Hi all, I am facing a big dilemma. I met a great guy in my country (Middle East) and we've been together nearly 6 months. We're in love but I'm being careful cause I don't want to make any mistakes and want to make the right decision. My bf went back to his home country (US) where he's facing minor drink driving charges but will be out. He called from jail yest and told me that he will have to enter an alcohol programme for 3 yrs! he said he wants me to go there. I'm really sad cause it seems we won't be able to see eachother anytime soon as he won't be able to visit.
The thing is I can't determine whether I can take a risk like that but at the same time I don't want to lose this guy, he loves me, respects me, makes me happy and can take care of me. I work for an international organization and building my career (first job). I know its not what I want to do as I am a journalist by nature but I have a one yr contract which ends Sep 2007. Shud I give up such a great experience 4 luv?
2006-12-26 19:31:39 · 7 answers · asked by Acid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks everyone, it seems some people think that just because I'm from the ME, I'm ignorant! The fact is I lived in Western Europe for 8 yrs so I understand the culture v well and I'm highly educated. I'm just waiting for him to be released to ask him all those questions, he's not an alcoholic, I've never seen him drunk even though we used to go out together all the time. So its not a problem at all. However, of course its a concern, I need to feel he's responsible enough. He did show me a lot of that but I need more. He told me everything about his family etc, and I spoke to some of his family members (mum and sis). I need to be sure, I know he is crazy about me but maybe its all for the wrong reasons... I think I'll finish my experience here and see how it goes, although in the end it might be too late as long distance relationships are too difficult. As for finding a job, with 3 degrees, I'm sure I'll be fine anywhere.. thanks once again
2006-12-26 20:28:08 · update #1
one day at a time.
that's his program
any guy with a dui is off my list!
any guy with a drinking problem is off my list
with one problem comes another-- drinking, lying,cheating etc.
don't give up your career for your first love
and YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE UNTIL SEPT 2007!
wait and see. let love grow, and if he wants to see you,
he can foot the bill.
he got himself in this mess, and what state does he live in?
he will need to pay your airfare to come see him.
3 month rehab yes, i've heard of.
if he injured someone with dui, 3 yrs in jail he's getting off easy
if he dui, and killed a person, that's manslaughter,
what kind of man drinks and drives and can take care of you?
an alcoholic loves his booze fist!
you are 1/2 a world and too many cultures apart!
think, you come first.
you cannot undo what you decide to do.
what he has done is done.
so think, and don't follow his mistakes for luv.
is it luv or lust?
finish your contract wait and see and decide.
leave your options open.
tell him as long as he is in dui program, that is a deal breaker, and you need stable man, not a man who is foolish enough to drink and drive--- and was he alone? men go to bars to check out single women in usa
Does he plan on staying sober after dui rehab?
or is he just putting in his time so he can go back to his wicked ways?
a tiger doesn't change it's spots.
drinkers lie.
they say things you want to hear and are good con mean
beware. don't break your heart
follow your dreams, not your heart.
what does your gut instinct say?
head/heart/gut
intellect/heat/instinct
2/3 is good if they agree 3/3 is the winner!!!
he's not the only man!!! believe me!
men come and go, and you don't need one with dui already on his legal wrap sheet.
2006-12-26 19:51:33 · answer #1 · answered by Lilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know something.. instead of asking the question in a forum like this, you should have asked the same to yourself.. it is solely upto you to decide what you wanna do.... what all do you give preference to... building a career and having a secure future throughout yourlife... OR jumping to a place where there is no surity as to what you are gonna land on....
what do you know about the guy and his back ground... and how true he has told those to you???? did you ever crosschecked.???
did you know anything while going into a relation with a foreigner... you dont even know what is gonna happen once you reach US... as far as i know... no alcohol programme is for 3 yrs.... if a person leaves... he leaves in few weeks or in a month.... no one has to monitor him for 3 yrs... this is a real sicko.... i dont see a reality in this.... so how come you are falling for this...
may be you loved that guy with all your heart all this time.... but may be he didnt.... you are from middle east.... divorce is not very common there... but in america it is.... what will you do if he divorces you... or will he even marry you???
or if he marries, will he be able to keep his commitment towards you... i guess no...
all what i can get from your story is that he is a lier.... dont fall for it.... love and marry a person who knows your tradition and mentality... marrying or loving someone who doesn't eveen know anything about your culture will only make you regret all your life...
i am not arguing whether to leave your job and go to that guy... what i am arguing is, you should nto go to that guy..... job you can get anywhere and anytime.. but onlly in your country.....
forget the guy... or else you will regret girl...
2006-12-26 20:08:58 · answer #2 · answered by mitr_hamesha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that he loves you and he can take care of you.
He may love you but he cannot take care of you, at least not now.He has to deal with his own problems and help himself.
I suggest you built your career first, give time to yourself.
You say that this is a great experience for you so that must mean that you don't really want to leave this job.Even if you go to his country, will you really be able to be with him?
He has some drinking problems and he will have to spend time alone and with people he can help him.
This is not the right time for both of you.If you really love each other, you will wait.
Good luck!
2006-12-26 19:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by amandarosallyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate to say this, but dont give up on such a great job for love! you sound like you have a GREAT life ahead of you, and he's getting arrested for drunk driving. if he were at all in the same league as you, he wouldnt have been driving drunk. go ahead with your career, and if he stops drinking long enough to see how great you are, then mabye give it another chance.
2006-12-26 19:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by superyduperymommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that should not prevent him for visiting you. Don't give up the experience. If it doesn't work out for you, or he ends up cheating, you'll hate yourself for never having done it. Also, if it does work out with you and him, you may still regret never having done this first. So do it first, if he really loves you, he'll find a way to see you.
2006-12-26 19:36:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol programs for DUI do not last for 3 years. Usually its only a few days. You are so being lied to.
2006-12-26 19:36:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
focus on your career. men come and go.
2006-12-26 19:41:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋