How can I get out?

Question

Whenever I do something just slightly unsatisfactory, my parents pick me apart, compare me to my siblings and their coworker's sons and daughters, and call me worthless as a side comment. If I get angry, and tell them it's my life, and include a couple profanities as well, is it right for them to tell me because of my temper, I'll be a failure and a homeless? Is it right for them to tell me that, because they gave birth to me, they have full rights to kill me as well, so I don't become anything less than what they want me to be? Is it okay for them to pinch me, throw shoes at me, have fist fights with me? Does trying to put 'reason' in me afterwards justify the emotional tumult they already have put me through?

Venus, I don't believe counseling would help. They're close- minded, and steadfast in their belief that every* parents wants and knows what's best for their child. It hasn't improved any in 14 years; this isn't something anyone can fix. I've already informed them that I'm moving out at 18, and won't bother to keep in touch, but I need something to help me deal with my joke of a family before I just lose it myself.

Chameleon, it feels great to have someone tell me I am no one's property. Beats trying to convince myself that, and much more effective. Thank you.

tbonz, what you suggested sounds reasonable, though there isn't anything I'd try with my parents. Suggesting that they might not be the greatest parents is out of the question, but I'll keep all of what you said in mind if and when I become a mother myself. :)

Robert P, I don't consider myself one by any means, though some might beg to differ. Seems to me you'd have more experience with female dogs.

gaijinojiisan, divorcing my parents seems like a great idea, and would make me happiest, though probably a bit short of reality, unfortunately for me. :(

Answer 1

short answer. Everyone is entitled to think whatever they want. You can think what you will about them, and them about you. there is no requirement to love your family and anyone who makes you feel that you are less than human, you have the right to not associate with. However, actions speak louder than words. If you are being abused then that is not ok. verbal abuse is still abused and is not healthy for either party,you doing the swearing and them trying to interfere with your life and hurting you.

You have a choice to step outside of the situation and just walk-away. Unfortunately, that will make you an outcast and therefore you will have to seek your own dreams and goals on your own but nobody has the right to look down on another. you are not property. don't let it bother you when angry words are thrown your way, let them bounce off. wall yourself off from them it will protect you from them trying to lash out at you and in turn when they can't get a response they are the ones who lost a daughter/son and you can secretly smile that they'll be in nursing homes in which you get to choose should you still feel the same way in 25-30 years.

Answer 2

Your parents are what I call "old school." They don't believe in "time outs" and "taking away privileges." They want to beat some sense into their children and if they shout loud enough their children will somehow understand them better.

You might try explaining to them that their parenting methods is what will make you a failure and homeless, not your temper. They are not effectively dealing with the situation and it is only putting distance between you and them. What may work for their co-workers child or even your sibs may not work for you.

I would suggest that they try talking with you to express their concerns. You seem perfectly reasonable. Their parenting methods work well with young children, but older children need encouragement and positive direction. Otherwise they develop poor self esteem, hopelessness. Besides, do they want you to be in a job where you are taking orders or giving them? They are training you to be a trainee instead of creating a free thinker capable of their own thought.

Answer 3

I don't know your age, but you are very articulate. Have you tried going to your school counselor and relaying the information to him/her? Not a quick solution, but at least you will have imput into the situation and it will be on record. There are other ways for you to gain control of how your life is going and change it for the better. Start talking and asking other teachers and you will be surprised at how many others have good advice. My high school years were a nightmare as parents were going through a divorce. I didn't realize until I graduated that I had been in just about every club and sport after school until I Iiterally became very sick. Thank God in my senior year, a teacher recognized what was happening and sent me to a special weekend retreat for teens with severe family problems.

It was a Gustalt type of therapy and even after 10 hrs. I was the last one to crack. I will never forget the words that came out of my mouth...."I hate my father." That was all. But it was such a relief to get it out. I cried for 3 hrs or more straight. No one knew what to do, but they stayed right by my side and never left me. My father was very abusive both physically and mentally. That weekend saved me and changed my life. It taught me that there are people out in the world who truly care about human beings. And they didn't even give birth or raise me. I learned to love again and forgive my parents. I remember my poor mother had no clue as to how to deal with this stranger coming home. I was that transformed. Things changed for the better because I had a new strength that even my father didn't know how to deal with.... self-confidence, self-worth and pride.

Answer 4

sounds like the house i grew up in, it seems scary but, the best thing to do, is move out as soon as you can, I had the same concerns, my older brother said " do what I did, get involved in every sport or activity that keeps you out of the house, until you get a job, and move out. I had moved out at 21, I met a girl in a store with the same problem, we were boths truggling for rent money, food, etc. We started dating, we moved in together, we got a better apt 2x, then bought a house, got married, now we have two children, and adult salary's, YOU CAN DO IT !

Answer 5

They are senseless and have anger management issues. Clearly by your profanity it is rubbing off on you. Sounds like an entire disfunctional situation. Get counseling

Answer 6

Seek the advice of an attorney. You may be able to divorce your parents.

Answer 7

Optid = Female dog

Answer 8

You should get counseling. If you want your parents to stay in your life get family counseling.