how do you prevent arguments with in laws?

Question

my in laws are angry with me for not telling them about my daily activities.i am a techer and i am quite buzy with my work.NO, i don't flirt with other guys and my husband trust me.we have a very happy marriage.it just that my in laws have this very ANOYING habbits of wanting to know every single thing that we do.that includes our 'bedroom story' and little things such as going to the clinic,buying grocerry etc.each time i complain to my husband or confront them,it ends up in huge arguments.we think we should have our own privacy with our life and marriage but this is driving me crazy.please help.

Answer 1

I am sorry you have to go through this, it has to be miserable.

When I was married I had the world's greatest in laws--they would have never done what yours are doing. However, my mother is the one that does this. I feel like I am getting grilled every single time I talk to her. Every sentence out of her mouth starts with Why or What. I just give her short little answers. Try that with your in laws.

By the way, they have no business what-so-ever asking about your bedroom activities--that is just way too weird. My mother never even went that far.

Answer 2

It isn't about the mother. Nobody is saying we should have these laws so the mother (or father for that matter) don't get in trouble when breaking the law. There are plenty of options when you don't want to raise you child. You can have an abortion, you can put it up for adoption, you can give it to the other parent and you can give it to family. I don't know the mindset of the people doing this but I imagine it isn't a healthy one. If someone drops their child of at a safe haven I can only imagine it's because they've changed their mind and panicked, or just because they are so irresponsible and reckless that they haven't done anything else. I do not, as I'm sure most do not, trust these people to raise children or do the right thing. Their kid is in danger and the sooner as it is out of her (or his) care the better. I see the point of your argument in a way. To give a different analogy to the jaywalking one (and to probably miss the point as well) the closest real life example I can think of are needle exchange centers. Surely we should just tell people not to do drugs rather than help them do drugs safely? Well the sad thing is that while we'd like it to be so, people are not always smart or good. Of course people should not dump their child outside a hospital or church or fire station. The problem is that their will always be people who will want to get rid of their kids who haven't done so through proper channels. Where this differs from the needle example, is that another life comes into play. It's a necessary evil plain and simple. Better a hospital than a dumpster- It's sad we have to make laws on the presumption that people will do the wrong thing, but it's just a reality we have to deal with.

Answer 3

How did they get the idea that it was any of their business? Someone(hubby) needs to tell them they have to find another way to fill their day.

Answer 4

Return the favor. Next time beat them to the punch and ask them very intrusive questions. Don't let up, ask them everything they ask you. Say something like is your sex life so pathetic, you have to get your jollies hearing about other peoples. Or tell them in very graphic details how your bedroom life is, what you wish your spouse would do, even throw in stories of handcuffs, leather, multiple partners, etc. You can even say stuff about size, you have to fake it every time because he can't please you. You can even mention your bathroom activities, how bad your diarrhea is, etc. The best time to do all this is when you are all at the table. Or, there's always plan 2, get a divorce, that's what I did, and I sure don't miss the in-laws. Or you could always ignore them, but that's no fun. Good luck And if all this fails, show them a video. My goal in life is to videotape my ex mother in laws autopsy. (Don't freak on the last sentence, I am a Forensic photographer.)

Answer 5

Nosy in laws---Hate that when that happens--Do you live with them?? If not then only take the phone calls about one or two times a week and when they ask personal questions that you don't feel like commenting on then change the subject --don't answer then--maybe they will get the hint--OR just be upfront and tell them --"That's for me to know and you not to find out!" Don't let this come between you and your husband --you two stick together --they are the outsiders ---they need to learn this--

Answer 6

I would tell your husband that you would like privacy and if he won't speak up that you will. You have every right to have a private life. Inlaws don't need to know every detail of your marriage. I wonder if they gossip about you two behind your back. We went through that with my inlaws and I bet they still do it but we are currently estranged from them due to their childish behaviors.

Ultimately your husband needs to put you and your marriage first. If he can't do that you need to stand up for yourself. I would just politely explain to them as best you can that you are a private person and there are just some details that you don't feel you want to share with the rest of the family. If they can't appreciate your need to privacy and space then it's their problem, not yours...

Good luck!

Answer 7

Why talk to your husband about what THEY are doing? Talk to them! They are the ones doing the asking! You shouldn't be complaining to him. Of course it's going to create fights! They probably are looking for a way to get to know you; and they are his parents! Of course he is going to defend them, maybe he is embarrassed by the way they are acting,and doesn't know how to deal with them either. However, it does sound like they are stepping over boundaries. But if you are ALLOWING them to make you two argue, then you are allowing them to control YOU! Who has the biggest problem with their questions, you or your husband? If it is you, then you are just reacting, intead of responding! Reacting can be damanaging because you are relying on emotions instead of reasoning. I personally would feel like my privacy was being questioned too, but arguing with your husband is certainly going to make the problem worse. Tell your in-laws (without telling hubby first) just exactly the way you said it here. You don't say how long you have been married, but ever tried walking away from an argument? Redirecting their questions? Giving them something besides your personal relationship with their son to have a relationship with you? In other words, take them to lunch, invite them over for dinner, for any meal, let them know that you like them too. It sounds like they are trying to have a relationship with you and have no idea how too!! THOSE WHO DESERVE TO BE LOVED THE LEAST, NEEDS IT THE MOST!

Answer 8

i'm having sort of the same problem you are having. my in-laws ask about every little detail, like how much we spent on groceries last week, and they are very controlling, like telling us where to live. my advice, when they get nosy, and want to know every detail about your day, just give them the information they need, instead of every detail. if they ask you, "did you go to the doctors today?" just say, "yes, the visit was fine". they dont have to know what happened at the drs office, or where you went, or what dr you saw, or what he told you. all you have to tell them, is what they need to know, not what they want to know. just give them the basics, not the details. once they figure out that you are not interested in telling them every detail, they will stop asking. they probally dont realize they are being so nosy, they just want to know about your day. and if they still continue to ask about every detal, then mabye its time to have a sit down talk with them and your husband and tell them all how you feel about your buisness being out there in the open.

Answer 9

Yo and husband get immediately to marriage counselor. You must unite against the crazy making of his folks, and that might mean a separation. They are insane!

You go alone if he won't. Also, go to Codependents Anonymous meetings. One thing for sure. you do not have to answer anything you do not wish to answer, end of discussion. And if your husband reveals private things and wont stop, its a divorce!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Stand your ground. You are doing right. Dont budge. What goes on in your home is really none of their business and one day you may have to break down and tell them. They sound a bit warped. I am glad my inlaws could care less about what is going on in my house as long as everyone is happy.