He doesn't pay enough attention to my needs?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months. In the beginning he was very attentive, couldn't do enough for me.. after a few months things started to slide. Now he never wants to do anything with me except stay home. He is an exceptional cook, but we don't go out ever, to a movie, for a walk, anywhere. We didn't do anything for my birthday in October, no gift, no restaurant. He went to visit his daughter for Christmas on the west coast and now he has decided to stay out there for New Year's Even and New Year's Day to visit more with her and visit with friends. He knows how important my birthday and the holidays are, but yet, because they aren't that important to him it doesn't matter. I don't know if I'm being selfish or he is.

Answer 1

Dee, firstly, I should tell you that there's nothing wrong with being selfish SOMETIMES in a relationship. Sometimes we give so much of ourselves as women and expect the same in return - only to be disappointed. Its only natural that you'd want to spend this significant holiday with him and you're sad that you can't share it with him.
Don't worry. dont think he has 'chosen his daughter' over you. That thought should never be in his head. It's actually good that he wants to spend the holiday with her; it shows his committment and love for others.
Its easy to say but hard to do; but try not feeling too bad about not doing anything anymore. Wining and dining is just part of the woo-ing process, and when men feel they have succeeded, they tend to get very comfortable and forget that many women need to feel appreciated by them doing these things. They don't think about these things like we do.
On the other hand, if he knows how important your birthday is to you, and he didn't attempt to do something special... He's waay to comfortable in the relationship. Obviously, he knows he doesnt need to do these things for you - because after awhile you have begun to accept this low standard. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If there's no consistent change in him taking interest in the things you value, give him the boot. SOOO many other men share the attitudes and values as you. Find them, hehe.. even if leaving ur bf may hurt in the beginning. Best of luck.

Answer 2

I think that you are completely right in this situation. I don't know many people wyho wouldn't want some attention on holidays and their birthdays, and even mre from a significant other. I would talk to him and see what the deal is. If it isn't important to him to make you happy and show a little effort maybe you shouldn't be together. In the long run you are not going to be satisfied. Sorry that is just the truth. You need to find someone with similar values.
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

My guess is that he's lost interest in you and because you have chosen to settle for his actions he will continue to treat you this way. He was attentive in the beginning only to 'win you over'. Is it possible that he is trying to ease his way back into the life of his daughter’s mother? I'm sure he is staying on the west coast for more than the occasional visit with his daughter. Just my two cents!

Answer 4

Have you talked to him about this to find out what he is really thinking? Not in angry or hurt, just good ol' communication. It's not selfish to want your needs met, so talk and find out where he's coming from, what you're looking for, and if there is a middle ground where you can meet. Otherwise is could be time to let it just go. Don't fall into the trap of being treated second class.

Answer 5

Yes, you are being selfish. I can hear you whining from here. This boyfriend of yours is doing what every other man on this earth does after so many months in a relationship. He has a daughter whom he wants to spend time with and you are crying about yourself. Take a step back and be thankful that he is able to spend time with his daughter. You will have other birthdays and he can celebrate them with you then. Of course, you are going to dump this man because of how angry you are about him not being able to spend time with you. So, what was the point for the question in the first place? Thank you.

Answer 6

WELL I THINK THE FLAME HAS DIED OUT AND U NEED 2 FIND URSELF ANOTHER. WE WOMAN LIKE 2 B PAMPERED LIKED MEN LOVE 2 B SPOILED. UR BIRTHDAY IS IMPORTANT AND THE LEAST HE COULD OF DONE WAS GET U SOME FLOWERS AND COOK U A NICE DINNER. HONEY WAKE UP AND MOVE ON. MAYBE HE WILL REALIZE IT WHEN U TELL HIM ITS OVER AND IF HE DOES NOT REACT THEN HE REALLY DID NOT WANT 2 B WITH U. GOOD LUCK U SOUND LIKE A NICE PERSON DON'T LET HIM BRING U DOWN.

Answer 7

Hello, If he knew how important your B-day and holidays were to you, why did he not at lease ask you to join him? In order for couples to succeed and relationships flurish, these things must be shared, by both parties. If you love each other you would not be asking who is selfish,period. Loving someone, is giving your heart and sole to them, and visa versa. Very rare.

Answer 8

this is bad.

seriously, if i were you, i would be panicking.

maybe you could try to light some spark and put some passion back into the relationship by insisting he dedicate one whole day to going out with you.
and you'd have to plan some fun activities that he likes. or things u guys could do as a couple. romantic dinner, you know.

best of luck. (:

Answer 9

OMFG!!!! He went to spend time with his daughter; what a pig.
How dare he not do what YOU want. Next thing you know, he'll want to spend time with his daughter on her birthday.
You should find someone willing to turn his back on his whole life & family so that YOU do not get neglected and abused like this.

Answer 10

If things started to slide after a few months I wouldn't expect this to be a long term relationship. I think it's time for a new b/f that cares more about "YOU" than he does himself and wants only to please you. If you do the same for him, you each recieve 100%.