does the ring really matter?

Question

Me and my boyfriend of almost 7 years have been talking about getting engaged recently. He said that when he proposes that he is going to give me his deceased mothers engagement ring because that is what his dad always wanted him to do. I haven't seen the ring, but I know that its yellow gold and has about 9 small diamonds. The only problem is that I hate yellow gold and prefer a simple white gold ring. So, should I just be happy that he wants to marry me and just be happy with the ring or does the ring really matter? Please help.

Answer 1

It is a great honor that he is giving you his mother's ring. This beats any store-bought band. Even if it's not your dream-come-true, this ring means a lot to him, and it symbolizes what you mean to him and his family. It was his mother's. This is a true family heirloom. Every ring is supposed to symbolize commitment, however, the fact that he is offering his mother's ring to you shows that he (and his family) truely thinks very highly of you and wants you to be a member of their family forever. To him, it is an engagement ring, but it is also a symbol of his mother. I know someone would have to be very special for me to trust them with such a meaningful item.

Answer 2

When I first read your question without the explanation, I thought I was going to have to give you a lecture about selfishness and materialism! But I see what you mean, and it could potentially be a problem, though not necessarily. The ring, in itself, does not matter. What DOES matter is you and your boyfriend's happiness. This is a great exercise for your relationship. You need to discuss this. You should not have to wear a ring you do not want. He should respect your feelings if he loves you. That said, if he cannot afford another ring, or the ring matters that much to HIM (NOT his father, who should have NO bearing on this decision), then you may need to come up with a compromise. Perhaps you get YOUR ring, and use THAT ring on a necklace to be worn on special occasions, or something like this. The important thing is that you and your boyfriend talk about this and work out a fair compromise. If you can't do this over the ring, then maybe you shouldn't be getting engaged in the first place.

Answer 3

Be very happy that he wants to marry you (took you long enough!), and feel very blessed that his family thinks so highly of you. Then have a little talk with your boyfriend. After 7 years together I would hope you two have learned to compromise on things. Ask him to show you the ring and tell you why it is so important for him to give it to you. You may find that the significance, and the style of ring itself, override your dislike of yellow gold.
Others have mentioned having the diamonds reset in white gold or finding a white gold wedding band to go with the gold engagement ring. There may be another possibility, if you like his mother's setting. Visit a reputable jeweller or goldsmith and ask about having his mother's ring recast in white gold. They may be able to create a wedding band to go with it at the same time. This way it would still be her ring, only made over to fit your image.
May this lead to a happy compromise, a lovely wedding, and many years of happily ever after.

Answer 4

I would be honest with him about it, but consider this - how about accepting the ring now and agreeing to wear it, but then asking him if he can still buy you an engagement ring and you both go together and pick out something that you love? I think that is a fair compromise. The ring does matter and holds a lot of sentimental value. My now husband asked me to go ring shopping after 1 month of dating and we found just the right ring for me - 3 months later he proposed. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Answer 5

The ring doesn't matter. Once you get married and have the wedding ring, you can stop wearing the engagement ring. I think the meaning behind the heirloom ring is more important than your preference for white gold.

Answer 6

Well I personally would be nervous to be wearing such an important piece of thier family history on my finger, I'd be scared to lose it. On top of it, the ring matters but it doesn't. All that really matters is that you two love eachother and are engaged HOWEVER, I can see your point that you want something of your own that you like, I mean you do have to wear it for the rest of your life so you should be happy with it, not saying it has to be expensive but at least something you will be happy with. I'm not thrilled with mine and trust me people suck and will be mean to you about it, count on it so be ready to defend your ring and your man. It's really up to you but since you asked, to end my long winded answer, I say tell him you are afraid to wear it cause you might lose it (which is true) and get something more your style. Good luck

Answer 7

I believe that we often get too wrapped up in the wedding, and don't focus enough on the marriage. Having said that, however, I would like to weigh in and say that yes, the ring is important. If you are going to follow that tradition, and wear a symbol of your commitment, it should be something you like. My suggestion, then, is to have his mother's ring reset in white gold with the diamonds across the ring to look like an eternity band. That way, you incorporate the importance of family, and have a ring that you will love wearing.

Answer 8

The ring only matters because of the symbolism. You should be grateful he is finally asking - I wouldn't have waited seven years! Don't be fooled by the whole white gold and platinum "fad", because that is just what it is. Yellow gold is classier and enduring, never will go out of style.
Accept what he gives you. Be flattered that you will have what will be a family heirloom - you can pass it down on later - how cool is that...

Answer 9

I personally wanted a nice ring because I am going to wear it every day for the rest of my life. And I wanted something nice to pass down to my children. If you don't like the ring, you should talk to him. You shouldn't have to wear something you hate. You can always take the ring and have it dipped in Rhodium to make it look like white gold. I have done it with a couple of necklaces- it's really nice.

Answer 10

Normally I'd say the ring doesn't matter, but in your case it does. This isn't a store bought run of the mill engagemant ring. This is a ring with a lot of sentimental value to both your bf and his father. If I were you I'd feel honored that he feels this way about you and that both he and his dad think you're special enought to give the ring to. If your personal taste is white gold, then I'd suggest finding yellow & white gold wedding band so that way you can feel comfortable wearing both.

Answer 11

It matters, but only to an extent. He should appreciate the fact that you do want to marry him, but at the same time, understand that you do not like yellow gold. How about getting a white gold mounting for the same diamonds?