We already have 2 boys, aged 6 and 20 months. My husband agreed that he did not want any more children. We only have a 2 bedroom house and any more kids and we would have to move, especially if we had a girl. He is on the waiting list at the hospital for a vasectomy, and I am on the depot injection. I was not happy at him having the 'snip' as the decision should be made by both of us in my opinion. He was adamant he did not want anymore so went on the waiting list. He has now decided he is getting broody and would like 1 more child. After his drastic decision a few months ago, he now thinks I should agree with him to have another baby. I would of liked another child soon after my last son was born as I am 34 in March and it took me 2 years to get pregnant with last son after stopping having the depo injection. This means if I stop it again, I could be 36 before getting pregnant again and I think this is too old. Am I now the spiteful one for not wanting anymore now.
2006-12-27 00:51:30 · 27 answers · asked by Red Devil Girl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
God, I understand your conflict.
I have two kids exactly the ages of your kids, and am actually afraid that I am pregnant again. I can see having another one, but not 'till about five years down the road (I'm just so sick of being pregnant at this point!!!)..
After having our second baby, my husband was talking about a vasectomy (but with all the details, we've decided not to go through with that), and I was adamant that I didn't want to have another baby. Now it seems that he wouldn't mind another, but I'm soo not ready for that..
It can feel like you're the 'bad one' for saying that you don't want to have another child at this point.. but YOU're the one that'll have to be pregnant for all that time, and do all that mean stuff to your body (streching it every which way, having hormones up and down, feeling sick, stretching out those ligaments, the birth - and all that entails - recovering, losing weight afterwards, etc.), and more likely than not, taking care of the children more often than anyone else.. the stress of a new baby (when there are already two little ones around and not enough hands to help)..
I cannot offer you any advice, I wish you the best of luck in figuring out this difficult situation.
After all that bla bla bla, just have to say, hope you enjoyed Christmas tonnes and tonnes, now that your oldest can actually enjoy opening gifts, and recognise 'Santa' and 'snowman' and lights, etc. ;) Again, best of luck with all!!!
2006-12-27 02:42:54 · answer #1 · answered by seaofcolour 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not being spiteful. You are just being honest. Do you think that your husband may be scared of getting his vasectomy and that is why he is contemplating another baby or does he truly want another baby. Myself, I love kids and we live in a 3 bedroom home. I am pregnant with my fifth child so, I am sort of in the same house predicament as you . We found out that we are having a girl so, that will make 3 boys and 2 girls in 3 bedrooms. One is for my and hubby and we figured that we will put the 3 boys in one room with a set of bunk beds and a single bed . I was scared to try for my fifth child since I am now 37 and will turn 38 a month before the baby is born. I was asked if I wanted the amino to check for down syndrome and other birth defects but refused because I will love this baby no matter what. My Dr. told me that women don't have to worry to much being 35,36-38 it is when you hit 40 and above that your chances for down syndrome increase about 10% more. If you want another child then go for it and don't worry about being 36-37 when you get pregnant there isn't any difference in the way you feel. Just remember you as long as you look and feel. lol! Good luck to you and sit down with your husband and put everything out on the table so you know how each other really feels. Good luck to both of you.
2006-12-27 01:11:32 · answer #2 · answered by ws_422 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We have two children and I was 35 when I had the youngest. So I dont think age is the problem at the moment, but what you both want.
You both need to sit down and decide together, its a big step having children as you already know, and having a third could go both ways, put a strain on the family if you are not 100% sure, or be fantastic :-) You both need to be 100% sure before doing something like having another child and if you decide a vasectomy is the best choice, then so be it, but surely it should be a joint decision.
I hope you sort things out one way or another and have a great new year x
2006-12-27 00:58:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, if there's any question about having another child, the husband should get off the waiting list for a vasectomy. Second, you are assuming you won't get pregnant for 2 years, but you shouldn't be assuming that. You could get pregnant at any time. We had trouble conceiving our second and third children and then suddenly ended up pregnant again AFTER my husband had had a vasectomy and 3 months after my husband had been told he only had 2 sperm in his count and they were both dead. I guess neither one of us was as infertile as we thought.
Third, you are right about it being a decision the both of you should make. You shouldn't make him "pay" for his decision to have a vasectomy by unilaterally denying him another baby now. You should have a heart to heart discussion and decide what you'd both like to do now.
2006-12-27 01:15:45 · answer #4 · answered by Betsy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are both unsure about what you want to do, you need to sit down together and have a serious chat about it and get some professional help like counselling. Having a vasectomy is a big decision and he cannot keep changing his mind and giving people the wrong idea, you either do or you don't.
I don't think you are being spiteful, you have been getting used to the idea that your family is completed and you were not having no more children but you husband has changed his mind, don't just have a child for the sake of it!
2006-12-27 01:11:30 · answer #5 · answered by emmalp75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It should be YOUR choice as well huh, well what would you think if it was something like abortion where it would be something done to YOUR body. Sorry as a guy I get so upset with the one sided view of with the guy it should be the couple but with the woman it should be HERS. Not saying you are like that. Personally I think if you are married the choice should be discussed. Did you both decide you didn't want any more children though? If that was the case then as soon as you decided on that then him getting the vascetomy WAS decided by both. Fair enough that he may have decided before you but he may have also let you know, and you are acting like he didn't. As to wanting another kid that could be as simple as fear of he is losing the chance, and may not really be that he wants one. Have him get the 'snip', after all they CAN be reversed. see how he really feels after it is done. If he STILL wants one then he can get it undone. Just stop taking the injection until after he decides he doesn't want it undone. That was if he changes his mind then you would already by on the path instead of having to suddenly start. Oh and the one who mentioned about the boys sharing a room, they already do. It is a 2 bedroom, that means parents in one kids in the other. One last thing, maybe part of your problem is spite but that would make it even worse for you to have a kid if it is. That would mean you would likely have somewhat of a grudge against the kid, that it is more HIS kid because you didn't want it at the point you got pregnant. Now you likely wouldn't treat it like that but in the back of your mind you would proably feel like that.
2006-12-27 01:08:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having children should be a mutual decision.
I am sure you put pressure on your husband in ways only women can to let him know your displeasure at making the decision to have a vasectomy without considering your opinion. That probably had an impact on his change of heart. But beware, if that's the case his resentment towards you will find an outlet in one form or another.
Males are seen as providers. If you don't contribute to the family income he is even more pressured to provide. Having another child knowing that it would mean not only the extra burden of another mouth to feed but moving to another home is pretty overwhelming. I can understand your desire to have a girl, but it does put pressure on him doesn't it?
Even if this is resolved on the surface, I'm sure there are resentments swirling around in both of you on the inside because you feel thwarted in your desire for a daughter and he feels financial pressure. I think it's time for you both to see a counselor to work things out so you can both move on without this festering to popup at another time over something insignificant.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 01:10:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is better that he has decided tha he wants a baby before the vasectomy however. this would have filled him with regret and may have put more strain on the marriage. i would suggest that you do what you wish in regard to whether you have the baby or not. it will be growing inside of you and you will be the one who will be giving birth, women are in control with the final decision of a new baby remember that. 36 is not too old you can still have a rich life and would not be one of those old mums. however i am only a 18 year old male who has a phobia of pregnant women. so
2006-12-27 01:23:32 · answer #8 · answered by AlmostFabulist 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not an easy question to answer, because it is very personal to you both, as a couple. A bit more gentle discussion would be good. I can only add that I went in for more, and in spite of the problems I know I am glad they are around. The point being that if you decide no, then would you regret it later in life? My 2 younger children(boys) are now men and, boy, would I miss them if they weren't around. I hope this helps, you still have the decisions to make, and whatever you do I wish you all the best for your future. (consider NOT telling about this,as he might say you have been spreading his peronal life around in public)
2006-12-27 01:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's up to you at all if he has the snip, it's his body. Just like he can't make you have a baby if you don't want one. If he is on the waiting list he should get his sperm frozen and then you can both decide later on if you want another baby. It is down to the both of you wether to have another child, but no matter what the both of you have to be willing, not just the one. I think if you wanted one before you shouldn't just refuse to have one now because you want to be the one in the right, but then again he shouldn't change his mind all the time.
2006-12-27 00:57:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋