my boyrfriend and i are in love with eachother. we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. but theres one problem.. he doesn't trust me at all. he's told me not to speak nor look at any other existing guy. it's really hard though because im a very nice person and i say hi to anyone who says hi to me. i've been doing okay lately with not talking with any other guy. me and my boyfriend has had fights in the past talking about how much he doesnt trust me.. i've asked him why i cant talk to any other guys. i asked if it was because he thought i might cheat on him, or leave him. he said its neither one of those things, and its because he wants me to respect him and be loyal to him. but part of me thinks that hes thinking i might cheat on him.. i've cheated on my boyfriend before this guy im with now. he knows about that. but he also knows i didnt love the past guy, and that i love HIM. i dont know.. maybe its because hes had a tough past?
2006-12-27 01:32:57 · 13 answers · asked by answer! this 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he'd told me that he has had big fights with his past girlfriends and told me they have never worked out well. do you think he doesn't trust me because of my past or his past?
and plus, whats an easy/hard way to earn his trust back other than not talking with guys? is there something i can do to let him trust me?
2006-12-27 01:34:35 · update #1
i know he is a little controlling, but i still love him. i would do anything just to make this relationship work, ok?
please..
2006-12-27 01:37:44 · update #2
I was in the same situation a few years ago. The bf just did not trust me or my friends. If a complete stranger smiled and said hi to me, he thought we were sleeping together.
There is no reason why you can't talk to another guy. He needs to get over his trust issues. In everyday life you need to talk to a variety of people; coworkers, employees, service people, etc.
There is something that he isn't telling you. You need to find out what and that will start you on the way to him trusting you.
2006-12-27 01:39:20 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its possible he's had a tough past, but if you stay with him YOU will have a tough future. You will probably never convince him to trust you. Marrying him will make him worse, not better. He has no right to dictate who you can or can not speak to. Don't say you don't mind if it will show him how much you love him, because it will only show him how much he can control you. He is dangerously possessive.He wants you all to himself.Over time he will demand you stop speaking to this or that friend or even family member. He will cross examine you on every person you speak to, maybe even deny access to the phone. He needs counselling. You won't be able to go to the toilet without his permission.
2006-12-27 10:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are caught in the beginning of what will become a very abusive relationship. These relationships first begin with the man telling the woman they cannot have contact with other men. Next, it will be no contact with her friends, then her family, then the real abuse begins. Please do some research on the internet about abusive relationships. Talk to your friends and family. Whatever you do, DO NOT stop being true to yourself for the sake of a relationship. My guess is that you are in your teens (or very early twenties) and that this is one of your first "true love" experiences. If you are truly interested in listening to the advice you receive here, then my advice is to get out of the relationship now. It may break your heart to leave now, but it could save you from much worse later.
2006-12-27 09:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by Friedokrarocks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need couples' counseling. I know this sounds like a cheap answer, but the fact is that there is little that anyone here can tell you that will be of any help without the two of you sitting there talking about your problems, insecurities, and past with a professional mediator to guide you through. It sounds like your boyfriend has power and control issues, and this could lead to a long and painful relationship. Professional help is the best way to deal with these powerful issues. If you really love him you will suggest this. If he really loves you, he will agree to go.
2006-12-27 09:37:20 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to reevaluate this relationship. If he loves you enough, he should trust you and respecting him and being loyal doesn't mean that you should not talk to anyone else of the different gender. What's going to be next, you can't hang out with your friends, the people you love and he's going to lock you inside most of the time? He's controlling and this isn't a healthy relationship. If he wont change now, he's never going to change.
2006-12-27 09:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by kz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so classic... watch out for the guys who make you feel like you shouldn't be trusted!! They are the ones who are cheating and think if it's easy for them, you must be doing it too. They also find that keeping you on your toes will redirect the issue... in other words they are keeping you busy worrying about how YOU can improve in the relationship while they are having fun.
2006-12-27 09:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by tampico 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your guy is kinda selfish. =\
are u young?
okay, this is bad advice but i would go out and enjoy (but still behave!) and have fun with other guy friends behind my boyfriend's back. u know, little flings and flirts but nothing too serious as ultimately, my boyfriend will still be the one i love. after i've had my fill and when i think i'm mature enough to handle a serious, long relationship that might turn into marriage, then i'll be serious. (:
good luck.
2006-12-27 09:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by Coin Soup 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
love is a 2-way street babe. he gives u big rules,and none for him.loving and staying together has a lot to do with trust. he doesnt trust you ,and that bothers you soo much,that you dont question whether you trust him or not,thats what he wants.its human nature,hes not jelous of you,or your looks,hes hiding something ,take time to listen,and youll see whats going on.
2006-12-27 10:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by i tell it like it is 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
erm..i tink u cn try to tok to ure opposite partner n asked him wad was his problems..try asking him y..n u cud tell him that all the past is not the same as now..or even in the future..juz tell him to ferget abt the past..the past wont bring anything..unless its a memory thing to keep u tinking abt it..so i tink u cud juz try to occupy him wit some activities..tell him dat u r not the type of person hu will cheat him..its doesnt mateer if u r frens wit other guys..u r not even in a relationships wit any guys so y wud b so worried abt it..juz try to solve the problems wit ure boyfriend..try to meet up wit him n have a smooth tok wit him..
so all the best..hope he believed u..
=D
2006-12-27 09:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by Cutie_angelic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like you're having a tough time with your guy...
i was once in his situation... i did not trust my guy, i didn't want him looking at or even talking to other girls..i got angry whenever he looked at another woman
i had reasons:
i was afraid i might lose him to other girls
he flirted with others behind my back and that made him lose my trust for almost months..
i had realizations as well and i want to share it with you:
a relationship could never work without trust, tell that to your guy.
2006-12-27 09:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋