I have been in a relationship with my husband for 8 long years. Never once have I cheated or even given it much thought. We have a good sexual relationship and we get along well, arguments from time to time, but we had a rough past where we use to fight and he cheated on me and so forth.
Lately, I haven't been able to get the thoughts of cheating off my mind. I can't even figure why I seem so obsessed with this. I haven't acted on my urges, but I have been having lots of urges.
All of my friends are males, I like guys, they are cool to hang out with. My husband and I are both best friends with this one guy and I have developed a crush on him. I have given him just about every option to say something to me because I have flirted with him and said things picking. We also have another male friend I have always had a crush on and I haven't flirted or said anything to him, but the thoughts are there too.
Is this normal and will it go away?
Advice from anyone will help.
2006-12-26 17:43:54 · 17 answers · asked by gman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You seem like an intelligent woman, you are at least contemplating your thoughts before acting on them. Like an major decision in your life, you should always think of the worst case scenario. Its especially risky because you are contemplating it with a mutual friend. What if your husband found out? What would life be like? Is it worth it? How did you feel when it happened to you? Remember your vows that you took before God and all your friends and family. You committed to sharing your life with this one special person, don't let another man into your marriage. Take the necessary steps to make this easier for you, separate yourself from the men you are having these feelings for, before its too late and your thoughts drive you crazy. GOOD LUCK.
2006-12-26 17:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by Kritikopoula 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If things are going so well like you claim, why the urge? Do you still feel some resentment for his cheating? If you are truly happily married I don't think it's normal and from the sounds of the question you've already planted the seeds for an affair. If presented with the opportunity to do it you would, I think deep down your looking for not advice but permission from people to help you feel less guilty. Sorry if it sounds hard but that's just the way I see it. Although if the affair does happen I believe that it will be the beginning of the end of an 8 yr marriage. I hope you don't have kids because they are the ones that suffer in the long run. Try marriage couselling or personal counselling, anything to make life better. I wish you the best.
2006-12-26 18:01:06 · answer #2 · answered by wheelerdr44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be dealing with some repressed resentment from your husband's affair. Perhaps you should try talking to your husband about your feelings concerning his infidelity and how you're feeling now. The way you describe your marriage IE: "8 long years", "rough past", etc. etc., leads me to believe that there might be more problems in your relationship than just your fantasies about other men. Talk to your husband and maybe go see a marriage counselor. Open communication is key!
It's perfectly natural to be attracted to other men but, as many have already said, don't act on it. If you're having issues containing your "urges" stay away from the other men you have "crushes" on. You can't change the past, but you can prevent something terrible from happening in the future. Infidelity starts in the head and heart----not the body.
2006-12-26 18:19:26 · answer #3 · answered by saxydude05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know right from wrong, otherwise you would not have implied that it was wrong for your husband to cheat on you. You are aware of what his cheating did to your relationship, are you willing to risk losing your relationship? You are only willing to risk something if you don't really want it. Obviously, if you are thinking of cheating you aren't happy in your relationship with your husband. Why cheat, why not just tell your husband that you are not happy and you want to leave your marriage and explore other relationships. The truth is people only cheat because cheating is a symptom that something is wrong in the relationship. I would suggest that you work on the problems in your marriage before walking away from it, this way at least you can say that you gave it your best and you can walk away from it feeling good about yourself. Both you and your husband deserve to be happy. Handle things the right way...
2006-12-26 17:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing good ever comes from an affair. If you are thinking about other guys then you need to focus more on your husband. Spend more time with him and plan special dates with him. Think about things that you can do to make him feel loved and needed. When you start thinking about other guys then you are just feeling the lack of romance in your life and you need to rekindle the love with your husband. An affair can be the downfall of your marriage. Do you want to throw all the good you have down the drain. Stay true to your marriage vows!!!
2006-12-26 17:56:58 · answer #5 · answered by Diane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you want to get even with your husband for cheating on you but it won't make you feel better it will bring you down to his level. Do you really want to go there? You can't have much respect for him after he cheated on you, you will have less for yourself. Once it is done you can never undo it, it will be baggage you will have to carry forever. Take the high road if you can't forgive him you need a divorce not an affair.
2006-12-26 18:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by puzzled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you will never start cheating on your husband.I know you will say that since he has cheated on you once you have the right to do too ,but it is the worst form of revenge you can do.i am telling this from my own experience.if you cheat on him you will have a life time feeling of guilt ,but if you dont you can be proud of yourself that you have the opprtunity and you controlled your emotions.it means that you have been a far stronger human being than him ,doesn't it? affair is always an affair and has it's ugly consequences no matter what the cause is.this is what I believe...
2006-12-26 18:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Maryamp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you ready to sacrifice the relationship with your husband for a brief fling? I don't get the feeling that you are in love with either of these guys and don't think picking your husband's friends for an affair is a good idea. Are you just wanting to get back at him for his indiscretion? Is it just a sex thing? Analyze your motives extremely well before taking that first step. You could be destroying your life for a fleeting moment of fun.
2006-12-26 17:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair is never a good idea. It's normal to feel attracted to other males, you just don't act on them. Do you want to hurt your husband? Think about how he would feel? Do you want to be divorced? Men have a harder time dealing with their woman being with another man than vice versa. If you want to be with other men, then get divorced.
2006-12-26 17:49:19 · answer #9 · answered by Dianne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be feeling like that because of the things he has done to you in the past and well just try to not act on them because it will cause very much uneeded trouble just try to not think about the bad times but think about the things that you would miss if you were to loose your husband and think of how things would change just be safe
2006-12-26 17:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋