Has anyone lived through the heartbreak of watching your best friend get married?
i'm 30 & she's 31 and after 5 years of long distance, her bf decided to close the gap and propose to her. we've both developed an attraction to each other over the past year, but have maintained very clear respectful boundaries. but, as soon as she told me that the wedding date had been confirmed (i just came back from a long vacation and found out it's in 3 days...), i heard most succinctly the sound of my heart turning into glass and shattering into countless prickly shards.
while i feel immensely sad, i do not have the right to be heart broken and selfish. at the same time, i feel really happy for her because i know her fiance will take very good care of her. and in the end, their happiness together is most important. i want to support her but going to the wedding is gonna hurt me a lot :(
i feel like i'm playing julia roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding"!
2006-12-26 21:45:39 · 11 answers · asked by Ranlian 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, ok. You know that one person, whom you know is yours or will be yours forever if you just say the word?
I didn't go to my friend's. It was a weird relationship, we both grew up together, there was an unspoken trust and comraderie.
We literally, as teens, would fall asleep together watching the skies. Knowing that we wouldn't do anything to eachother.
As we grew older we drifted a bit in how we lead our life, we'd still see eachother at least 4 times a week.
If she was at a party getting drunk, guess who was there to carry her home and fend off the wolves? She matured real quickly and wanted to move on, I clearly loved my care-free life.
Before I knew it, she was engaged to this real cool guy, nothing to hate about him.
She made the ultimatum one night alone, when I couldn't take it anymore so we met.
She said to me, looking up at my with her droopy eyes, let her know that I've moved on, and let her move on. By showing up at the wedding.
I didn't....
Instead I just stayed away from her for a couple of months.(lame huh)
When we finally saw eachother again, there was this real akward moment in front of her husband. Yet we spoke like no time had passed at all.
Maybe I should've spoken up, or seen what was there earlier when I had the chance.
I know how you feel man, anything else I've ever wanted I grab and hold onto relentlessly, but the one thing that I needed, I didn't do squat.
Just go to the wedding, maybe time will heal your wounds.
2006-12-26 22:20:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly you have feelings for her and they should have been addressed before it got this bad. The truth is your life has been on hold in a painful hope that will not go away anytime soon. You should politely say it would be inappropriate and decline. If she questions it you should say I think we need to end the friendship as well. How would you feel about your wife having such an emotional attachment to another man, be it long distance? You have invested heavily emotionally and the withdrawal pain will be difficult but it is in your best interests. Do you really want to be a third wheel waiting for the scraps if they fall apart? The pain you feel tells me you are a good man and you need a clean break to find your perfect partner without ties complicating the issue. All the best in life and love.
2006-12-27 06:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you feel that way. While you may have this wonderful friend, nothing ever happened, so you don't know what would have happened between the two of you. The good thing is, you still have this wonderful friend. Go support your friend and stop being so selfish. When you have someone you love, you won't want any of your friends to miss the occasion of your wedding either. You wouldn't want your best friend to not attend yours if she felt like you were. PS if you are honest and you tell your friend, it may cause a rift in your relationship. Please just go to the wedding.
2006-12-27 05:51:04 · answer #3 · answered by girlcop1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhhh...I'm sorry your heart is broken. Why did you guys never act on this mutual attraction? Are you sure it was mutual? What I hate to see is for you to pine for a woman who has always been in love with someone else. Don't put her on a pedal stool that other women will never be able to reach. There's a reason why you were FRIENDS for so long, and not more.
Go to the wedding, be happy for her, and look other women friends to move on with.
2006-12-27 05:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by avalonlee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not go, the most likely consequence is that you will lose your best friend. So you should go if you value her friendship and you should not go if you would prefer not to be friends anymore.
2006-12-27 07:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by wisegirl1204 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a very momentous time in her life....if your her best friend you should be there to share it with her......sometimes you do things for the one you care about that may hurt you....but its not always about you.....if you were getting married how would you feel if she did not attend....
2006-12-27 05:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by askaway 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think ypou should go. She might feel the same about you and you might have to comfort her. Plus if don't go she will think that you are mad at her or something. I think you should go
2006-12-27 05:47:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, this is so difficult.... do what your heart says.... if you really love her... you know what is the best for her.... try to explain her about your feelings.... i m sure she will understand... and she will stay with you...
2006-12-27 05:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by bladlave 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to the wedding....continue to be her best friend...she needs you and you need her....good luck
2006-12-27 05:53:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
and not going will hurt her even more and really ruine your friendship.
2006-12-27 05:48:49 · answer #10 · answered by jaffarkelshac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋