I found out that my g/f smoked pot with this guy from work a couple months back. But the only reason I found out is cause her friend hinted it to me. She intentionally went behind my back and did it because she knew I wouldn't like it. Then I found out she did it again after I told her not to. I do love her but for obvious reasons I can't really trust her. What should I do?
2006-12-26 18:39:58 · 24 answers · asked by mttcool82 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She does seem somewhat remorseful and claims she is willing to do anything to gain back my trust and make it work
2006-12-26 18:41:33 · update #1
I find smoking very unattractive and yes i find it morally wrong and its not exactly good for you
2006-12-26 18:42:48 · update #2
she also claims that she will never do it again
2006-12-26 18:45:12 · update #3
I think that you need to talk to her and listen to what she has to say. Maybe she needs some help to deal with her problems, and you might be the help that she needs. As far as trust goes it can be re-earned you just have to find out why she is smoking pot. Also find out how long she has been doing it .It might be a phase that she is going through it might pass.
2006-12-26 18:45:50 · answer #1 · answered by gurly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the trust is gone then there is not much of a relationship left. Marijuana is not addictive so she does not have a drug problem. Marijuana is however a wonderful drug to smoke and totally enjoyable. Are you sure all she did with this guy was smoke pot? I remember in my younger days, all I wanted to do after smoking pot was to eat and have sex, not necessarily in that order. Dont sweat the pot thing. If she only hid this because you have issues with pot then lay off of her. Its not as bad a thing as you think. I would however look into other things she might be doing.
2006-12-26 18:45:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she done pot for a long time? Or just these couple of times? If it's a regular thing, it might be good for her to go into a rehab facility. (Yeah, you're thinking "It's just pot, man. It's not like it's a serious drug".) Well, it's what those in the addiction business call a "gateway drug", meaning that once someone's got a taste of altered consciousness, they might like it, and then say to themselves, "Hey, that was nice. Wonder what --X(insert your drug of choice here)-- would be like?". It's best to nip it in the bud (pun intended). If she goes through the complete course of rehab, without complaint if you ask her to, and completes the course, then I'd give her a chance. But, she's going to have to earn your trust back. The first way to do that is rehab. The second is to stay clean; whether that means going to frequent Marijuana Anonymous meetings (yeah, they have those now), submitting to random urinalysis tests by you for THC (it stays in the body for at least 3 weeks, so you can catch her if she's trying to sneak around you). I can hear it now, the second or third time you ask her to do it, she's gonna say, "What;s the matter, don't you TRUST me?" Whereupon you can answer her, "No."
2006-12-26 18:57:38 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Dave 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without trust, a relationship will never be all it can be ... I know this first hand ... my advice would be to discuss it very seriously & perhaps seek couples counseling. If you don't think you'll ever be able to trust her again, move on. Honesty and trust are very important.
You might want to check the following website out:
Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/feature/_a/questions-before-marriage/20061220121909990001
2006-12-26 18:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by denise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you like it? Because it's morally wrong or because it causes health problems? If it's the former, then you're just looking for a reason to not like her. If it's the latter, then tell her about your concerns. Her occasionally smoking up and then being afraid to tell you says something about YOU even more than it says something about her.
2006-12-26 18:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the only thing to do is talk to her face to face because over the phone you cant tell if she is lyin. but i mean if you love her just stick arund to see if she slips up or not i mean people do mistakes to learn from hem but just let her know that you are serious about this and that you really want her to be straight foward about stuff and if she hid this from you what else has she hid from you but most likely just give her this amount of trust and see what happens
2006-12-26 18:48:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not a big deal at all! Let her smoke pot with a guy, so what? You sound way too controlling. She can do whatever she wants and if it really bothers you, find someone you can get a firm controll on.
2006-12-26 18:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should leave her. She can't be trusted. You seem nice, you can find someone better than her. Who knows, this could be a blessing in disguise, a woman of your dreams might be waiting for you out there. Have the best of luck!
2006-12-26 18:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by Empress 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will give u advice.Dont leave her.She might be really addicted 2 smoking and u explain her she will surely understand u.Just play sum ignoring lessons for few dayz,but dont ignore much.Tell her how much u trust & lov her.Ask her cant she do a single thing 4 u.& u be patient abut it becoz slowly she will leave the habit of it. Tc
2006-12-26 19:06:11 · answer #9 · answered by sweetie pie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship may already be in trouble. Telling your g/f not to do something she wants to do can cause some resentments. A g/f who chooses to ignore b/f wishes, and sneak, stike two.
A heart to heart talk is needed ASAP where the future of your relationship is discussed.
Best wishes!
2006-12-26 18:47:00 · answer #10 · answered by NeckLover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋