I have only one sibling - an older sister who ive never gotten along with. Im 20 and shes 23. We have to deal with eachother though somewhat closely because we're both living in my parents house right now. My sister is IMPOSSIBLE. Shes almost inhuman. She's critical of literally everything i or anyone else does. Shes had a history of anorexia and depression so mentally shes not all that stable, but shes the most shallow person i know. She doesnt want me marrying my fiance because hes still in school and is right now working as a car salesman. Everything to her is money and looks. I dont know who im having as bridesmaids yet but I couldnt bare to have her in my wedding party and my fiance feels the same way. How does this work?? It would break my mothers heart to know that i honestly dont want my only sister to be part of my wedding. Any suggestions... anybody been through something like this before?
2006-12-26 18:26:12 · 28 answers · asked by Christines256 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
On top of this, Im more family, work and school oriented and I dont have any really close female friends and I dont have a clue who i WILL have as a maid of honor or bridesmaids. Is it appropriate to contact a close friend that i havent really been in touch with to be in my wedding? Over my own sister (who i cant STAND)?
2006-12-26 18:28:39 · update #1
P.S. I plan on inviting her. Im not that horrible. Im not completely bitter and full of hate for my sister... I just don't understand how she can be this kind of person and I dont want her in any big part of this happy time.
2006-12-26 18:54:16 · update #2
Its YOUR wedding darling! Just be upfront and honest with your mother, and let her know that its the day you have been dreaming out (probably for 15+ years!) and having selfish stupid sister there would ruin it all for you.
Think about 10 years from now going through your wedding album with your kids, and having it fill you with anger and rage because SHE is in every other shot! It will eat away and gnaw at you through your whole day, seriously.
2006-12-26 18:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by Sugary Goodness 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's my honest opinion. Do what you want. You need to be happy on your wedding day and you won't be if you are uncomfortable, and my guess is having your sis in the wedding party would do just that.
My best friend got married in October. She didn't even invite her older brother to the wedding since a)she knew he would start a fight with her father and b)he was on drugs, and even though she and her parents love him they knew that it was for the best not to include him.
You need to sit down with mom and talk to her before you break the news to sis. Tell mom that as much as you love your sis that you need someone who you feel supports your decision to be a bridesmaid or MOH. Hopefully, she will understand.
As for bridesmaids, if you don't include your sis, and don't really have any other female friends, then I don't really know what to suggest. You don't need bridesmaids or groomsmen. Maybe you both could have a really modern wedding and just have you two up at the altar.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-27 02:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough question, I would think your sister knows the score if you 2 are always at odds , just say why would you even want to be in the party you dont even like him or want me to marry him and im doing you a favor by not having you in it. Or if she is the type of shallow person that will persecute you forever and it will make your ma happy to have her in than just grin and bear it and be the bigger person. She dosent have to be the bridesmaid, even sisters that get along great know that. Also have her sit on the end of the table away so she cant get under your skin. Good luck.
2006-12-26 18:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by wcwm 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My fiance doesn't want 2 of his brothers (he has 3) in the wedding party because they are too young and they don't get along that well. His mother simply doesn't understand. To appease her, we are using them as ushers instead of groomsment. That way, their only job is on the DAY of the wedding and not throughout the planning process. Maybe consider giving her a job of some sort (usherette, guest book, something!) so your mother will at least have some satisfaction. If you don't get along, there is NO reason you should have to deal with her criticism during the planning process.
2006-12-26 18:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Esma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If things are that bad between the two of you, you can bet your parents already know how you feel. But, unfortunately, you still will have to tell them you don't want her in your wedding. This is your and your fiance's day and if you feel that strongly about it, you need to speak up and then stick to your guns. Tell your parents there is no negotiating this. Try to make them understand how hard it was for you to make the decision and tell them about it, but you can't help how you feel. They may surprise you and be totally supportive. If not, elope to Las Vegas, save your folks the expense of a wedding, and live a long happy life.
2006-12-26 18:37:02 · answer #5 · answered by truthseeker221 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would put it all out on the table and ask her. Tell her you are marrying this guy whether or not she likes it. If she continues to be difficult then tell her you hope she can still come to the wedding and leave it at that. Don't say anything along the lines of "FINE you can't be in the wedding then." That makes you as low as her. I think its pretty obvious that she wont be in the bridal party and you've done your part by inviting her.
2006-12-26 18:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by bruce_eel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no rule saying your sister has to be in the wedding party at all and if it will make things difficult for you, then don't do it. Yes, it would be okay to ask your friend instead.
For your mother, instead of just saying "My sister won't be....." find something else she can do and then let them know what she WILL be instead (always look for a positive spin) Some ideas: a vocal or instrumental solo, special reading/prayer, candlelighter, guest book attendent, etc.
2006-12-27 01:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your special day and you should have whomever you want in your wedding party. Depending on how many ushers your finace will be having will determine how many bridesmaids. If your old friend was a good friend and it was just circumstances that have kept you from seeing each other, go ahead and ask her. In the meantime, please pick a quiet time to sit down with your mother and explain that you just can't have your sister in your wedding and explain nicely what you have told us. Hopefully your mom is understanding and will accept your feelings and your wishes. Good luck and happy wedding day.
2006-12-26 19:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother must be aware of your feeling about your sister. If not, it's time to have a talk with her. Be honest with her. You know there's really no other way. Just approach her in a tactful way about it & explain it all to her. It's your wedding and both you & your man agree.
When you do talk to her, don't attack your sister. Keep it calm. Explain it with as little negative emotion as possible. Try to empathize with your Mom, but make it clear that your sister will not be a part of the wedding party.
2006-12-26 18:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family meeting time with M&D!
It's your day & your parents need to hear that, sister in the bridal party? probably No but at the wedding probably yes!
Surely you can find a friend, work colleage, cousin, Aunt, school mate or someone, not great to dredge up someone who's not important enough to keep in touch with
None of you can predict the future, what if in say 5-10 years you 2 reconcile? big regrets huh?
Lots to consider.......don't know if I've helped or confused.
I wish you well.
2006-12-26 18:37:23 · answer #10 · answered by bejay 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋