with truth.
2006-12-27 03:09:58 · answer #3 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just give it time dont rush things. It can always just be a phase hes going through. He seems like a great guy. He realizes theres more to you than meets the eye. Like you said hes been married before so he is experienced and doesnt want to commit the same same error. Personally from experience thats what they say but when they realized how you stuck around even though they told you all those things its hard to just be friends so they come foward and make the moves. Stick around, you both seem happy at the moment dontr ruin it, u havent lost him, its that after his divorce maybe he hasnt found himself.
2006-12-27 03:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by Secretlyfe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one of you decides that you want to be friends after being lovers, it means they are not over the relationship yet. This is a bad, bad, bad situation to be in because it will drag on for a long time since nobody is able to deal with the breakup in a healthy manner. Just DON'T DO IT! There is no rhyme or reason to stay friends after you break up. Obviously the compatibility is not there. Don't force it or fool yourself into thinking otherwise...
2006-12-27 03:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
probably he is scared of marriage again, but if u both love each other give him some times to make up his mind about the relationship. or u can ask him how u mean to him and if he tells u ask him wouldn't it be nice i the two of you get married to form a family. for me staying friends with somebody after being lovers is just like staying lovers because the guy will try to be intimate with u whenever he is in the mood. u can consider this offer as a friend with benefits. if u don't want to lose him go ahead and accept it, but if want to lose him just let him go.
2006-12-27 03:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by ivelisse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too often, we don't listen to things that people tell us...choosing to believe their actions instead. The reality is that he told you he was not going to marry you and there was no future. Believe him. Otherwise, you will waste many years hoping for a future he told you that you would never have. And you can't blame him for stringing you along - because he told you the truth up front.
As for your continuing the relationship...without any hope of a future...thats up to you. If you can wrap your mind around it just being sex and friendship, then great. But know that - as a woman - you will be getting your hopes up. Good luck.
2006-12-27 03:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by Super Ruper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is definitely friendship after being lovers. But the guy you are involved with is playing you. He just wants a young thing squirming under him til something else more appealing comes along. Dump his a## and grow up and stop seeing love when you are being used and abused by a dirty old man. When something younger comes along he'll dump you and be telling them the same story!!!!
2006-12-27 03:16:17 · answer #8 · answered by Miz Val 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is possible. my ex and i still live together. (we have another roommate) he sleeps on the couch. every now and then we cuddle in bed, but nothing more than that. he is one of my best friends. - which is why i havent been able to kick him out.
my ex and i broke up because his divorce is still not final. we jumped into a relationship after being friends for 4 years. we only dated for 2 weeks before we were practically living together. we were planning to buy a house, have a baby... he decided the day before we signed the papers on our house that he wasn't ready for a relationship. he still loves me and tells me everyday how much. he says he isnt interested in a relationship with anyone, and he isnt just looking to get some either. (he hasnt been with anyone since we started dating other than me, and its been over a month since we've been together)
it IS possible... good luck!
2006-12-27 03:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by biz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two of my exes I consider very good friends. But they married and I felt staying in their lives would be a problem for their marriages so I haven't talked to either for years, I hope they are happy.
2006-12-27 03:09:41 · answer #10 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends 'but a little more'? That sounds like he is ur boyfriend, not ur friend. If he has fears of getting married then respect that but discuss it with him abt where r u with him? Cut the crap abt being friends but also having sex. there is no such thing.
2006-12-27 03:10:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋